Updates!

I have an early life crisis just about daily but I'm figuring it out. I'm still California dreaming but NYC is calling my name. Things are really picking up opportunity wise. Last week the fabulous Marcia Caster, an editor from ESSENCE edited my resume and really made me look like a superstar on paper, and she didn't even lie! That gave me the boost I needed to go on an application spree. I've applied to I don't know how many jobs and have began to interviewing, meetings, power lunches. I am on a campaign here, I'm leaving no stone left unturned. I'm casting my ballot in a number of cards and waiting for the opportunity that belongs to me. My most phenomenal experience was being in the press office of a world renowned Japanese designer who for professionalism sake I will leave unnamed (though I will give his initials...Y.Y. and he has a brand with Adidas) and killed the interview only for the interviewer to tell me that I would tell me how talented and super cool I was and wonderful my portfolio was that I would probably be bored to pieces in the office and that there was little chance that I would get hired since the staff was so small there. Either way, she gave me contact names to various PR companies, Y-3, and one of my favorite Mags along with hers with encouragement to keep in touch. That felt good, validating. That even in a huuuuge rotten city like New York that I could shine. Out of alllll the girls in size 0 pants with degrees from FIT and Parson's that I, lil' thick girl from Howard University could still knock their socks off with my style and brilliance. Things are getting better but I'm taking it one day at a time. I have meetings and interviews all week, pray for me :)

First off...
Let me dispell the myth ... I am not Dominican. I moved to New York and people just decided to give me a different cultural background. I'm black- I got some other stuff going on too- but at the end of the day I'm black, I mean Dominicans, Ricans, and Cubans can be black too but I'm not Domincan.
Okay, New York isn't half bad. Still not where I want to settle down at but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll probably be here for a minute while I hustle my way up the industry ladder. New York's not so lonely anymore either- I have a great circle of comrads who have really helped to ground me here in the rotten apple. I just bought those flowers today too! They're pretty. The bookclub is amazing and the nonstop mismosas don't hurt either. Plus, there are soooooo many Howard people in the city, I see them everywhere- at work, at play, on the train, on the street- everywhere. It's awesome. I do need to find a hair salon ASAP though, if you have any suggestions please leave it in my comment box or send me an email preferably in Manhattan but I wouldn't mind going to some parts of Brooklyn. 
I'm liking adulthood though. It hasn't really got full swing (my mom still helps with rent for now) but I'm getting weened into independence. It's great figuring out who I am without constantly being distracted by outside influences. Figuring out and deciding who I am and who I want to be. Im creating habits, rituals, and making a lifestyle for myself. I think it's so important to decide what kind of person you're going to be and being comfortable with that. I'm very content with life. Though it's not all great - it is all good and the future's looking very bright.

My Perfect Man Theory

Anyone who knows me knows that I am the epitome of a girly girl- from the make-up to the clothes and especially boy talk! My friends accuse me of being of a talk show host asking questions like "so, what's your type"..."when do you want to get married"..."what's you ideal man." In general I would go through my check list [funny, attractive, ambtious, God fearing etc] then when I noticed my friends' minds starting to wonder while I kept listing attributes. I realized at that point that I needed to consolidate my list and this is what I came up with- a homieloverfriend.

Before you judge me, let me explain...
1. I need a homie because I want to be able to hang out with him, have riveting conversations and big laughs
2. Lover- it's not so hard side to understand right?
3. My perfect man is also my best friend because he should always have my best interest at heart and I should be able to trust him with my soul.
So while I'm sure the homieloverfriend theory reminded you of that old R. Kelly song, it actually has nothing to do anything he's talking about. Once I find mine, it will be game[s] over!

So I'm officially complete with my academic pursuits at Howard University! I'm not sure whether I should get up and shout for joy because it's over or weep for days because....it's over. These four years have zoomed by so quickly and life is coming like a ton of bricks! I graduate May 10, I start work at the magazine on June 2. It's crazy, I love Howard so much, it's the best (and one of the only major) decisions I've made in my life. I'm so excited about being a Howard Alumna...I'm going to be one of those people in the grocery store with my HU Sweatshirt, my DST cap...just PROUD.
My only regret is that I didn't cherish every milisecond of my time here. My family is too proud, they don't even know what to do with themselves. There's a big hoopla being planned for my graduation weekend. Truthfully it's more for my mother than it is for me, but that's okay. She deserves it, she single handedly paid my tuition. I have no loans, no debt, so I'm walking across that stage a free woman! That's also very exiting. Life is beautiful.

Feelin' Froggy?

You know what's soooo weird? I don't want to be in a relationship. Like honestly, I don't for the first time in a minute. I'm comfortable with the life and dating style I currently have [oh yea, that striking barely lasted 24 hours]. At first I just didn't get why I had been giving the best that I got and no one seemed ready. Then I did some self reflection and after deciding that they might not all be fullofshitnogoodniggasthataintnevergonnadorightbyme, I could see that it's simply a bad time in life to be bunned up. The futures so foggy I can barely see where my next footstep will land. I'm not sure what the next 2 or 3 months hold for me, I'm not sure about where I'll be living, where I'll be working, what mood I'll be in, or what haircut I'll have..I don't know anything! It would just be the worst thing for me to bring someone into that blurry equation. i feel like a frog making a big leap off of a lily pad and afraid that i wont land flat on the next. I'm making a big jump in life but I'm not quite sure what I'm jumping into and though a boyfriend might be a source of security it could also sway decisions that don't need to have anyone else's influence but my own. I was so into having a boo, I couldn't even see that this was a bad time for me just as much as it is for them. The dating life is fun, it's nice to have things easy and breezy and can often me a glimpse of sunshine in a cloudy and uncertain reality. I dont know if you can tell but I'm really having post grad anxiety! It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

On a less sickly note, I am looking forward to when I am ready to take the plunge. Being intimate, not physically but emotionally and spiritually, with someone is an experience like no other. Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to melt into them? It sounds so pyscho...but my friend and I were talking about this yesterday while riding around Baltimore. When you're in love the butterflies are just so sick and never ending- that place where the only thing you're scared of is losing them and that feeling that you all share. When that day and time comes, it will be a beautiful thing. I look forward that experience but until then I'm working on doing me to the fullest and cherishing each and every millisecond of it.

Now Playing: Its Whatever- Aaliyah

I Love When It Rains Outside

                                               

Okay...now that that bit is done.So the beat doesn't stop and neither does time.

Nope. Not for anyone- not even me. 

So, I've been breaking my strike; there's no real way I can. Tonight I went to this concert/recital here on campus called Love Story [if you go to HU, I'm sure you heard about it]...either way, I really did not what it was or why it was $12 but I went anyway because I wanted to support my friends. It's always so interesting when you see someone that you were once involved with and you all see each other again. What's even more interesting is when you are in a romantic environment but neither is with anyone or care to be. Unless it was with each other. 

Have you ever just wanted to break the silence and say, "hey, I'm still here and I still care" but pride mixed with fear stopped you.  That's a big move...to be vulnerable, to be real.  I feel like I've already been the bigger person by calling him and leaving a message, "hey its yasmine, I'm just calling to clear somethings up." and that was over a week ago. I wont go up and speak to him if he's speaking to everyone around me but me.  I tell myself that things will work themselves out...hopefully the way I want them to. 

Although I feel like it will- I still see the want in his eyes.

On a lighter note, please check out my new blog column, Haute Sh!t, on the ever humorous Lenzism.

Now Playing: You Made a Fool of Me, India Arie.

Seek Those Seeking You

Am I the only person without a true New Year's Resolution? I'm not going on a super new diet that garuntees that I'll lose 50 pounds in two weeks, I'm going to continue my Sprite addiction, and I will still eat beef every now and then even though it takes a month to digest. Yes, 2008 will be a GR8 year but it there won't be any changes due to unatural causes.

So Caleb, my youngest brother, is going through a few growing pains. He's 13 and in the 8th grade at the largest and one of the most prestigious private schools in the southeast. He's struggling to find his place in it all. Don't get me wrong, my baby bro isn't a "lame", he plays football and baseball, has an array of friends but Big Sissy always knows when K-Bird is faking the funk. One of his friends from Pre-K came over and prior to his arrival Caleb goes, "have you ever had a friend who you've known since Pre-K [though I was never in Pre-K] and you don't see each other that often and when you get older they're a little lame but you still have fun with them so you're still friends?" Honest question, huh? Well, I replied, "You know, the tides change alot when you're growing up. People who are cool in elementary may be lame in middle school or they may not be and people who are the ish in middle school may fall off it high school or they may not. All that to say that you can't base your friendships on people's popularity and if you're friend is honest, true, and fun then you stay their friend even when it's not popular." My mother thought that this was needed advice as she sensed Caleb's reservations. "He wants to be friends with this kid Ryan" she said, "and yes, Ryan's a nice kid but Caleb wants to be his friend because he's the star football player, his dad is a trainer for alot of professional football players, and he's really popular. What I try to instill in Caleb is that you can't choose your friends like that and you should seek those who seek you, Ryan's not the one calling wanting to come over."

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit crestfallen when I heard this. No one wants their sibling to be a "reacher"- needless to say, Caleb's getting my special lecture on "how to have true friends and make it look effortless." Tonight was my last real night in the A-town and I went to the Poetry Slam at The Apache Cafe. As I heard all of the spoken word artists rhyme verbal revelations, I had an epiphany of my own. I too should seek those seeking me instead of constantly reaching for something that may or may not be there. While I may have the popularity [whatever that means] thing on lock, I don't always seek men who seek me. One of my friends/lovedoctors made a comment, "Yaz, you like guys that are hard to get". I'm not sure what that's all about but it is a bit true. Why don't I give the time to guys who are just as excited about me as I am about them? I too am guilty of "reaching". It's a mess, ain't it? It's true though and I'm not ashamed of it because everyone's guilty. We all are like little Caleb trying to find his way. Okay, so after talking it out with myself, the computer monitor, and my dog, Sole, I guess my resolution is to seek those and that which seeks me (only if passes my 10 point inspection of course!)

Happy New Year Everyone!

Now Playing: All For You- Little Brother

My apologies go out to Richard Bentley Young, and whom ever else may have been waiting on a end of the year post and my thoughts for 2008.
Let me first start by saying that the past week has been a whirlwind. One of my very best friends fulfilled my prophecy of being the first to get married. Okay, well she did halfway did anyway- she got engaged. On Christmas Eve at that! How romantic right? Her engagement brings on so many emotions. For one, it makes me feel so fucking old so quickly. When did we get grown? She was just driving her mom’s rusty Bronco that we named, OJ. I didn’t realize that we were even allowed to have boys call the house!!! I’m late! Okay, so that was a little extreme but really though I feel though we’re so young and even though she’s only a year and a few months older than me I’m surprised that her family was elated and supportive and that she wasn’t drowned with lectures about "living your life to the fullest before settling down with some man". She and her boyfriend have been dating for just about five years and I had been talking about who her Maid of Honor should be to avoid the drama. Who knew the very next day she’d tell me that he popped the question. Crazy?! I guess it was the natural flow of the relationship…it was truly at the final fly or die stage and the time isn’t necessarily bad – they’re both done with undergrad. He owns a home, she’s moving out on her own on the first of the new year. They both have good jobs, she’s going to grad school next semester. They’re definitely a young couple on a serious come up but I have all faith that their love and their financial saavy. (because I don’t believe love is ever enough)
Another weird thing that happened when she got engaged was this sudden pressure. It came from no where. It was like this gun went off to mark the beginning of a race. Not a singles race but a relay. Kinda’ like the "life has officially begun" gun and she’s waaaaay in the lead. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ready to catch up to her. I can barely get a steady boyfriend, let alone a five year fire. I couldn’t even imagine being engaged, I don’t even like to play like that on Facebook. It’s just really crazy. I’m happy for her – super happy.
Another piece of my whirlwind is experiencing my very first bikini wax! WOW! That’s all I have to say. I’m guilty of sending models to get them before fashion shows but either I got a super bikini or this is the hell they go through just to weed the garden. I don’t want you all to think it was a jungle (not that you would be wondering but since I brought it up I just thought I’d clear my name) but I was always curious to see what wax could do. I actually hadn’t planned on getting a bikini wax, I went in with my younger godsisters, one who was getting a fill in and three others watching. It was Midtown Nails off of Ponce in the Whole Foods plaza. It looked clean, they all spoke very clear English and I said…hey why not. It’s not anyone will be seeing it for a while so if she messes up it’ll be a private matter. I felt like I was in a really bad but funny comedies- all I was missing was Owen Wilson or that guy from 40 Year Old Virgin, Asian wax artist included. It honestly didn’t hurt as much as it was invasive and blushworthy. When she told me to drop my the entire bottom half of my outfit (panties included) – I knew I was in big trouble. She offered a pair of disposable pair of undies to make me feel a little less out there but I soon found out that there wasn’t much coverage from them either. I was shocked that this personal of a service was offered for the extremely low price of "$22.00". I could tell she was very experienced with waxing as she went down there with no holds bar. I was so shocked, she was very thorough though. Even through all of the embarrassment, it honestly looks and feels great even though she got a little wax happy and left me with something in between a Bikini Wax and a Brazilian. What would you call that, a Brazini Wax?
2007 came and went so quickly. It has truly been an awesome year in so many ways. It was definitely The Year of Yasmine Part Deux. Since I’m the number #8, my expected graduation date is May 2008 and my birthday is in the 8th month I feel it’s only natural that 2008 will be another stellar year- The Year of Yasmine Part Trois. The only thing that scares me about good times is that where there is a mountain top there is also a valley somewhere really close. I’m nervous to think about whatever negative might happen. My only goals for 08’ is to graduate on time, get a good start with my career, and make my way back out to California!
Habari Gani Everyone and Happy New Year!


Now Playing: Break My Heart- Common

A Sentimental Mood

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with my new found appreciation for Smooth Jazz and listening to the rain but I have been in a very sentimental mood. So, to tie it in with the blog I decided to go back a little and revisit my top 8 favorite posts (in no particular order- get your clickers ready!). 

8. "Coming Out"  I love this post so much because it really was a postmark in my life and showed me so much about myself, being honest with myself and my feelings yet having to put 'me' aside and accept a friend. Now while this guy actually "defriended" me about 2 months ago over some nonsense, (i just chuck up to him going through alot and not knowing how and where to channel his emotions) he still taught me so much and I love him dearly.

7. "Motherhood, Marriage, and The Racial Divide"  This takes me back to my more journalistic approach. I felt this post had some hardcore principles of journalism action going on plus some very bold statements made that I still feel like have some credence. 

6. "Ujima" I love telling stories (true ones) and this one tops mosts. It was a crazy night where I bonded with some ladies who I still know and always share this night with. Just read ...

5. "The Reason Why I Hustle" This posts marks a landmark in my rise. Interviewing Chris Robinson was still one of my favorite moments to date. I was so happy to share it with my favorite magazine diva, Charreah too! Thanks for the invite :)

4. "The Industry"  I love the industry, it brings the most colorful characters out and gives fuel to some of my funniest moments. This post was a mix of storytelling and introspective spoken thoughts. 

3."Over It" I know I'm always talking about relationships and how people can't ever seem to get it together, well get together for that matter but I feel as though this posts goes into more of the real reason why as opposed to just venting. 

2. "It Can't Always be R-A-I-N-B-O-W-S" You can't win them all...you just can't and I'm living proof. Ce la vie. 

1. "Vulnerability" As much as I hate to revisit my bloody posts of the far past, there's something about the first time your fingertip hits the keypad to expose your thoughts, feelings, and ideas to the public. I used to be an emotional writer and while I feel as though my posts still carry a sense of passion I used to let my feelings bleed on the page. Not always a good look but I'm growing..

Hope you read, enjoy, comment and maybe learn something new about me or even you. 

Here's one more just for comedy's sake "My Theories of Late on Why Fighting In The Club Increases Your Star Power"

Now Playing: In a Sentimenal Mood - John Coltrane (of couse...)

It's 4am, I'm Just Getting Home-Tonight Was a Good Night

So, I've changed my mojo. I was on this grand quest for love and what was true in life but after assessing all that my surroundings has to offer I've realized that what I want may just have to wait but I can definitely keep myself occupied until that time comes. I mean you're only young, fly, and good looking once right? (after that you become older, fly and goodlooking ;) Anyway, my girls and I decided that tonight was a good night to celebrate our youth and seek new additions to our Little Black Books. On a mission we were!

It started at my bgf, Mike's house, he was the host house for a recent HU Law grad's going away party. To say the very least we were entirely overdressed! It was 11pm and we were in our FREAKUM OUT dresses and they were in jeans, hoodies, and few women had on high heel boots. Not to mention that we only knew my friend and his three other friends. It was soooo awkward. After being stared down by the law students, we...well I, got a rum and coke and bounced. None of them were cute anyway ...pshhhh.

So it was a slow start for sure but once we found ourselves at Jin Lounge on 14th and U it was all uphill from there. We were actually on our way to Tabaq on U St. but passed Jin on the way and the bouncer looked at us and said "hey ladies, you all should check us out...Free cover." In we were, it was cold and Jin seemed to warm and inviting. Upon entering we were welcomed by man who looked like some odd blend of Keith Sweat and Johnny Gill and my, my, my did he dance?! I mean it was 'dance fever' (ode to The Wood) in there!!!! I've never seen grown ass men dance so hard. It was like they took 1989 right out of their back pocket with the integrity of each dance move in tact- some of which I had never even seen before. 

There we encountered half of HU Med students and HU Engineer Alumn. It was great...quality men, though sometimes a bit corny, were sincere and weren't overly concerned with trying to holler. It was great. We were the belles of the ball in there. Men actually asked you to dance as opposed to accosting you from blindly from behind. It was so refreshing. 

We definitely plan on taking another trip to Friday Nights at Jin Lounge, especially since my DJ Coach, DJ Premonition, is the standing DJ every Friday. I loved it...(they also have an impressive martini menu- loved the Drink Pink)

After an hour or two we left and went to ever open Diner in Adams Morgan. Anyone who knows DC knows that you cant end a perfect club night Uptown without finishing it at The Diner. Where we met Morehouse Alum, the newest member of the Adrian Fenty staff, and a Loan Dealer (not so sure about that one...) I wonder what made us magnets tonight? Was it the confidence? (I thought I always exuded that) Or was it that we really just didn't care - one way or another? 

Now Playing: I Like- Guy

I'm so over it...No, really I'm too through. Men and women play so many games whether they want to/realize it or not...and for what? NOTHING is the answer. I just got home from Lucky Strike and I felt like I was alone in a huge crowd of people, not because no one was talking to me but I just alone in how I was feeling. It seemed like the whole bar was on some other stuff. There was this whole game where the women were talking to wack/corny/generally substandard men just because they were buying from the bar. I guess I'm not really up for suffering through pointless conversation just for a Blue Razz or Lucky Lemonade. Is it just me? I don't like giving out my number unless I really want to hear from the guy and I don't give fake numbers because I feel like that's childish. The whole mingling scene is dumb to me. Unless I really see something that sparks my interest then I really don't care to exchange numbers or get to know a person. This might sound strange but I really don't like meeting new people. It's just very awkward and you don't know anything about them, where they're coming from, who they are- they're essentially a stranger.
It's not just in the bar/club scene where these mindless games are played, it happens in relationships too. I'm currently in the talking/negotiating phase of a relationship with this one guy...oh you don't know what that phase is? It's basically when you're mutually feeling one another but aren't quite exclusive but you're establishing your terms of agreement. Anyway, in relationships people still play games even when they say they aren't. You want to call but you don't because the last two times you called so now you want him to...Or he texts you more than he calls so you stop answering his texts so he'll call more. You date other bullshit guys because you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket even though you know he's the only guy really worth your time. All these silly juvenile games we play for what? So we don't get played.
Everyone's so afraid of being rejected that we hinder ourselves from truly loving and living. We're always afraid of liking someone more than they like us. We edit our true feelings until God knows when...Can someone please tell me when the walls come down? When is it okay to say what you completely feel? At this rate I don't see how anyone's getting married. It's so many smoke and mirrors in this thing called dating. I thought things would be simple if I sat back and let a man pursue me but so many guys are addicted to the chase that you can never really care for them in return without them becoming disinterested. I've had multiple guy friends tell me that they love it when a girl plays hard to get and then when she eventually comes around he's done with her and on the the next. Aint that a mess? How does that work?
It's really frustrating and disheartening.

Now Playing: This Ain't Me -B.Hines

There Is Something So Double sided About Birthdays.

Let me just start by saying my 21st birthday has been great. I planned a 3 day weekend of it. Starting with an all girls (well, that was the intent but it was happily crashed toward the end) cake, champagne, strawberries and pedicure party. Then my bgf (best guy friend) Mike set up a really slamming chin dig at Andalu Bar and Lounge where all guests got in free ALL NIGHT (even though it was only supposed to be until 12am) with VIP. Then to end it all off my aunt threw me a really super dinner party at her amazing place. While I couldn't have asked for a better birthday and felt so much love and support from my friends and family there is something melancholy about birthdays. Among all the joy and anticipation there is something sad that happens on your birthday and I can't quite figure out what it is. Really there shouldn't be any sadness but then again it's only your birthday not a national holiday.

I've always wanted a surprise party but too afraid to actually have one. I blame it on the "Virgo" in me and say its because no one knows what I want like I know what I want but truly its because I don't think anyone would actually do it for me. So I just plan my own parties. I guess what makes me think that is that I planned a surprise party for one of my best friends and then she asked me what I was doing for my birthday very flippantly. It seems little I know but what if I had no answer? Would she have done all the things for me that I did for her? 21 is a big year, you don't get another big birthday until 25 and it's really random to have a huge party for an age like 23 so would I have had another hum drum birthday dinner at some restaurant chain? If I left it up to others to plan my birthday? Would they know me better than to try to take me to Cheesecake Factory or Benihana's? (no offense to anyone who might like those options ...I actually did Cheesecake Factory for my 15th birthday) Do my friends know me like I think they do or should?
In other news I am currently looking for my Tiffany's cross necklace that I wear everyday. I took it off because it clashed with a very ornate pearl necklace I wore on Friday but due to my inebriation I can't remember where I laid it down. It's making me sick to my stomach literally. I've had a bad attitude since I lost it.
That's all I feel like writing right now....just wanted to update you.

Now Playing: Drink and My Two Step- Cassidy

"Clouds and Whipped Cream"...
sometimes that's all it really is.

When I was a kid I thought that clouds were something you could hold. Something like cotton that levated up in the sky. Then I took my first plane ride and realized that it was merely a "visible mass of condensed droplets, frozen crystals suspended in the atmosphere above the surface of the earth." We flew through them as if they had no weight, they were nothing. Much of the same thing is whipped cream. When atop a dessert one can certainly be lead to believe that that whipped cream is in fact vanilla ice cream. I hate whipped cream for that very reason. Anytime I'm eating my favorite brownie a la mode at The Diner I must say "hold the whipped cream" because I hate being mislead. I hate believing that the whipped cream is something that its not. It looks too similar to the ice cream.

Do you smell what I'm stepping in? Do you see where I am going?
Not yet?
Fair Enough...

In life so many things are not what they seem. Looking at something (may it be a person, experience, thing) you may think it has so much depth, or its so extraordinary- when the fact of the matter is that its not. And then you have to live with that deceit. Its like coming down on the whipped cream on a spoon or flying through a cloud and realizing that there's nothing truly there. Or better yet what is there isn't worth the hype.


Now Playing: Cute - Canton Jones

Case of The X

So here I am. Back on my soapbox. Sitting here at work (http://www.stellableu.com be on the lookout for our new online boutique!). Bored, eating my strawberry lemon water ice from next door trying to avoid the ever dreaded brain freeze. I've been pondering this subject for a minute now, it's really been bothering me and I've been trying to figure out why. I think I've got it. They've all got one (men that is)...
"Got what?" you ask...
An Ex-girlfriend!
And I hate them all dearly.
It's just a matter of time before they rear their suprisingly beautiful head up in each and every relationship. Now, when I meet a guy and we start getting to know each other I just countdown in my head until she reveals herself because unless he's still unabashadley mourning over her - he'll try to hide the fact that she's still there. It's okay though...she'll make herself known. Unnecessary/obnoxious Myspace/Facebook posts referencing past experienes. Constant text messages. Random emails/voicemails .....She's relentless.
Every guy has one. Whether is past relationship ended good or bad, she's still there and still affects him one way or another. She's the reason he has commitment issues...she's the reason he can never spend the night...she's the reason he does this or won't do that. Its frustrating really, how this person from the past has so much precedence in his present.
What's even crazier is that while I hate ex-girlfriends....I am an ex-girlfriend. Every woman is and each of us has had a hard time letting go. We all have reaked havoc on our ex's life in some way or another...Whether we felt like he was always going to be there despite his new girlfriend, or maybe we wanted to give it another try, or we remained "friends" that make uncomfortable references in the presence of others about our past. We've all been guilty of being that blasted ex that just won't accept the fact that she is just that. An Ex.



My Love- Ciara

Bearing Your Daily Cross

I've never been uber religious (which used to get me in big trouble at my Christian high school) but I do have a strong sense of who and what God is to me. I definitely believe that everyone has a burden to bear ...a daily cross to wear on your back...your personal protest....what you alone must fight for in your life. I think I have figured mine out. Some kinda' way I got mixed in with the "role model" pile. I was just living my life trying to do my thing and the next thing I know I have godsisters, cousins, and family friends looking to me (.....................................................................excuse me while i help the 3 self-proclaimed "faggies try on our women's Joe's Cigarette cut jeans........................................................................................) as an example of what to do - may it be right or wrong. Growing up I always looked to my mother's bestfriend's daughter, Chante' for all that was cool and worthy in life. Chante' was a lot like me... short, cute, and stylish- she cheered, had great grades, popular, and super lovable. I loved coming to DC and being her miniature sidekick- anything Tae' did I wanted to do too. What I've learned is that I'm now someone else's Chante'. I have my own league of proteges now to help mold into women of purpose. I know this is a really random thing to blog about but I feel a great deal of responsibilty to be a good role model and I definitely think about that on a regular basis. I have come to realize that this is my daily cross to bear. I'm not sure who said this but I definitely agree with them..."I do this for the people."

now playing: prototype- andre 3000

THE HONESTY BOX!

So about this "Honesty Box" phenom that has hit the world wide pages of Facebook. So far my appeal rate is 60/40. Sixty percent of people love me to pieces and the other forty percent are haters. Well, you can't please all the people, all the time now can you? In some ways I feel like the Honesty Box has taken the responsibility away from people. It's like you can just say whatever you feel without the repercussions of a reaction [unless of course like me you tell an old partner their stamina, or lack thereof, threw their entire stroke game off and they knew it was you so they wrote something smart in your box too]. After that incident I vowed to just be a positive force in the Honesty Box world, if I'd be ashame to admit to my remarks then I won't make them. Simple as pie.

The Honesty Box has begun to turn some wheels in my brain though...like, "what if I'm not really as cute/fly/smart/perfect as I think I am?" This is not just a personal thought though, it's more like we all pretty much think we're young, attractive, well liked and represented forces in our environments... but what if that wasn't so. It had me thinking, maybe people don't like me for my looks. Am I one of those people who when asked about people answer, "well, she's a really sweet girl." Actually they probably don't say that either because from what I'm seeing I'm not all that sweet. [ I take that back one person encouraged me to "STAY SWEET"]

The Honesty Box hasn't crushed my esteem but moreso made me be a realist in terms of coming to grips with how people truly view me and for that, I thank the makers of the Honesty Box. However, I do want to say one thing.... Fuck haters...GET MONEY! lmao.

What are your views?

Now Playing: Mo' Money More Problems - Notorious BIG

Home Sweet Home?

Forgive me for my absense I've been doing absolutely nothing blogworthy since I last wrote. However, some rising thoughts have caused me to question my place in this place called "home". I really think age, time, and distance is not so slowly but surely pushing me out of my position in my home in Atlanta. When I came home after freshman year it was like nothing changed, I just had a new network of college friends. After sophomore year I didn't come home but for a few weeks and not too much had changed except that my mother had given away all of my beloved childhood furniture and repainted my room from fushia to sea foam green! Now, 2 weeks after the end of my junior year - it's like I never even lived here...all my high school memorabilia (megaphone, cheerleading uniforms, pom poms etc) are all in the closet of the newly deemed "guest room". New more vogue and mature mahogany furniture fill the space giving it a serene, luxurious getaway feel. I'm not mad at my momma but dang, why couldn't I get the vanity when I was actually here to enjoy it?!

In a heated discsusion my mother blurted out that she wished I'd "hurry up and get back to DC" - that's when I finally realized that this house is no longer my home! While it's nice to visit the parental units its clear that my life is now resides in Washington, DC. It is a bit sad but ultimately true. I don't even have a 404 number...its 202?! Though I must admit, ATLANTA is the shit these days! (see photos [top to bottom]: 1. me and my linesister, K. Champagne 2. Crazy people of Sole Munki 3. My homeslice Z and her friend, Brian)

In other news I'll be in LA at the BET Awards later this month so if you're going to be there too holla' at a player! I feel like hustle is back on...this is gonna' look great on my resume!

Now Playing: I Did You Wrong- Mims

My Thoughts of Late on Twiddling My Thumbs

No, I'm not literally twindling my thumbs but I am in my mind. I've accomplished all my goals while at Howard with a year to spare! What am I to do now? What more to conquer?

I have done it ALL

Excelled in my major (check)

Basically ran shit (check check and check -see resume)
Had my own Girl Scout Troop, yes that was a goal (check)
Did THE Fashion Show (Homecoming - the one that matters most, let's not pretend) (Check 2x -I'm doing it again in 07')

Pledged the most revered woman's organization not only on campus but in the world (DELTA...really sounds good to me:) (CHECK!)

So now...The question is - what to strive for now? I tried striving for a bomb internship in New York and came a day late and a dollar short. You know what...I think that's it. Turn my collegiate success into my life's success. I guess I've conquered everything at Howard- now the record has begun to skip. Only thing left to do on campus is to be the best student, friend, and Delta I can be and to strive for that which is HIGHER than whatever there is to do here at Howard. This time next year I'll be saying my good-bye's to good ole' HU without any regrets. Whatever I wanted- I went for it despite whether the odds were for or against me. I wouldn't change anything about my matriculation through The Hilltop. It's been a looooooooooooooong time coming (or so it seemed when I was on my way) and know I've finally reached the point where I can say "ahhhhh"- I have arrived! Now let's just make sure this fashion show is HAUTE and this is the best year ever for Alpha Chapter.

Now Playing: Teach Me- Musiq

Finding My Focus

For the second time in 2007 I went to church. While I no longer make resolutions in the new year, I do create goals for myself. One of my goals is to find a church home here in DC. At home I enjoy and am challenged by the message of Bishop Eddie Long at New Birth Cathedral. Yea, it's one of those black mega churches and that's a controversial subject in itself. HOWEVER, he's always met me where I am in my life and teaches on subject matters pertaining to things that not only apply to me now but guides me to where I want to be not only spiritually but in every aspect of my life. (and for anyone who wants to say he cheats the congregation out of their money...half of them make more than him...it's a BLESSED church)I've been going to church with my Aunt mostly for the past 3 years and I've really only been going because it's the right thing to do. But truthfully, I learned about Daniel and the Lion's Den long ago. It really just really wasn't feeding my spirit. Then I visited my cousin's church that she raves so much about...what's it called? From the Heart or something to that degree. It was okaaay but the minister talked to the simulcast the entire time which was distracting and then when they acknowledged the visitors they sang the cheesiest song I'd ever heard. From the Heart just wasn't in my heart so it was a no go...Then this evening I went to church right on Howard's campus. Something just wasn't right...too much shouting, hooping and hollering and not enough true to life Word. I'm not anti-old school style of church but I don't feel like a 4 hour church service is relevant to my life! Honestly I can't understand the message through all that hoopin' and hollerin'! That's so retro like those churches that are constantly having fish fry's and selling chicken dinners to raise money for a new air condition unit- I simply can't do it! Also, I got the most funny feeling while there...as if all the spirits present weren't quite Holy. The older I get the more of a discerning spirit I have grown. And I'm trusting my gut on this one...The search continues

Now Playing: Jesus On The Mainline (tell Him what you want!)

My Thoughts of Late on Friendship, Inspiration, My Vow to Blog More Often, and Being a True to Life Good Girl :)
(Current State: stuck in the snow at my aunt's, deep in the burbs of D.C. (mitchelleville/bowie if you cared to know) - mind you she has 335i BMW Coupe that she swears does not work in the snow ...maybe if I had something to do in the morning I'd be upset but la vie es belle so I don't and I am sucking up all this bougie Prince George's county air and chalking up the fully stocked fridge, lush beds, and jacuzzi for what it's worth!Now on to what I'm actually supposed to be writing about...)

I'm horrible at making friends. That's a God-honest fact! In most cases I'm super reserved around new faces, I'm almost terrified of strangers, and I'm not always the most friendly nor the most open person. However, for some strange reason I have my fair share of really great friends. I don't mean the kind of friends that come and go as they please but I have some true blue...super trooper type crew...It's mind blowing to think about. With many friends comes many personalities- and with people come flaws- flaws that I'm beginning to notice and having to deal with. Sounds crazy I know...silly even but it always suprising me when I discover my friend's tragic flaws. I recently inducted new friends into my circle (most friends I've had for over 5 years), and for the past 6 mos. they're flaws have gone virtually unnoticed.

...Now, I can't say the same. Though, when you're attached at the hip with someone...always being associated with that same one...and also always have people talk about how close you are (whether they know or they think they know ...) it becomes alot to handle. It's a lethal overdose for even the best of friendships. Now I've found myself backing away from my friend and taking it in like a super hot cup of cocoa...being careful not to burn myself or her with the nerves that she can really pluck.
Are girlfriends becoming the new boyfriends? Should we keep our friendships on the low just so people don't pre-label what we are? Am I horrible for shying away from the term bestfriend, even though I love the person dearly and hang out ALOT with them? Am I THE ONE AFRAID OF COMMITMENT? Idunno...you tell me.

But here's one think I do know, I'm gonna keep juggling friends like clowns juggle bowling pins. I'm definitely a Girl Scout at heart I "make new friends but keep the old...one is silver and the other's gold" ...I'm just not up for promoting someone from silver to gold before they've faired their time.


In other news. I've been feeling so inspired lately...I'm thinking it has something to do with my Fashion Illustration II class. Professor Vernon really knows how to pull out my creative side and charges me to dig deep to find out what and who I'm all about. I love it and I can't wait to live the colors I see in my mind out in life. The people around me have been a true source of inspiration as well...everyone is hustling their prospective mojos and it's a beautiful thing. Soon you all will see...I've got something brewing in my pot (just ask Farren Hinton:)

About blogging. Some people blog waaaaaaaaay too fucking much in my opinion. How do you have time to live life if you're always on the damn internet? What do you truly have to write about? I'd rather write less with more substance than write everyday and have my ramblings loose it's appeal. I'd like to think of my posts as something similar to The Charlie Brown Christmas Special (someone please remind me who I was talking to when I said this silly shit and remind me why it was soooo hilarious) ...see, the reason it's so great to watch is because it doesn't come on that often. My blog is appealing is because there is an anticipation that comes along with waiting on a new post. I'm not saying I intentionally go great legnths of time without blogging...but what I am saying is I'm busy living life in 3D. And nothign can replace that. Though, I do like to please others so I do plan on writing a bit more in this new year. HAPPY NOW?

The other night I was talking to one of my most in'sync guy friends and he was reading me my sexology (I'm a virgo) and it was talking about how the virgo woman, me in this case, is a true good girl- no matter how hard she fights to dispell the myth. While I was a bit uncertain of the validity of the book's claims ...I'm certain now.

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 40%

Sloth: 40%

Pride: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.

Only a 14% chance of going to hell? I'm an ANGEL!


Now Playing: Dreamgirls- The Dreams (Dreamgirls OST)