Motherhood, Marriage, and the Racial Divide
(Warning: You Might Be Mad At My Findings and Futhermore My Conclusion)

I hate to harp on the same topics...but it's really getting rediculous.
I went to a majority white high school and I now go to a historically black college. My high school was conservative, my college is liberal. My high school was in a quiet suburb of Atlanta, my college is in the heart of hood in Washington, DC. I love my people and my heritage but I must say there is something that more white people seem to be doing right that blacks of all socioeconomic backgrounds are missing.
Having children out of wedlock.
This is getting really crazy. I truly believe it's a generational curse that we have not been able to break. Since this is such a touchy subject I'll use my own life as an example.
My mother...had her first child (my oldest brother) at 14 years old. Now that's extreme...of course she wasn't married. Then about 15 years later, she had me. Was she married? NO.
My oldest brother had his first son out of wedlock. Unfortunately the relationship didn't work out with the mother of his oldest son. He finally got married and has had two other children with his wife. His two younger children live in the ideal household, two loving parents, two car garage, and white picket fence. Just because of the circumstance his oldest son has never fully experienced this. Now his oldest son's mother has another baby by another man but failed to make it to down the aisle. It's important to know that eldest nephew's mother has Sickle Cell Anemia. So, there's a great chance that during one of her spells she could loose her life. If she dies...is my nephew supposed to be split with his new baby sister? be away from his father who loves and wants him to live with him? Do you see the problem this poses? Do you see how his mother had continued to instill this twisted order of how things are supposed to happen?
I have a cousin who is 23 named Shamira. Shamira is not in school...never was. She has 4 children; ages : 6, 4,3, and almost 1. I must give Shamira some credit because all of her children have the same father.
Though I know a young lady who is 22 also with 4 children but she had 3 different baby fathers. Come on that's a shame and scandal.
I also have multiple black friends and know multiple people who have gone off to college and gotten pregnant. All over the facebook I see pregnant pictures, baby showers, and deliveries.
On the other hand, my white associates have facebook albums of bridal showers, braidsmaids luncheons, weddings, and honeymoons. Anyone see anything wrong with this?
White women are having weddings...black women are having babies. White girls are picking venues for their wedding reception, black girls are chasing child support checks. While white women are having bridal showers, black women are having baby showers. I'm not saying it's a white and black thing...but my findings are telling me that it just might be. We are repeating the mistakes of our parents.
I'm not saying that 20-22 are ideal ages to get married but I know for sure that those also are not ideal ages to have a child either, especially with a husband by your side to help guide your child's life in the way it should go. Babies are a blessing, but sometimes we're not mature nor ready to receive our blessing. It seems as if no one is really thinking of the children. Preparing for that "bundle of joy" is precious...the cute onsies, the adorable nursuries (if you can afford one), choosing the name (even though some could use just a bit more thought). Everyone loves babies...but babies grow up. They don't stay babies they turn into mischeivious toddlers, smart mouthed middle schoolers, rebellious teens.
I know a girl whose 20, her mother is 34, and her stepfather is 30. How is the man who you look to as a father figure going to be 10 years older than you? That's retarded!
I'm not saying all of these young mothers are bad mothers, for I believe they all really want the best for their offspring but really. I see pictures on facebook of 3 month old babies with Jordans on...does the mother have a degree? NO. A career (not a job, a career...there is a difference)? NO. Does the child have a savings account yet? I hope so....
What is it that our generation doesn't get? What is it that these white kids get? Most of the black people I know are well educated, went to excellent schools, live in prominent neighborhoods (so they're not ghetto by anymeans). They are equal socioeconomically to the white kids I know. Alot of us all went to the same private Christian school. Why do white men marry and black men run? We as young black adults have to make a change and stop the madness. We really need to think about what we are doing to our kids. My bestfriend's boyfriend said one day, "Yea, I want to have some kids and then get married." WTF?! Who says that? You'd be suprised but alot of men. A guy I used to date said to me, "Yea, I mean I want to get married about 30 but I'll probably have kids around 27, 28." NOOOOO, THAT'S NOT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO!
It's just like Common says in his song Retrospect for Life, "too many black women can say that they mothers but can't say that they wives."
This is a serious matter, however I have been able to find some humor andwould like to share it with you:
IT'S A SHAME AND SCANDAL WHEN:
1. Your baby's picture is on facebook
2. You have a facebook account but aren't in school anymore because you got pregnant
3. You bring your child to school and have them "kickin it" in hotspots around campus such as The Cafe, The Punchout, you got the baby stroller going across The Yard (my HU people know what I'm talking about)
4. Your friends can't come to your baby shower because they're all away at school
5. You use your refund check to buy diapers
6. You have to check your child into your dorm ("is this what we consider extended visitation?")
7. Your baby is in your wedding photos, or even apart of the wedding party (my parent's are guilty of this atroscity)
8. You take your child to Perfect Shots (or any other mall photographer) for pictures
(there is no reason your baby should child should have champaign flutes in the background of their photo!)
9. Your 6 year old can't read
10. A family takes care of your child(ren) because you can't afford day care

Okay...these are just some things to think about. Like I said before all children are blessings and it's great for people to handle their responsibilities. Let's start using self-control in addition to birth control.

Now Playing: Sadie, R. Kelly

Editor's Note: All pictures were on Facebook, therefore public property..I blurred out the identities of those who may not be displayed in the most positive light. But then again, all this is the reality of what I see.