FUCK MERCURY and TO HELL WITH JUPITER!

Have you ever come to the realization that you did everything humanly possible WRONG?
When you were supposed to go left, you went right. You should have gone up... for some reason, you went down. Free spirited, non-restrictive, not calculating, I was jealous, possesive, and fault finding! I have come to the realization that with this one Sagittarius, whom I once adored so much, that I, perfection-seeking Yasmine, was that incredulous "fuck up".
Astrologically...I'm on the cusp of Leo and Virgo. While I've never really read too deep into zodiac signs, for mostly religious reasons, I notice lots of things that make you go 'hmmm' about astrology and the way the planets align themselves around a certain time of year that make people born the 23ard of one month to the 22 of the next a particular way.
I have really noticed that I will research the heck out of something if I'm into it. When I chose Howard, I knew all the stats, noteable alumi, and even about the area. It has been no different with astrology, I take that back it's been no different with learning about Leos, Virgos and Sagittariuses.
Alot of the sites I Googled had compatibility analysis, i.e. "This sign is best with this other sign etc." I found out that half of me (my Virgo half) is completely incompatible with the person who I wanted to be my better half, the father of my off spring, the love of my life. He's a Sag who needs his space and I'm half Virgo, a tidy freedom phobe. Needless to say, the question soon arose, "how true are these things anyway?"
While I indoubtedly saw painstaking resembelences in myself in the myriads of summaries about Leos and Virgos I just couldn't accept the fact that HE may not be the HIM whose last name I eventually take. (Not to mention Sagittariuses have extreme fear of the 'C' word [commitment] and that he's a Sag down to a fault*he's even got it tatooed* on his arm I believe). As I discussed this finding with my no nonsense roomate, I explained it was the Leo in me that attracted him and the Virgo that drove us apart and the Leo that makes him linger. I think I see why astrology is supposedly a 'bad' thing in religous circles... overly obsessive women like me nitpick (a Virginan trait) and take these astrological coincedences for Gospel!
Looking at the disturbing news made me wonder, "can we surpass our astrological fates?" If horoscopes.com says that a person born October 13 and another born March 28 are not good partners does it mean their relationship is doomed from the start?
Sign Quality Triplicity Quadruplicity Ruler
Leo Positive Fire Fixed Sun
Virgo Negative Earth Mutable Mercury
Since Leo and Virgo are polar opposites does this mean that I am damned to be weird and internally contradicted forever?
Does the cosmos have it out for me?

Now Playing: "Signs of Lovemaking" Tyrese

Even when my world is upside down
Things really couldn't be worse in some aspects of my life. I've officially lost my cellphone...it's just disappeared into the atmosphere along with alot of important numbers. Overslept and missed my economics final this morning. My father is getting sicker by the day it seems with his Multiple Sclerosis *the disease Richard Pryor just died from*. And I don't get to go home until the 22and of December for Christmas where I'll then have to turn right back around and come to DC to start back at school.
These are allllll the things I could complain about...but for some odd reason, I'm not upset. I'm not in pain, I am completely OKAY with it all. Its sooo weird that even when things seem to fall apart around me ...I am still WHOLE.
I can get a new cell phone and the numbers can be regained almost effortlessly. I will beg and plead to take my final. My father is STILL LIVING. Plus, I'm actually going home for Christmas. I learned in Sociology that the easiest way to relieve stress is cognitive restructuring...changing the way you think about something.
I'm no Bible thumper and my relationship with God can always improve but I know in His Word it says, "do all things without complaining". Thats what I plan to do because even when things seem like they can't get worse I am reminded by His Spirit that I am blessed. I don't have a want in the world, I am provided for, and life only gets better from here. You can't appreciate the sunshine if you never get rain. So I guess what I'm saying is RAIN! I can take it! I know that I am loved, I can take it. It seems as if the times when things seem to be at their breaking point is when I feel the love of God the strongest.
My mother is really beginning to get technologically saavy, which is a blessing and a curse, and her latest thing is "the e-mail"(though she doesn't know how to take the Cap Lock off). She will email me before she calls, which is hilarious. So tonight as I called her to break the news about my 2and lost phone within 3 months this is the email she sent me...
YASMINE, I CALLED AND E- MAILED TO CINGULAR TO REPORT YOUR LOST PHONE . TOMORROW CALL THE CUSTOMER SERVICE TO ARRANGE FOR A REPLACEMENT.THERE WILL BE A FEE INVOLED BECAUSE OF TWO PREVIOUS MISSING PHONE ASSSOCIATED WITH THIS ACCOUNT. THE HOUSE PHONE IS OUT OF ORDER AND I AM WAITING ON BELL SOUTH TO COME AND FIX THAT ISSUE SO YOU WIIL ONLY BE ABLE TO REACH ME BY CELL OR E- MAIL. YOUR DAD IS ALSO SICK THE VISITIHG NURSE WILL BE HERE TOMORROW TO START HIM ON HIGH DOSES OF STERIODS AND HOPEFULLY HE WILL RESPOND TO THE TREATMENT HE IS NOW UNABLE TO FEED HIMSELF HAS NO CONTROL OVER HIS BOWELS AND UNABLE TO MOVE HIMSELF.AM HOPING TO OBTAIN A HYDROLIC LIFT TO ASSIST ME IN MOVING HIM PLEASE PASS THIS INFRO. ON TO AUNT WENDY MOMMY HAS MORE LOVE FOR YOU THAN ALL THE STARS IN THE UNIVERSE AND IT RUNS AS DEEP AS THE MOON IS ROUND

The Last Sentence alone let me know that it's alllllllll good.
Now let me go to bed so I can plead for clemency with Howard's economics department early tomorrow morning.

Now Playing: "I told the storm" Greg O'Quin

Something Save Me

I hate school right now, no seriously...I want to vomit when I think about what my GPA might be at the end of the semester. Is it okay for me to be a second year drop out? Why couldn't I just have not gone to college and just traveled the world and lived life on the wild side? Hmmm...I remember why now, I didn't want to be a high class bum. Still...school sucks! In a time when I really need for my grades to be at their best they are quite mediocre. Dang...maybe I can just hookah everyday and drown my woes in flavored tabacco and the gong.

Thirteen Things about Yasmine My Christmas List and more.... 1. An I-pod...(yes. I am one of the few in the world without one) 2. A digital camera (a nice one!) 3. A MAC giftcard (for at least $50) 4. DVDs for my entertainment system in my dorm 5. Books! (fun ones, serious ones, all kinds) 6. Perfume 7. Lingerie (yea i said it) 8. An Internship 9. At least a 3.2 GPA for this semester 10. Contentment 11. Turntables (I'm trying to learn to DJ) 12. Jewlery (it don't even have to be Tiffany's ...just something cute) 13. Undying Love Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Editor's Note

Dear Reader,
It has come to my attention that there is someone out there reading all of these Randymethoughts. "Yaz, 'insert name here' read(s) your blog and thought it was great!" It seems as if readership has gone up a bit and all I have to say that is, if you love me, I mean really love me then tell me. Leave a comment, tell me your thoughts, every once in a while. While I don't write for others, my thoughts aren't on the world wide web for nothing either, it's nice to know someones out there with an opinion about my ramblings. In conclusion, if anyone's out there, let yourself be known.
Please and Thank You
Editor-in-Chief,
Yasmine.

Just Do It

Even if you don't feel like it...

Now Playing: "10 Commandments" Lil Mo feat. Lil Kim

Lamaze for the Heartsick

Ever since u went away

Been missin you everday

What I do just to see your face

Should of held u n made u stay

Now I really need somebody

Just to call sombody

But I know I cant go back in time in just make things change

And when you call but it aint but a word

Wish I can go back to the way things we

But you dont even know how much I miss you baby

You can take this as a lesson learn

Kinda like Usher u gotta let tha shit burn

Breathe in breathe out

I gotta let it go

Even though I cant live with out you

Dont wanna lose control

Even though im missin everything about ya

And im tryna keep my composure

But on the inside its really killing me

All I can do is just breathe in breathe out.

I gotta let it go

Even though I cant live with out you

Dont wanna lose control

Even though im missin everything about ya

And im trynna keep my composure

But on the inside its really killing me

All I can do is just breathe in breathe out.

Listen up girls ima let yall know

If you gotta a good man never let him go

If you really love you betta let him know

Never wait till he bout to walk out the door

Cuz once he leaves it aint no runnin back 2 ya

Like the pride of a man he aint comin back 2 ya

Think of the way to talk or u want get a word

I wish things was back to the way they were

Even kodak couldn't fix this picture

You can take this as a lesson learn

Kinda like Usher u gotta let that shit burn

Breathe in breathe out.

I gotta let it go

Even though I cant live with out you

Dont wanna lose control

Breathe in, breathe out.

Even though im missin everything about ya

And im trynna keep my composure

But on the inside its really killing me

All I can do is just breathe in, breathe out.

OhhhhI gotta let it go

Even though I cant live with out you

Dont wanna lose control

Breathe in, breathe out.

Even though, im missin everything about ya

And im trynna keep my composure

But on the inside its really killing me

All I can do is just breathe in breathe out.

You and me used to be happy can't believe that you'd leave won't you come back to me

Now you gone im alone now im wishin you weren't gone Im so sorry baby

You and me used to be happy can't believe that you'd leave won't you come back to me

You and me used to be happy

Come back to me

It's time that i breathe, reflect, and let go....

I'm trying my damnest

Now Reading: "Untitled (Love Sucks)" by my girl Jill Scott

Now Playing: "Officially Missing You" Tamia

PS: that picture is Addyct/Anonymous/HIM ...whatever his alias is today...I'm sure he recognizes his own eye

20 Questions
Houston/Bayou Classic 05' Edition
Compiled by Me and My Brothers

1. Can anyone tell me what exactly, "in through my nose and out through my mouth means"?
2. Ever seen a U-turn lane?
3. MERGE! (yes, we know this is not a question, however, we liked it.)
4. So I just keep straight?
5. Do you really live around the corner?
6. Why is my mailbox two blocks away?
7. When did Caleb (our youngest brother) get so hard?
8. What's with the stop signs on the freeway?
9. Why would anyone take the payway when there's a freeway right next to it?
10. What's up with all the birds?
11. How can one seemingly turn 180 degrees and still be going in the same direction?
12. What it do?
13. University of Phoenix is a real place?
14. Are my turn signals working?
15. How could you be sooooo wrong?
16. Do you blink?
17. If there's a Sugarland and a Pearland, is there a Candyland, Texas?
18. Hey dude, why can I see your pantyline?
19. Who farted?
20. Smells pretty bad, did you follow through?

Now Playing: Anything Paul Wall

I KNOW BETTER BUT....
I should be doing something productive like cleaning my room, doing my econ homework, packing, or finishing this Hilltop article however, when there's an itch I like to scratch it.
So here:
This thing kinda' sucks really bad. Have you ever really wanted to move on, but memories held you back? Or maybe it was the pseudopotential for things to get back right again...I know the feeling. I miss HIM and HE is no where around...When I see him its a cold, dry "what up" and my guard won't even let me reach out and show him the things he used to love so much about me. He keeps floating further and further away and my spirit wants to reach out but my mind knows it will be to no avail. New girl or no girl...I know that situation won't be forever but even when they are over with our relationship will still be like a war torn country.

The Fool's Contentment
(this didnt start as a poem but my thoughts were so poetic I decided I'd entitle it)
by ME
I could do so much better,
I know...that's what everyone says
Sometimes though, you don't want better.
You want what you have, or had, to become better.
It is the ignorance of our hearts that yearns for this,
because in our minds we know better.

Agape
by my girl Jill Scott
"10
11
12
1, 2, 3 o'clock
no show no call
November
December
January
February
March
Mid-April the phone rings
I still love HIM"

Now Playing: Dont Forget about Us- Mariah Carey

So I guess I have officially moved on...took my love somewhere else. The only thing is, when I saw HIS picture last night my heart accidently skipped a beat. damn...

The Encounter
Welp, it finally happened. I encountered the HER that came in and got HIM during my supposed 2 month "hiatus". I really thought this girl would be extraordinary, over the top, just a thorough bitch...I mean she has to be right? She's just a freshman...she has to be undeniably fly...right? WRONG!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOO WRONG. She's an average girl doing average girl things. She happens to be a member of an organization that I'm on the E-board for and we recently had a meeting that she was in attendance. I'd be lying if I said I didnt go out of my way to make sure this girl was there so I could see what she was all about. I mean, I'm a curious chick...what can I say? Anyway, she came. Late, underdressed, and not prepared...but she came. This organization is a pre-professional organization meaning you always come ready to see and be seen, meet and greet, and make contacts.
Maybe she didnt know this though.
First Mistake: Tardy...She comes in late, and since there were not that many people in attendance it was really noticeable. Not only was she late but she was rather disruptive since she was still communicating with people outside of the meeting. Tis' Tis'
Second Mistake: Inappropriate Dress...Maybe she felt like since the meeting was being held in a seminar room in her dorm she could come in any ole' kinda way because she definitely did. Jeans, a teeny bopper T, socks complete with CHINESE SANDALS.
Wow...okay so at this point homegirl definitely did not get the memo...but she still has an opportunity to show me what she's working with.
Third (and biggest) Mistake now You're OUT!!!!....Not only does she come LATE, SLOPPY, but in our intimate meeting when we had a highly accomplished speaker she sits the the very back, arms folded, uninvolved, and decides to STARE AT ME THE ENTIRE MEETING.
Honestly I'm not sure if Anonymous should be dating her or mentoring her. I mean really? Doesnt she have him, aren't they so content? Why is she so bothered by me that she would feel the need to hawk me the whole meeting? Didn't anyone tell her that doing such would really be a boost to my ego? I sized her up in a matter of 2 minutes flat and decided she wasn't even worth my time, not even on my level enough to even be considered an "enemy". I felt like telling her, "girl, if you got that man ...have that man, don't worry about me if you got him on lock." Truly I resigned my involvement in our relationship 4 days prior to meeting her so I really have no idea what she was going through. You can't buy class people, you really can't. She would have really been so much more effective if she was a LADY. I mean come in on top of your shit! Wow me with your intellect, the eye rolling-gum popping "ghetto girl" at Howard does nothing for me but show me how much farther along I am (literally and mentally). Damn...I think I must be Fly....even if just a little bit....Hahaha

Ujima At Its FINEST
Kwanzaa came a little early this year for me and six of my friends, folks. Tonight we found the true meaning of the third principle of Kwanzaa, Ujima (collective work and responsibility).
It was Resh's birthday...all we wanted to do was go out and have a good time. Who knew we'd be changed forever, who knew we would start a movement...influence a nation (okay, maybe not a nation -but at least some impressionable freshmen).
We attended some houseparty at an unnamed location where we saw some of the most vile acts of friendship ever committed. Every college woman knows the rule "if we come together we stay together" - that definitely wasn't the case at this unmarked location.
The first wild thing we encountered were two freshmen girls making out as a show for a an unnamed* Howard sports team, we have nothing against lesbianism however these two girls weren't homosexual- they were drunk and stupid therefore didn't realize that the same men who were fawning over them in this moment would be calling them all sorts of names the very next.
Eventually the crew goes back upstairs to get some fresh air, my friend and I noticed this one particular girl who kept going up stairs with a different guy (or set of guys) each time, as she walked down from the stairs we noticed a peculiar substance she seemed to be holding inside of her cheecks...some ivory color substance that remains to be unnamed. We were shocked to say the least at the blatant display of hoe tendencies that we had seen thus far. The night went on...I truly believe this was the hoe that broke the camel's back...she was laid out ya'll. I mean pissy ass...drunk as a skunk...straight wasted. This girl could not walk, could barely talk, in a state of not only inebriation but abandonment. WHERE WERE HER FRIENDS? Well, we couldn't seem to find them anywhere...so as two of my crew members along with some psuedo-innocent male (since none are to be trusted) peeled this young girl off of the floor.
I believe something clicked in all of us...well with the exception of one who would join the force a bit later...we all realized that we had to SAVE THESE HOES! It's like we kicked things into high gear...the hoe on the floor...well we saved her. Found her one friend, took her to the restroom tried to get her to vomit and release the insane amounts of alcohol she'd consumed. We all even sat outside of the restroom as this hoe sat on the toilet taking a crap for a ridiculous amount of time like she was paying rent! The crew ended up sneaking this completely drunk girl past the cops, into a car and back through the side door of the Quad. Even our one team member, who was like "forget that hoe", lent a hoelping hand and did some crazy incognegro CIA type stuff to get ole' girl back into her dorm safely.
That hoe that was running a head train? Well, I'm happy to say I helped that hoe! I got the owner of the house to inspect the rooms when I knew she was up there with her male "friend" (who I'm not even gon' put on blast). Once that silly hoe came down we grabbed her and embraced her...Mother Goose told that hoe, "Don't be no Hoe!"Mother Goose took that girl under her wing, spoke life into her so that maybe she wouldn't be refferred to as a hoe in some random upperclassmen's blog. ..what'd I do? I told her if I ever caught her in another situation like that I would "whup dat' ASS!"
Could we be mistaken for cockblockers tonight? Maybe...
Did we overstep our boundries, even if just a little bit? Maybe...
However, this girls were ALL freshmen (and while I dont think the entire freshman class is wack as hell and misguided as shit, ALOT OF THEM ARE!). Somewhere within all of us we felt the spirit of Ujima rise up in our bones and felt compelled to save these hoes! While these girls were seemingly abandoned by their party mates, we were the ones who helped them...made sure they would still be here on Monday to suffer the consequences of their mistakes. Yea, they are big girls and can make their own decisions but as women who have been their before, each of us did something in our own way to show these girls, ahem "hoes", that they could and SHOULD do better for themselves. Once you disrespect yourself...its a bitch tryin to get any kind of respect back. Sometimes people need tough love- so if I tell a freshman girl I will "whip her ass" - its most likely something that she needs to hear or experience anyway.
On the night of November 10, 2005 /the early morning of November 11, 2005 seven wonderful women of grace and integrity: Paris Fontanelle, Amirh Morgan, Deidre Young, Jasmine McNeil, Whitney Hawkins, Me (Yasmine Parrish), and yes even LaResha Ross, formed THE LOOKOUT (The Save A Hoe Campaign). We're coming to a house party near you...If you know a hoe that's tired of hoe-in then call us...Our Hoe Hand is waaay strong...We're transforming hoes into housewives!

PS: As for those two girls making out with each other...well, some hoes are just gonna' be hoes...you can't save them all!

*All locations and names (except for those spectacular seven) are with held to protect the not so innocent

Now Playing: "Dont Save Her" Project Pat

The crying shit is for the birds...I'm a liberated black woman who can't be defined by a man. I turned in my Letter of Resignation to HIM, yea literally...Wild? May seem so ...but it was QUITE necessary- I couldn't let him have that much control over my emotions any more. Sure I miss how things were at one point when things were still sweet but the fact of the matter is that -those sentiments for whatever reason no longer exist. I guess we all play the fool a time or two, but ce la vie ...let me get back to my life. It's a done deal people, I went to rehab and I'm not Addycted anymore. I cant let Anonymous ... Addyct ... HIM get to me...I'm the only one left hurt it the end. Who knows where things will go from this point, but I'm sure as hell not going to sit around just to find out. What God has for me is for me, and the man that is for me HE has for me and me only! He should definitely keep the letter though, its seriously like some of my best work. Plus it will be a collectible when I blow up. Its not a game people, its not a game...Missy dont play, and there are some great things about to erupt. DONT SLEEP ON IT!

Now Playing: "Overdose"-Brandon Hines

Something I really needed to hear....
As I wait for my king, wherever or whoever he may be
Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are,
Doesn't mean you shine any less.
Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped,
Doesn't stop you from being the best.
Just because no one has come along to share your life,
Doesn't mean that day isn't coming.
Just because no one has made this race worthwhile,
Doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has realized how much of an awesome woman you are,
Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.
Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
Doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.
Just because you deserve the very best there is,
Doesn't mean that life is always fair.
Just because God is still preparing your king,
Doesn't mean that you're not already a Queen.
Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
Doesn't mean you need to change a thing.
Keep shining, keep running, Keep hoping, and keep praying, Keep being exactly what you are already.
COMPLETE!!

Life is good. Alright....that's all for now!

To All the Boys I've Loved Before...

Part 1
We are not your mothers!
You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
Yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time Trying to suck a lost sense of self dry
We have become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
Have become much to accustomed to waiting for our empty beds to be weighed down with the body’s of men, heavy with the scent and the hands of other women and we simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
Simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not.
Play Hester Prynne
Place scarlet letters on our chest
Become adulteresses, cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
Willing to settle for less
Willing to act like a little less then a goddess
Willing to sleep with the enemy
Men to scared to stop acting like boys, thinking we can love away their scars
So we take the lashes of their insecurities they pour on us
And lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls that we lose by the minute.
Part 2
You said you had a photographic memory.
But apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love
The truth cannot be hidden
What’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love.
You should have known that,claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me
And I guess it’s so much better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say but I’m still gonna try to live by itI’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in itI will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in.
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shiny, full of the knowledge
I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove this scarlet letter from my chest
And take the hand of the little girl I used to be and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
And I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

-Mayda Del Valle

welp its happening. i knew it would...he's coming back in fear that he still might now 'have' me. he's popping up unannounced, calling my phone, asking for favors...trying to get back. thats fine. most of me likes it, but there this one part that just isnt buying it...that one part isn't allowing me to accept him back with open arms as if nothing ever happened. I just cant be hurt again, i cant fall into the same trap that i was in before. if he still wants me fine, but it wont do any good if he's not ready to give me the commitment i need in order to be happy with giving him any of my attention. guys are so damn predictable...its kinda funny. oh well, we'll see what happens...

Now Playing: Mr. Brightside-The Killers

PS: I still love em' though lol

I think I fully understand it all now....
Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me I dont want you, but I need you, I love you and I hate you at the very same time See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad Never did this before, thats what the virgin said We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says God talk to me now this is an emergency And he claim he only with me for the pussy, You cut me deep son of a bitch cut me like surgery And I was too proud to admit that it was hurtin me I'd never do that to you at least purposely We breakin up again we makin up again but we dont love no more I guess we fuckin then Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill him and you mixed them emotions with tequilla and you mixed that with a little bad advice on one of them bad nights you have a bad fight and you talkin bout his family his aunts and shit and he sayin muhfucka yo mama's a bitch you know domestic drama and shit All the attitude he'll never hit a girl but he'll shake the shit out of me but im a be the bigger man big pimpin like jigga man oh i figure its Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me I dont want you, but I need you, I love you and I hate you at the very same time See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad Never did this before, thats what the virgin said We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says God talk to me now this is an emergency And my friend says I shouldn't let him worry me I need to focus on the guys we gettin currently But I've been thinking and it got me back to sinking it This relationship, it even got me back to drinking now This Hennessey, is gon be the death of me And I always thought that I havin your child was our destiny But I can't even vibe wit you sexually Cause every time that you try I will question you Say "you fuckin them girls, disrespecting me? You don't see how your lies are affecting me? You don't see how our life was supposed to be? And I never let a nigga get that close to me! And you ain't cracked up to what you was supposed to be! You always gone! You always be where them hoes would be!" And it's the first time I ever spilled my soul to him! He fucked up and he know it G I guess it's bittersweet poetry...Congrats anyway Addyct

Now Playing: "Tell me what you Want" Mase feat. Total

If My Life Were A Soundtrack...
(check out the lyrics to find out why later)
12 Tracks that Ecompass My Life
1. Sideshow : The Stylistics- its sad but so true....life can beat people up sometimes
2. Luxiourious: Gwen Stefani- life isn't all bad, when you've arrived it's good to life the high life
3. All I Have: Amerie-sometimes you're all just isn't enough
4. Aint No Sunshine: Jackson 5- have you ever wanted something so bad?...
5. I'd Rather Be With You: Bootsy Collins- nuff' said, this is the original that Beyonce' remade
6. I Wont Complain: Darryl Coley- i've had some good days and some weary days but i wont complain
7. Someone to Watch Over Me: Ella Fitzgerald- i know HE's out there somewhere
8. If this World Were Mine: Luther Vandross & Cheryl Lynn- and when i find him this is what I'd do...
9. I Taste Just Like Candy: Foxy Brown featuring Kelis- get it?
10. I Told The Storm: Greg O'Quin- sometimes you have to tell your storm that you can't be moved
11. Spoiled: Joss Stone-see lyrics*
12. She Lives in My Lap: Andre 3000- somethings just make you go "hmmmm"

Now Playing: Sugar Honey Ice Tea by Kelis

I really should be writing my article for http://www.natcreole.com *shameless plug* but I'm having writer's block like nobody's business. Life right now is just existing...I'm caught up in the midst of tests, meetings, practices, and daily deadlines. I cannot wait till' Friday has come and I have a three day weekend free from any writing for someone else's publication. Hopefully I'll be kicking back with the ladies in Virginia Beach but we'll see, I'm not really up for breaking too much bread so close before Homecoming. I can't wait till I have reached some of my major goals. Things I have been dreaming about since I was a little girl are just around the corner. I truly do feel that I'm just on the edge of greatness and that there is something extraordinary waiting for me just around the corner. I just can't see it yet. There has to be more to life...I know this isnt it- there has to be more. Something Deeper. Tonight as I was procrastinating I listened to "Someone to Watch Over Me" sang by Ella Fitzgerald and my comrad, *Ayanna*, and I were talking about how Fitzgerald was talking about a man she had yet to meet. I feel like Miss Ella. I know all the things I want in life are out there for me. Waiting on me to be ready to receive them when it's time. That not only goes for that special man but it goes for everything in life. The world is my oyester and I'm just waiting on those pearls!

Now Playing: "In the Midnight Hour" Vanessa Marquez

ITS ALL GOOD... no really it is!

You know...I do lots of complaining, not really but ...When I sit back and really evaluate my life and "how I'm living" everything is G-O-O-D! I have no one to thank for that but God, the man, or woman (as Common or Andre 3000 might be proned to think), above. Everytime a door is closed another one is opening up right in front of me. This year has brought some heartache and dissapointment but I know that I'm brink of something simply spectacular, and thats WITH or WITHOUT any organization or person holding me down. Who got my back like I do? Sure there are definitely people in higher places looking out, but it's me against this world and I do plan to conquer it with my integrity in tact. People can be grimey and often times will do anything to be at the top, but I could never do anything that I wouldn't want my momma' to know about. Everything I accomplish and will accomplish will be off of my OWN merit, granted there is nothing wrong with networking and knowing the right people but that's just a part of life. I love Jesus, however I'm no "Bible Thumper" if anything I need to get right in alot of aspects of my life but I do believe His Word is true. A few weeks ago when I was just feeling down and out like I had no friend in the world my mother called me, I truly believe it was a God sent phone call because I actually answered even though I hate the phone. It's something about a mother's word, I tell you...she made me realize that whether or not I was the object of any man's affection or whether or not any organization decided that I was good enough to be apart it that I was still OKAY. It doesnt matter who loves me or who hates me for that matter, because there is STILL ONE THAT WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME...and that's God. I am the apple of HIS eye, and he's the ruler of the world. I've never been an ultra-spiritual person but that's something real and tangible...I can feel and see the evidence of his love all around me. I admit I am that girl who's always looking for true love, but honestly I've already found it...well, it found me...and it's been there the WHOLE TIME! It almost brings me to tears when I think about His goodness. When I look back over the last year of my life, I have accomplished soooo much and the only thing I can attribute my success to is God and my momma for speaking life into me. Just today, as I was on the shuttle to campus there was a bus filled with people talking about MY ARTICLE...I didnt even say anything but I was so proud that the things that I wrote had such an affect on people that they would have a full blown discussion about it. I hope the world is ready for me, because there is soooo much yet to come from Yasmine Harema Parrish. I'm a little girl about to do really BIG things...until then I'm going to stay humble, stay low and blow like Hootie!

Now Playing: Luxurious -Gwen Stefani

Clearly You've been Reading So Just so you know...

I Still Love You
See everybody needs someone by their side
And I can't go on without you another night
Since companionship's been gone
My life has been so slow without you, you
See it don't take a rocket scientist to know I love you
And it don't take a rocket scientist to know I need you
See if you believe that you and me can change the world someday
Then you'll believe me when I say
I still love you
I still love you
I decided I still love you
I still love you
I decided
So what do you think
Lets get back together (lets get back together)
There's nothin' it could hurt
It could only get better
Think of what it last felt like
For you and I to turn our nights
Into forever
See...see
See it don't take a rocket scientist to know I love you
And it don't take a rocket scientist to know I need you
See if you believe that you and me could change the world
someday
Then you'll believe me when I say
I still love you
I still love you
I decided I still love you
I still love you
I decided
Never dreamed I'd be so happy and sure of myself
Baby life without you is so dark (so dark, so dark)
Now I know it'll never be me lovin' someone else
This precious love
You're my shining star
I remember when we first fell in love
I was too young to know what it was
I couldn't address what made me melt
But quick to tell you how it felt
That love was so real
And it still is
I still love you
I still love you
I decided I still love you
I still love you
I decided
(Duet with Pharrell)
Just think of the things we planned to do, me and you
Like changing the face of the moon that we once knew
So long as the sun is yellow, oceans are blue
And then we can laugh and cry the days and nights through

PS: I wont even play you for it...its cool. I may be wounded but it dont take a whole day to recognize sunshine, and if it's love the shit doesnt just go away. Give it time and we'll be back.

Now Playing: Throwback-Usher

Bitter

you know...now, I can sit back and assess everything that happened with a clear head. however that doesnt mean I have full recovery...I'm mature enough to decipher the difference between a diagnosis and a cure, or a healing rather. I've diagnosed the situation...and while that it may be too little too late-its important to be able to learn from your mistakes. Now i just wish there were some remedy to be told and that I could just be healed. While I can acknowledge where the problem lied that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt any less. I realize I'm still wounded. And before I can get myself together I can't deal with anything new or else I'd be like the girl Musiq talks about in "Previouscats" or the Bag Lady Erykah speaks about. I just gotta let the anger out...I think I've gone through just about every other emotion but now I think i might be a little bitter. So I'm fighting the feeling...well, not fighting it perse' because I dont apologize for my emotions EVER but I'm dealing with them and letting myself heal naturally. I just know I'm bitter and am trying to distance myself so things dont get out of hand because I believe the wrongs will be corrected and it will be right again. But I am mad...and I dont want to be...I'm not a really angry person...but I've started to notice I'm just not up for the bullshit like i used to be...I'm so much more raw than I've ever been before. I think I've been tainted by the realities of love and the real world. My bullshit tolerance is soooo low and I'm just not the same person. It's a bittersweet thing. Even if I am a bit more stern...I dont want to be bitter and definitely dont want to be that token angry black woman with a chip on her shoulder...so I'm just going to work on me so that I'm better for me and for whom ever is ready to build with me. He's already coming back ...I know he misses me but I'm not ready to receive him. I miss him but I'm mad at him...I know that sounds confusing. I just want to see him sweat and suffer, if he wants to talk - he'll have to wait. If he wants to make conversation I'll keep it short and cold. I speak and may even give a distant smile but he wont get an embrace and definitely no inflection in my voice. I just cant give myself away like that ...if you put your heart in a man's hands- he'll drop it everytime. Right now I'm picking mine off up from the floor.


Now Playing: "Teary Eyed" -Missy Elliot

Sometimes Others Can Say it Better Than you Could Ever Articulate

Mhmn bye bye
How do you love someone
That hurts you oh so bad
With intentions good
Was all he ever had
But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Maybe love is a hopeless crime
Giving up what seems your lifetime
What went wrong with something once so good
How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
When your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye
I know now I was naiveNever knew where this would lead
And I'm not trying to take away
From the good man that he is
But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Was it something wrong that we did
Because others infiltrated
What went wrong with something once so good
How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
When your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye
Is this the end ...are you sure
How should you know when you've never been here beforeIt's so hard to just let go
When this is the one and only love I've ever known
So, how do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
When your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye
"Goodbye" Alicia Keys *thanks yanna'*

You know ...if I knew back then what I know now, I'd still do it all again. However next time, I'd just stick to being friends. I'd keep my girls out of my decision making and I'd keep my guard up for just awhile longer until I was sure my love was requainted. Now maybe it's because of my feminine wyles...but I knew he'd be special from the day I ever spoke his name. But never would I have ever guessed that things would take the turn that they seemingly have...granted, I've been accused of taking things too seriously but its rediculous how we dont talk that much, how when we're in the same proximity those warm feelings that were once so present have vanished and replaced with cold awkwardness. I never imagined a day where an embrace would be out of the question...I miss those hugs. Who knew?
I dont mean to harp on the same subject, but a week without him can seem kinda' of bland. Sure, my times been filled with multiple meetings, model calls, studying, and hilltopics but its something that a quick sweet conversation can add. Its the little things I miss that you take for granted until they're not there. I'm nost saying I dont understand why things went the way they did because I do. He was taking up too much brain space...while that wasnt good, I didnt want him to be totally banished from my life. I mean he's here...technically but it's like that old song, "your body's here but your minds on the other side of town". Its kinda like a corpse...it's here but the spirits not. He's here but talking to him I get minimun response, no voice inflection, no emotion, nothing...just coldness. Does he hate me? How'd I ever let myself get to this point...never again will I EVER be this concerned.

The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety!
Created by -ambiguous and taken 76536 times on Bzoink
What is your favorite..
gum	Orbit Winter Mint
restaurant	Get Back to Me
drink	Cheesecake Factory's Strawberry Lemonade
season	Summer
type of weather	Warm
emotion	Who doenst like to be happy
thing to do on a half day	A half day? hmm...something creative, like a personal art project
late-night activity	Uhhhh.....fun stuff
sport	I like tennis
city	Atlanta then London
store	I love Bloomingdale's and small cute boutiques
When was the last time you..
cried	It's been happening alot lately
played a sport	whew...thats' been a minute
laughed	today
hugged someone	today
kissed someone	a week ago
felt depressed	last Friday
felt elated	ummm..elated? A few weeks ago
felt overworked	this week!
faked sick	this morning
lied	I haven't had to lie about anything in a minute
What was the last..
word you said	Excuse Me...so i guess "ME"
thing you ate	Pandini's Cheese Pizza
song you listened to	"Complicated" by Nivea
thing you drank	Pepsi
place you went to	Class in Childers
movie you saw	Baby Boy...i love that movie
movie you rented	Guess Who
concert you attended	Lyrically Inclined AB
Who was the last person you..
hugged	Michael Arceneuax
cried over	HIM
kissed	HIM
danced with	danced with? some random guy in the club
shared a secret with	Ashley Thomas
had a sleepover with	ummm....I guess my girls
called	Jana Holmes
went to a movie with	Claire and Brittany
saw	Tianna Gordan
were angry with	HIM
couldn't take your eyes off of	i dont know..obviously no one....nevermind there is this one attractive Omega
obsessed over	HIM, unfortunately
Have you ever..
danced in the rain	maybe when i was a little kid
kissed someone	yes
done drugs	no
drank alcohol	uhhhh yeaaaaa :0/
slept around	who's really going to answer this question?
partied 'til the sun came up	yes
had a movie marathon	yes, i like those even though i barely make it past the second movie
gone too far on a dare	naw
spun until you were immensely dizzy	when i was little i remember doing stupid stuff like that
taken a survey quite like this before	uhhh, stupid question
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to Bzoink

Now Playing: "It's too late" Marvin Gaye

I'm not big into astrology but this is funny....
virgos and romance
Many encounters with Virgo will be a well-choreographed ballet of excellent taste, seeing as how neat surroundings and stylish accoutrements are considered important to these folk. The level-headed Virgo is also a conciliator where romance is concerned, perhaps because being in love for them means falling hard. All that effort cannot be wasted. As a result, this perfectionist aims to please, and Virgo's lover will be one happy camper. Wise partners, though, will know that the Virgin also needs a place to call home.

Virgo and Relationships
Virgo's easygoing nature and Earth sign quality makes for a reliable and steady sort who relishes the opportunity to be helpful to their partner. The Virgin's devotedness also signals that a great deal of energy will go into making the relationship work. Those born under this sign tend to strive for the perfect relationship. The best reward for the oft-repressed Virgo is a lover who is willing to bring them into full flower, releasing a passionate and sensual soul. A relationship with a strong yet sensitive partner is one which is almost guaranteed success.

Virgo in Love
A natural state for Virgo in love is to analyze the situation while exploring it deeply. This will show off the Virgin as steady, solid and far from a flirt. Virgos are much more the true romantic; they love giving as well as receiving, passion and uninhibited joy. Virgos really know how to make their partner feel special, so some heat between the sheets is likely to occur! It's one lover at a time for the loyal Virgo, who reveres a relationship blessed with total honesty lest jealousy and feelings of inadequacy come to the fore. Love comes to Virgo slowly, carefully and sweetly, and the desire to learn all about their lover makes those born under this sign ideal lovers themselves. A Virgo in love is a sight to behold, a relaxed and confident soul.

Unfortunately this is probably true as well

Sagittarius and Romance

The game of love is a straight ahead affair for the Archer, one where the rules are laid down from the start. A good time is important to Sagittarians, so playful dates will be the right appetizer for this zesty lover. Those born under this sign are intuitive, and as a result, have a good sense of what and who they want. The one lucky enough to get in their sights is in for a wild time! Possibly the sexiest part of the game for the Archer is maintaining a sense of independence in the face of a blooming relationship -- there is nothing sexier for these folk. One possible exception might be honesty, which is often why a Sagittarian lover is also a best friend.

Sagittarius and Relationships
Mental fireworks will surely fly in a relationship with the Archer, for nothing seems worthwhile without them. This eagerness to learn can make for one very curious lover. Sagittarians love the idea of a companion, a friend/partner who can share in their quest for truth and knowledge. This relationship will be active and spirited, filled with adventures to faraway lands, as well as exotic fantasies in the bedroom. Traveling has never been more fun than with the Archer! This enthusiasm comes with a keen sense of loyalty for a deserving partner, but the Sagittarian's lover must be careful not to make the mistake of becoming boring or possessive. If so, they'll be vanquished from the lair (minor rifts, though, are gladly patched up in bed). The ideal Sagittarius soul mate is well-read on everything from Philosophy to Sex, and is not afraid to practice what they preach.

Sagittarius and Love
Love is wonderful for many, but it's a bit of an enigma for the Archer. What, after all, is love? To libidinous Sagittarians, love is often sex, plain and simple. These straight-shooters want a partner who is a mental and physical equal, yet one who understands "love" on their terms. This means mutual independence and an ability for each partner to do, and be, exactly what they want. Love can be hard for the Archer, since a fear of intimacy often swirls around them. For this reason, a friendship first is often the best way to encourage a love relationship with these folk. If this can be achieved, it's splendor between the sheets.

enough of this sad shit...
tonight, all things considered, was a wonderful night. I thank God for my girls and their ability to help me keep everything in perspective. I am a lucky person to have so many great friends. Tonight was all about me and my girls...looking good, smelling good, and feeling good...i cried all the tears I intend to cry. How funny it is that friends can help to turn your tears into smiles and smiles into laughter. I just want to be happy and I WILL be *because as that addyct might say i'm desperate to get what I want* Its time to get up, brush my shoulders off, put my head up and chest out and get back to doing what i do best...ME! I guess I should still be in the ben & jerry's, sappy dvd mode, but I'm not and I sure as hell wasnt tonight. I didnt do anything stupid like drink away my pain but an apple martini never hurt a soul, neither did VIP. I really don't know how I ended up there either...some man just kind of tapped us and escorted us to the top of the club. Only thing that would have made this night better is some pretty ass nupes...I dont know where they were but they weren't in the club I thought they'd be at..but its whatever. Fuck niggas...and not in a Feminist Male Bashing kind of way either...its more so about being happy about me and how great I am. The first step to recovery of any kind of addyction is to admit you have a problem..that being said I'm well on my way to being okay. I'm still kinda' bruised but I expect a full "I dont love deez' HOEZ" recovery in no time. Shoooooot...I need to take my joyful behind to bed...dont let this black Xs on my hand fool ya' - I'm definitely going to church in the morning *i know where my help comes from...and its definitely not these men that surround me!* (though i have AWESOME brothers and male friends that are truly ride or die...thanks!)

Now Playing: "Bad Habit" Destiny's Child

Alright, I was wrong....I didnt hate him, I never did. The truth is I loved him, I loved him too much. But it wont happen again...ever. If I was the kind of girl I think I was, he'll miss me when I'm gone. Vulnerability does have an expiration date, and when that time passes things will go sour whether u see it coming or not. He doesnt want me anymore, and if I'm lucky I wont want him after a while.

TEN RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME
1. I'm from Atlanta, GA
2. I write for my school's newspaper
3. I'm a fashion merchandising major
4. I'm not good at making new friends...lol
5. I'm really friendly but I don't always come off that way
6. I LOVE Howard University
7. My dorm this year is the best ever, where is MTV Cribs when u need em?
8. I've kept a diary since the 4th grade
9. I'm the only girl among 5 brothers, and i'm NOT a tomboy
10. I prefer baseball to football (shhhhh)

NINE WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
1. Make time for me
2. Suprise me
3. Let me know I'm the number one and the only one
4. Be honest
5. Listen to what I say
6. Encourage me in my endeavors
7. Allow me to spoil you
8. Have some goals
9. Be generous (i aint sayin i'm a gold digger, but i'm not messing with no broke ******)

EIGHT THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Graduate from college in 4 years
2. Write for a high fashion publication
3. Get Married
4. Have kids
5. Live in another country
6. Own a home
7. Give back to the people that gave so much to me
8. Make a difference

SEVEN THINGS THAT ANNOY ME
1. People that think they're cool, but really arent
2. Negative people (the ones that are always complaining....agghhh)
3. When someone leaves less than one serving in the refrigerator (why put an empty container back in there just for me to be siked out???)
4. Black girls with bad attitudes.....(why foster the stereotype ladies?)
5. Those wack little brats on My Sweet 16
6. Undependable people
7. People that take others for granted

SIX THINGS I BELIEVE IN
1. God
2. Myself
3. Random acts of kindness
4. Love
5. Divine Intervention
6. Purpose

FIVE THINGS I’M AFRAID OF
1. Never finding that one and only
2. Failing
3. Being Barren
4. Being Broke forever
5. Having bad credit

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
1. Good Conversation
2. Eating with my family
3. Laughing
4. Spooning

THREE THINGS I DO EVERYDAY
1. Bathe
2. Write
3. Do my hair

TWO THINGS I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW
1. Hit someone!
2. Hug someone!

ONE PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW
HIM

Now Playing: Raheem Devaughn "Believe"

i gotta check myself sometimes...gotta tell myself "ICE COLD" a la Andre 3000, "Be Cool" I say. Be natural. Be my funny, silly self. Its easier said than done...I don't understand why its such a challenge to be myself around someone that I've made myself most vulnerable to. what is it that makes me so insecure? (after all i am the one that makes his toes curl) "where are u?", "when are u coming home?", "who is she?", "where have u been?", "where are u going?'' DAMN! ease up..."ICE COLD: Be Cool" I guess things happen like that sometimes, when u have something good you just want to hold on so tight so that it doesnt go any where... not realizing that you're really killing it by holding on so tight. It's like that of catching a butterfly...sure u can bottle it up...but soon after it will die...its' the same with a relationship *of any kind*...if youre constantly questioning, checking, letting your insecurities get the best of you, the thing you care for most will be gone...because u suffocated it...didnt let that shit breathe


Now Playing: "cold, cold world" Carl Thomas

DAMON DASH: Dame is in the house, so letÂ’s get that cake. You are a businessperson who knows what y">
DAMON DASH: Dame is in the house, so let's get that
cake. You are a businessperson who knows what
you're doing. Ain't no slackin' when it comes
to your career. You KNOW how to make that
money. You are focused, intelligent, and have
dreams of the future which you are trying to
make come true. Loyalty...you know you gotta
have it. You got your people's backs and they
got yours. Besides the business side, you can
get down at a party or club any day and have
some fun. You are confident and know how to
treat people. Keep on keepin' on.

Which member of the Roc-A-Fella family are you?
brought to you by

Vulnerability

Anyone remember that Ralph Tresvant song, "sensitivity"? you know the one..."you need a man with sen-sit-tivity...a man like me"? Dont act like you dont know who Ralph Tresvant is...the lead guy from New Edition, u know...Raaalllphh, the cute one! I'm not quite sure why that song came to mind though, maybe because that's what I need these days. Not a winey guy, just someone that will protect my vulnerabilities. I feel so open and vulnerable, and I'm in no mood to get hurt, I'm too busy to be on the injured list for a broken heart. I feel like I'm on one of those cold Discovery Health operating room tables with all of myself out there and exposed praying someone will patch me up quick and cover me. It's not necessarily that I feel a heartbreak coming on but I just feel so out there on a limb like I'm about to fall. It's sorta of like the sensation of hanging out of a window on a rope with your fate dependent on another individual. When it comes to dependency, I'm a stranger to the word. What I want to do, I do, whether another joins me or not...I've always been like that. But these days this one addyct has got me so open...i hate it! How can one person have such an affect on my day and not even realize he does. I'm not saying I sit and do nothing, I'm an independent woman on the outside but I feel like a child clinging on to the monkey bars for dear life with the fear of falling inside. Women need security...I need security, I want something /someone that I know I can trust to handle my heart with care. Someone that understands how fragile a person can be. I'm not crying that I'm a wounded soul or anything of the sorts...but my heart hearts sometimes and it's not the kind of feeling that I need or want in my life right now. Luckily, it seems as if school and the daily rigors of life in the Howard fastlane has begun and I havent been able to think about things too much. But when I have quiet moments like this one I'm living in right now...I slip, and I actually care and think about that addyctive one and wonder if he's doing the same when I'm away...

Now Playing: "Sensitivity" by Ralph Tresvant