Friday, September 30, 2005

ITS ALL GOOD... no really it is!

You know...I do lots of complaining, not really but ...When I sit back and really evaluate my life and "how I'm living" everything is G-O-O-D! I have no one to thank for that but God, the man, or woman (as Common or Andre 3000 might be proned to think), above. Everytime a door is closed another one is opening up right in front of me. This year has brought some heartache and dissapointment but I know that I'm brink of something simply spectacular, and thats WITH or WITHOUT any organization or person holding me down. Who got my back like I do? Sure there are definitely people in higher places looking out, but it's me against this world and I do plan to conquer it with my integrity in tact. People can be grimey and often times will do anything to be at the top, but I could never do anything that I wouldn't want my momma' to know about. Everything I accomplish and will accomplish will be off of my OWN merit, granted there is nothing wrong with networking and knowing the right people but that's just a part of life. I love Jesus, however I'm no "Bible Thumper" if anything I need to get right in alot of aspects of my life but I do believe His Word is true. A few weeks ago when I was just feeling down and out like I had no friend in the world my mother called me, I truly believe it was a God sent phone call because I actually answered even though I hate the phone. It's something about a mother's word, I tell you...she made me realize that whether or not I was the object of any man's affection or whether or not any organization decided that I was good enough to be apart it that I was still OKAY. It doesnt matter who loves me or who hates me for that matter, because there is STILL ONE THAT WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME...and that's God. I am the apple of HIS eye, and he's the ruler of the world. I've never been an ultra-spiritual person but that's something real and tangible...I can feel and see the evidence of his love all around me. I admit I am that girl who's always looking for true love, but honestly I've already found it...well, it found me...and it's been there the WHOLE TIME! It almost brings me to tears when I think about His goodness. When I look back over the last year of my life, I have accomplished soooo much and the only thing I can attribute my success to is God and my momma for speaking life into me. Just today, as I was on the shuttle to campus there was a bus filled with people talking about MY ARTICLE...I didnt even say anything but I was so proud that the things that I wrote had such an affect on people that they would have a full blown discussion about it. I hope the world is ready for me, because there is soooo much yet to come from Yasmine Harema Parrish. I'm a little girl about to do really BIG things...until then I'm going to stay humble, stay low and blow like Hootie!

Now Playing: Luxurious -Gwen Stefani

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Clearly You've been Reading So Just so you know...

I Still Love You
See everybody needs someone by their side
And I can't go on without you another night
Since companionship's been gone
My life has been so slow without you, you
See it don't take a rocket scientist to know I love you
And it don't take a rocket scientist to know I need you
See if you believe that you and me can change the world someday
Then you'll believe me when I say
I still love you
I still love you
I decided I still love you
I still love you
I decided
So what do you think
Lets get back together (lets get back together)
There's nothin' it could hurt
It could only get better
Think of what it last felt like
For you and I to turn our nights
Into forever
See it don't take a rocket scientist to know I love you
And it don't take a rocket scientist to know I need you
See if you believe that you and me could change the world
Then you'll believe me when I say
I still love you
I still love you
I decided I still love you
I still love you
I decided
Never dreamed I'd be so happy and sure of myself
Baby life without you is so dark (so dark, so dark)
Now I know it'll never be me lovin' someone else
This precious love
You're my shining star
I remember when we first fell in love
I was too young to know what it was
I couldn't address what made me melt
But quick to tell you how it felt
That love was so real
And it still is
I still love you
I still love you
I decided I still love you
I still love you
I decided
(Duet with Pharrell)
Just think of the things we planned to do, me and you
Like changing the face of the moon that we once knew
So long as the sun is yellow, oceans are blue
And then we can laugh and cry the days and nights through

PS: I wont even play you for it...its cool. I may be wounded but it dont take a whole day to recognize sunshine, and if it's love the shit doesnt just go away. Give it time and we'll be back.

Now Playing: Throwback-Usher

Sunday, September 25, 2005

you, I can sit back and assess everything that happened with a clear head. however that doesnt mean I have full recovery...I'm mature enough to decipher the difference between a diagnosis and a cure, or a healing rather. I've diagnosed the situation...and while that it may be too little too late-its important to be able to learn from your mistakes. Now i just wish there were some remedy to be told and that I could just be healed. While I can acknowledge where the problem lied that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt any less. I realize I'm still wounded. And before I can get myself together I can't deal with anything new or else I'd be like the girl Musiq talks about in "Previouscats" or the Bag Lady Erykah speaks about. I just gotta let the anger out...I think I've gone through just about every other emotion but now I think i might be a little bitter. So I'm fighting the feeling...well, not fighting it perse' because I dont apologize for my emotions EVER but I'm dealing with them and letting myself heal naturally. I just know I'm bitter and am trying to distance myself so things dont get out of hand because I believe the wrongs will be corrected and it will be right again. But I am mad...and I dont want to be...I'm not a really angry person...but I've started to notice I'm just not up for the bullshit like i used to be...I'm so much more raw than I've ever been before. I think I've been tainted by the realities of love and the real world. My bullshit tolerance is soooo low and I'm just not the same person. It's a bittersweet thing. Even if I am a bit more stern...I dont want to be bitter and definitely dont want to be that token angry black woman with a chip on her I'm just going to work on me so that I'm better for me and for whom ever is ready to build with me. He's already coming back ...I know he misses me but I'm not ready to receive him. I miss him but I'm mad at him...I know that sounds confusing. I just want to see him sweat and suffer, if he wants to talk - he'll have to wait. If he wants to make conversation I'll keep it short and cold. I speak and may even give a distant smile but he wont get an embrace and definitely no inflection in my voice. I just cant give myself away like that ...if you put your heart in a man's hands- he'll drop it everytime. Right now I'm picking mine off up from the floor.

Now Playing: "Teary Eyed" -Missy Elliot

Friday, September 16, 2005

Sometimes Others Can Say it Better Than you Could Ever Articulate

Mhmn bye bye
How do you love someone
That hurts you oh so bad
With intentions good
Was all he ever had
But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Maybe love is a hopeless crime
Giving up what seems your lifetime
What went wrong with something once so good
How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
When your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye
I know now I was naiveNever knew where this would lead
And I'm not trying to take away
From the good man that he is
But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Was it something wrong that we did
Because others infiltrated
What went wrong with something once so good
How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
When your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye
Is this the end ...are you sure
How should you know when you've never been here beforeIt's so hard to just let go
When this is the one and only love I've ever known
So, how do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
When your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye
"Goodbye" Alicia Keys *thanks yanna'*

You know ...if I knew back then what I know now, I'd still do it all again. However next time, I'd just stick to being friends. I'd keep my girls out of my decision making and I'd keep my guard up for just awhile longer until I was sure my love was requainted. Now maybe it's because of my feminine wyles...but I knew he'd be special from the day I ever spoke his name. But never would I have ever guessed that things would take the turn that they seemingly have...granted, I've been accused of taking things too seriously but its rediculous how we dont talk that much, how when we're in the same proximity those warm feelings that were once so present have vanished and replaced with cold awkwardness. I never imagined a day where an embrace would be out of the question...I miss those hugs. Who knew?
I dont mean to harp on the same subject, but a week without him can seem kinda' of bland. Sure, my times been filled with multiple meetings, model calls, studying, and hilltopics but its something that a quick sweet conversation can add. Its the little things I miss that you take for granted until they're not there. I'm nost saying I dont understand why things went the way they did because I do. He was taking up too much brain space...while that wasnt good, I didnt want him to be totally banished from my life. I mean he's here...technically but it's like that old song, "your body's here but your minds on the other side of town". Its kinda like a's here but the spirits not. He's here but talking to him I get minimun response, no voice inflection, no emotion, nothing...just coldness. Does he hate me? How'd I ever let myself get to this point...never again will I EVER be this concerned.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety!

Created by -ambiguous and taken 76536 times on Bzoink

What is your favorite..
gumOrbit Winter Mint
restaurantGet Back to Me
drinkCheesecake Factory's Strawberry Lemonade
type of weatherWarm
emotionWho doenst like to be happy
thing to do on a half dayA half day? hmm...something creative, like a personal art project
late-night stuff
sportI like tennis
cityAtlanta then London
storeI love Bloomingdale's and small cute boutiques
When was the last time you..
criedIt's been happening alot lately
played a sportwhew...thats' been a minute
hugged someonetoday
kissed someonea week ago
felt depressedlast Friday
felt elatedummm..elated? A few weeks ago
felt overworkedthis week!
faked sickthis morning
liedI haven't had to lie about anything in a minute
What was the last..
word you saidExcuse i guess "ME"
thing you atePandini's Cheese Pizza
song you listened to"Complicated" by Nivea
thing you drankPepsi
place you went toClass in Childers
movie you sawBaby Boy...i love that movie
movie you rentedGuess Who
concert you attendedLyrically Inclined AB
Who was the last person you..
huggedMichael Arceneuax
cried overHIM
danced withdanced with? some random guy in the club
shared a secret withAshley Thomas
had a sleepover withummm....I guess my girls
calledJana Holmes
went to a movie withClaire and Brittany
sawTianna Gordan
were angry withHIM
couldn't take your eyes off ofi dont know..obviously no one....nevermind there is this one attractive Omega
obsessed overHIM, unfortunately
Have you ever..
danced in the rainmaybe when i was a little kid
kissed someoneyes
done drugsno
drank alcoholuhhhh yeaaaaa :0/
slept aroundwho's really going to answer this question?
partied 'til the sun came upyes
had a movie marathonyes, i like those even though i barely make it past the second movie
gone too far on a darenaw
spun until you were immensely dizzywhen i was little i remember doing stupid stuff like that
taken a survey quite like this beforeuhhh, stupid question

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Now Playing: "It's too late" Marvin Gaye

I'm not big into astrology but this is funny....
virgos and romance
Many encounters with Virgo will be a well-choreographed ballet of excellent taste, seeing as how neat surroundings and stylish accoutrements are considered important to these folk. The level-headed Virgo is also a conciliator where romance is concerned, perhaps because being in love for them means falling hard. All that effort cannot be wasted. As a result, this perfectionist aims to please, and Virgo's lover will be one happy camper. Wise partners, though, will know that the Virgin also needs a place to call home.

Virgo and Relationships
Virgo's easygoing nature and Earth sign quality makes for a reliable and steady sort who relishes the opportunity to be helpful to their partner. The Virgin's devotedness also signals that a great deal of energy will go into making the relationship work. Those born under this sign tend to strive for the perfect relationship. The best reward for the oft-repressed Virgo is a lover who is willing to bring them into full flower, releasing a passionate and sensual soul. A relationship with a strong yet sensitive partner is one which is almost guaranteed success.

Virgo in Love
A natural state for Virgo in love is to analyze the situation while exploring it deeply. This will show off the Virgin as steady, solid and far from a flirt. Virgos are much more the true romantic; they love giving as well as receiving, passion and uninhibited joy. Virgos really know how to make their partner feel special, so some heat between the sheets is likely to occur! It's one lover at a time for the loyal Virgo, who reveres a relationship blessed with total honesty lest jealousy and feelings of inadequacy come to the fore. Love comes to Virgo slowly, carefully and sweetly, and the desire to learn all about their lover makes those born under this sign ideal lovers themselves. A Virgo in love is a sight to behold, a relaxed and confident soul.

Unfortunately this is probably true as well
Sagittarius and Romance
The game of love is a straight ahead affair for the Archer, one where the rules are laid down from the start. A good time is important to Sagittarians, so playful dates will be the right appetizer for this zesty lover. Those born under this sign are intuitive, and as a result, have a good sense of what and who they want. The one lucky enough to get in their sights is in for a wild time! Possibly the sexiest part of the game for the Archer is maintaining a sense of independence in the face of a blooming relationship -- there is nothing sexier for these folk. One possible exception might be honesty, which is often why a Sagittarian lover is also a best friend.

Sagittarius and Relationships
Mental fireworks will surely fly in a relationship with the Archer, for nothing seems worthwhile without them. This eagerness to learn can make for one very curious lover. Sagittarians love the idea of a companion, a friend/partner who can share in their quest for truth and knowledge. This relationship will be active and spirited, filled with adventures to faraway lands, as well as exotic fantasies in the bedroom. Traveling has never been more fun than with the Archer! This enthusiasm comes with a keen sense of loyalty for a deserving partner, but the Sagittarian's lover must be careful not to make the mistake of becoming boring or possessive. If so, they'll be vanquished from the lair (minor rifts, though, are gladly patched up in bed). The ideal Sagittarius soul mate is well-read on everything from Philosophy to Sex, and is not afraid to practice what they preach.

Sagittarius and Love
Love is wonderful for many, but it's a bit of an enigma for the Archer. What, after all, is love? To libidinous Sagittarians, love is often sex, plain and simple. These straight-shooters want a partner who is a mental and physical equal, yet one who understands "love" on their terms. This means mutual independence and an ability for each partner to do, and be, exactly what they want. Love can be hard for the Archer, since a fear of intimacy often swirls around them. For this reason, a friendship first is often the best way to encourage a love relationship with these folk. If this can be achieved, it's splendor between the sheets.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

enough of this sad shit...
tonight, all things considered, was a wonderful night. I thank God for my girls and their ability to help me keep everything in perspective. I am a lucky person to have so many great friends. Tonight was all about me and my girls...looking good, smelling good, and feeling good...i cried all the tears I intend to cry. How funny it is that friends can help to turn your tears into smiles and smiles into laughter. I just want to be happy and I WILL be *because as that addyct might say i'm desperate to get what I want* Its time to get up, brush my shoulders off, put my head up and chest out and get back to doing what i do best...ME! I guess I should still be in the ben & jerry's, sappy dvd mode, but I'm not and I sure as hell wasnt tonight. I didnt do anything stupid like drink away my pain but an apple martini never hurt a soul, neither did VIP. I really don't know how I ended up there either...some man just kind of tapped us and escorted us to the top of the club. Only thing that would have made this night better is some pretty ass nupes...I dont know where they were but they weren't in the club I thought they'd be at..but its whatever. Fuck niggas...and not in a Feminist Male Bashing kind of way either...its more so about being happy about me and how great I am. The first step to recovery of any kind of addyction is to admit you have a problem..that being said I'm well on my way to being okay. I'm still kinda' bruised but I expect a full "I dont love deez' HOEZ" recovery in no time. Shoooooot...I need to take my joyful behind to bed...dont let this black Xs on my hand fool ya' - I'm definitely going to church in the morning *i know where my help comes from...and its definitely not these men that surround me!* (though i have AWESOME brothers and male friends that are truly ride or die...thanks!)

Now Playing: "Bad Habit" Destiny's Child

Friday, September 09, 2005

Alright, I was wrong....I didnt hate him, I never did. The truth is I loved him, I loved him too much. But it wont happen again...ever. If I was the kind of girl I think I was, he'll miss me when I'm gone. Vulnerability does have an expiration date, and when that time passes things will go sour whether u see it coming or not. He doesnt want me anymore, and if I'm lucky I wont want him after a while.
1. I'm from Atlanta, GA
2. I write for my school's newspaper
3. I'm a fashion merchandising major
4. I'm not good at making new
5. I'm really friendly but I don't always come off that way
6. I LOVE Howard University
7. My dorm this year is the best ever, where is MTV Cribs when u need em?
8. I've kept a diary since the 4th grade
9. I'm the only girl among 5 brothers, and i'm NOT a tomboy
10. I prefer baseball to football (shhhhh)

1. Make time for me
2. Suprise me
3. Let me know I'm the number one and the only one
4. Be honest
5. Listen to what I say
6. Encourage me in my endeavors
7. Allow me to spoil you
8. Have some goals
9. Be generous (i aint sayin i'm a gold digger, but i'm not messing with no broke ******)

1. Graduate from college in 4 years
2. Write for a high fashion publication

3. Get Married
4. Have kids
5. Live in another country
6. Own a home
7. Give back to the people that gave so much to me
8. Make a difference

1. People that think they're cool, but really arent
2. Negative people (the ones that are always complaining....agghhh)
3. When someone leaves less than one serving in the refrigerator (why put an empty container back in there just for me to be siked out???)
4. Black girls with bad attitudes.....(why foster the stereotype ladies?)
5. Those wack little brats on My Sweet 16
6. Undependable people
7. People that take others for granted

1. God
2. Myself
3. Random acts of kindness
4. Love
5. Divine Intervention
6. Purpose

1. Never finding that one and only
2. Failing
3. Being Barren
4. Being Broke forever
5. Having bad credit

1. Good Conversation
2. Eating with my family
3. Laughing
4. Spooning

1. Bathe
2. Write
3. Do my hair

1. Hit someone!
2. Hug someone!


Now Playing: Raheem Devaughn "Believe"

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

i gotta check myself sometimes...gotta tell myself "ICE COLD" a la Andre 3000, "Be Cool" I say. Be natural. Be my funny, silly self. Its easier said than done...I don't understand why its such a challenge to be myself around someone that I've made myself most vulnerable to. what is it that makes me so insecure? (after all i am the one that makes his toes curl) "where are u?", "when are u coming home?", "who is she?", "where have u been?", "where are u going?'' DAMN! ease up..."ICE COLD: Be Cool" I guess things happen like that sometimes, when u have something good you just want to hold on so tight so that it doesnt go any where... not realizing that you're really killing it by holding on so tight. It's like that of catching a butterfly...sure u can bottle it up...but soon after it will die...its' the same with a relationship *of any kind*...if youre constantly questioning, checking, letting your insecurities get the best of you, the thing you care for most will be gone...because u suffocated it...didnt let that shit breathe

Now Playing: "cold, cold world" Carl Thomas

Saturday, September 03, 2005

DAMON DASH: Dame is in the house, so letÂ’s get that cake. You are a businessperson who knows what y">
DAMON DASH: Dame is in the house, so let's get that
cake. You are a businessperson who knows what
you're doing. Ain't no slackin' when it comes
to your career. You KNOW how to make that
money. You are focused, intelligent, and have
dreams of the future which you are trying to
make come true. know you gotta
have it. You got your people's backs and they
got yours. Besides the business side, you can
get down at a party or club any day and have
some fun. You are confident and know how to
treat people. Keep on keepin' on.

Which member of the Roc-A-Fella family are you?
brought to you by

Friday, September 02, 2005


Anyone remember that Ralph Tresvant song, "sensitivity"? you know the one..."you need a man with sen-sit-tivity...a man like me"? Dont act like you dont know who Ralph Tresvant is...the lead guy from New Edition, u know...Raaalllphh, the cute one! I'm not quite sure why that song came to mind though, maybe because that's what I need these days. Not a winey guy, just someone that will protect my vulnerabilities. I feel so open and vulnerable, and I'm in no mood to get hurt, I'm too busy to be on the injured list for a broken heart. I feel like I'm on one of those cold Discovery Health operating room tables with all of myself out there and exposed praying someone will patch me up quick and cover me. It's not necessarily that I feel a heartbreak coming on but I just feel so out there on a limb like I'm about to fall. It's sorta of like the sensation of hanging out of a window on a rope with your fate dependent on another individual. When it comes to dependency, I'm a stranger to the word. What I want to do, I do, whether another joins me or not...I've always been like that. But these days this one addyct has got me so open...i hate it! How can one person have such an affect on my day and not even realize he does. I'm not saying I sit and do nothing, I'm an independent woman on the outside but I feel like a child clinging on to the monkey bars for dear life with the fear of falling inside. Women need security...I need security, I want something /someone that I know I can trust to handle my heart with care. Someone that understands how fragile a person can be. I'm not crying that I'm a wounded soul or anything of the sorts...but my heart hearts sometimes and it's not the kind of feeling that I need or want in my life right now. Luckily, it seems as if school and the daily rigors of life in the Howard fastlane has begun and I havent been able to think about things too much. But when I have quiet moments like this one I'm living in right now...I slip, and I actually care and think about that addyctive one and wonder if he's doing the same when I'm away...

Now Playing: "Sensitivity" by Ralph Tresvant