Thursday, May 07, 2009

A Letter to My Friends on The DL

(note it's MY blog so if you don't like what you're reading please press the 'x' that the top right of your screen)
Dear Friends,
I love you all very much but what you are doing is f*cked up! This sleeping around with both men and women is wrong. What you're doing is lying, deceiving, manipulating and most of all putting a lot of people in danger because half of you, I know for a fact, are NOT using protection. Why do you think you're immune to AIDS? You're not! Even if you don't ever want to come out and say "you're gay" because you don't want to "put a label on yourself" aka you don't want to suffer the burdens of a gay black man in America - please just be honest with the people you're sleeping with. We, as women, your friends, sisters, and lovers deserve better. Stop using us as cover ups, lying to use when we confront you with the word on the street, sneaking around behind our backs with your "homies". This whole DL thing has got to stop.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how it could be hard to come out. I know many of your families don't agree with homosexual behavior and while society embraces it on t.v. no one seems to want to confront it in real life. Many of you want the freedom to lead "normal" heterosexual lives when you get ready to settle down and think you're "just living your life now" but what woman truly deserves a man that will never be in love with her? Why knowingly do that to a person? I also understand some of you truly don't know what/who you want. Some of  you, my friends, are just so freaky that you'll have sex with just about anything. But let me ask you this one thing, is it worth dying for? So many of you are in this underground network of men who "mess around" with other men mostly unprotected but don't call yourselves gay and you still have girlfriends and female lovers.
While discussing my frustrations with an openly gay friend, he told me "it's really not about you". Part of that is very true, it's not about me- it's about all of us. Who you choose to sleep with is your business, it honestly is. However when you partake in risky behavior whether that be homo or heterosexual you put everyone you're in sexual contact with at risk. And that's why it's about US. Let's be honest, everyone on Howard's campus has practically slept with the same people whether we know it or not. So if Bob and Anne are dating but Bob and his homeboy Bill are having sex but don't want to see it as homosexual and therefore aren't using protection Bob and Bill are EXTRA foul. Not only is Bob cheating on Anne which causes emotional woes but he's also having unprotected sex with Bill and puts her at risk. Bill is f*cked up too - because he's most likely friends with Anne, been knowing her since Pre-O (Howard people know what that is). It's just all so sinister.
We have to change our behavior people! Not just the brothers on the downlow but the black culture as a whole. Many of the men are somewhat forced to be secretive because a lot of families ex-communicate homosexuals, it's not looked upon favorably in black business affairs, and though the black church is quick to have a gay man as a choir director that same gay man gets sideways glances when he's in the pew. We have got to be more accepting of people's lifestyle choices. No sin is greater than another.
Men who are sleeping with other men and women and not being honest with your partners-STOP! Just stop, if you're not sure which sex you like better just pause for the cause until you can figure it out. If you're not MAN enough to tell your woman that you like sleeping with men then just stop involving yourselves with women. I guess I just want all the lying and deceivng to stop. pointblankperiod. Some of you are so gay and everyone can see it but you- you're so afraid to be yourself that you don't realize that the people around you already know and love you for who you TRULY are. You don't have to lie to kick it! (getting words like she tripped up with "he" it's a damn shame!) I guess I have ranted and raved long enough. I pray we can make this situation better for all parties involved,
Signed,
A loving daughter, sister, friend, lover.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

You the truth and I can think of a few initials off the top of my head.

Miss Yasmine said...

yea, it's really disheartening. I didn't write this to "out" anyone I just want people to wake up!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing this Yasmine, as a woman, this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my life. It's a very heartbreaking situation in the black community, and something needs to be done.....

Anonymous said...

Good points. Although, it is wrong to assume that all DL brothas are having unprotected sex. Women who are HIV positive usually get it from one of three ways: 1) IV drug use 2) Hetero male who is an IV drug user or 3) HIV+ bi male. I do understand your point, especially since the Female-to-male HIV transmission rate is slim to none (except in Africa)that women are the victims here...but you said it best...society is not accepting of bi black men. Therefore, unless black women start writing positive notes about the homosexual/bisexual lifestyle, men will remain in the closet. Your post is stating things we've heard time and time again. Men are going to do their dirt period. If a bi male (who uses protection all the time )were to read this, he would stay his ass in the closet b/c of angry black women (no offense)that would stereotype them. The only way to rectify this is to be more open about homosexuality. Maybe your next post should be about acceptance. -just a thought

Miss Yasmine said...

No, thanks for your comment! a woman's going to be mad period when she's being lied to. i do understand that explaining to someone that you're bi is especially hard when you're a black male. but everyone has to take steps towards honesty and acceptance. and i didn't say all men on the DL aren't using protection- i really did write this letter to my friends who are on the DL and a lot of them ARE NOT and I that's a fact that I know! and as far as being angry- i have a right to be however, i don't feel like this post came from a angry place. just a concerned one. i feel like i also addressed the fact that the black community is somewhat at fault for these men who don't want to be honest. i want people to wake the hell up!

Anonymous said...

At what point in a relationship should a couple stop using condoms? -->When they get married. Sex outside of marriage is risky...point blank. So we as a society should have that mentality that everyone is guilty until proven otherwise. or should I say HIV+ until proven otherwise. I didn't say everyone is DL until proven otherwise LOL Statistics show that STD's are disproportionately higher in unmarried couples...which makes sense. Women especially need to protect themselves in this day and age. DL/bisexual/gay is going to remain prevalent whether we are accepting of it or not. Ladies, protect yourselves. Now married men that cheat/play around is UNACCEPTABLE and one of those unfortunate things.

Miss Yasmine said...

I do agree! Women do need to protect and lookout for themselves regardless of their man's sexual deviations! However, I realize some people aren't being as responsible as they should be. People are entirely too trusting especially when they think they're sleeping with people who they know really well. i have a friend who had been dating her boyfriend for 7 years and caught him with another man last year and he had been participating in that behavior since 04! After 7 years I'm sure most people probably feel comfortable with their partner enough to be condom free, for better or worse. just being "real"

Anonymous said...

i totally understand why a black man wouldnt want to come out. the black community as a whole is obviously not accepting of homosexuality whether it's male/female. but in all honesty..its a dangerous world and like yasmine said..there are so many diseases out here..that one can't afford to play games. as a female and member of the black community..i think it would behoove us to be more accepting of homosexuality...because we're the cause of men on the DL. and until that happens...it will continue to be a problem. but a message to any DL brothers...please be honest with your mates...whether you use protection or not with your homosexual lover..its not right to leave them in the dark...while ur still trying to find your way out of the closet.

Dmiller24 said...

All that gay shit is nasty to me.... If you even kiss another man your gay, I'm sorry I'm just calling a spade a spade... AINT NO SUCH THING AS HALFWAY CROOKS!!

bobbyandwhitney said...

yaz u already know how i feel about this! and i love ur letter. this is the trillest shit u ever wrote!

alex c said...

Hey hoping you will update soon its been awhile!

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