Thursday, May 07, 2009

A Letter to My Friends on The DL

(note it's MY blog so if you don't like what you're reading please press the 'x' that the top right of your screen)
Dear Friends,
I love you all very much but what you are doing is f*cked up! This sleeping around with both men and women is wrong. What you're doing is lying, deceiving, manipulating and most of all putting a lot of people in danger because half of you, I know for a fact, are NOT using protection. Why do you think you're immune to AIDS? You're not! Even if you don't ever want to come out and say "you're gay" because you don't want to "put a label on yourself" aka you don't want to suffer the burdens of a gay black man in America - please just be honest with the people you're sleeping with. We, as women, your friends, sisters, and lovers deserve better. Stop using us as cover ups, lying to use when we confront you with the word on the street, sneaking around behind our backs with your "homies". This whole DL thing has got to stop.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how it could be hard to come out. I know many of your families don't agree with homosexual behavior and while society embraces it on t.v. no one seems to want to confront it in real life. Many of you want the freedom to lead "normal" heterosexual lives when you get ready to settle down and think you're "just living your life now" but what woman truly deserves a man that will never be in love with her? Why knowingly do that to a person? I also understand some of you truly don't know what/who you want. Some of  you, my friends, are just so freaky that you'll have sex with just about anything. But let me ask you this one thing, is it worth dying for? So many of you are in this underground network of men who "mess around" with other men mostly unprotected but don't call yourselves gay and you still have girlfriends and female lovers.
While discussing my frustrations with an openly gay friend, he told me "it's really not about you". Part of that is very true, it's not about me- it's about all of us. Who you choose to sleep with is your business, it honestly is. However when you partake in risky behavior whether that be homo or heterosexual you put everyone you're in sexual contact with at risk. And that's why it's about US. Let's be honest, everyone on Howard's campus has practically slept with the same people whether we know it or not. So if Bob and Anne are dating but Bob and his homeboy Bill are having sex but don't want to see it as homosexual and therefore aren't using protection Bob and Bill are EXTRA foul. Not only is Bob cheating on Anne which causes emotional woes but he's also having unprotected sex with Bill and puts her at risk. Bill is f*cked up too - because he's most likely friends with Anne, been knowing her since Pre-O (Howard people know what that is). It's just all so sinister.
We have to change our behavior people! Not just the brothers on the downlow but the black culture as a whole. Many of the men are somewhat forced to be secretive because a lot of families ex-communicate homosexuals, it's not looked upon favorably in black business affairs, and though the black church is quick to have a gay man as a choir director that same gay man gets sideways glances when he's in the pew. We have got to be more accepting of people's lifestyle choices. No sin is greater than another.
Men who are sleeping with other men and women and not being honest with your partners-STOP! Just stop, if you're not sure which sex you like better just pause for the cause until you can figure it out. If you're not MAN enough to tell your woman that you like sleeping with men then just stop involving yourselves with women. I guess I just want all the lying and deceivng to stop. pointblankperiod. Some of you are so gay and everyone can see it but you- you're so afraid to be yourself that you don't realize that the people around you already know and love you for who you TRULY are. You don't have to lie to kick it! (getting words like she tripped up with "he" it's a damn shame!) I guess I have ranted and raved long enough. I pray we can make this situation better for all parties involved,
A loving daughter, sister, friend, lover.