Friday, September 02, 2005

Vulnerability

Anyone remember that Ralph Tresvant song, "sensitivity"? you know the one..."you need a man with sen-sit-tivity...a man like me"? Dont act like you dont know who Ralph Tresvant is...the lead guy from New Edition, u know...Raaalllphh, the cute one! I'm not quite sure why that song came to mind though, maybe because that's what I need these days. Not a winey guy, just someone that will protect my vulnerabilities. I feel so open and vulnerable, and I'm in no mood to get hurt, I'm too busy to be on the injured list for a broken heart. I feel like I'm on one of those cold Discovery Health operating room tables with all of myself out there and exposed praying someone will patch me up quick and cover me. It's not necessarily that I feel a heartbreak coming on but I just feel so out there on a limb like I'm about to fall. It's sorta of like the sensation of hanging out of a window on a rope with your fate dependent on another individual. When it comes to dependency, I'm a stranger to the word. What I want to do, I do, whether another joins me or not...I've always been like that. But these days this one addyct has got me so open...i hate it! How can one person have such an affect on my day and not even realize he does. I'm not saying I sit and do nothing, I'm an independent woman on the outside but I feel like a child clinging on to the monkey bars for dear life with the fear of falling inside. Women need security...I need security, I want something /someone that I know I can trust to handle my heart with care. Someone that understands how fragile a person can be. I'm not crying that I'm a wounded soul or anything of the sorts...but my heart hearts sometimes and it's not the kind of feeling that I need or want in my life right now. Luckily, it seems as if school and the daily rigors of life in the Howard fastlane has begun and I havent been able to think about things too much. But when I have quiet moments like this one I'm living in right now...I slip, and I actually care and think about that addyctive one and wonder if he's doing the same when I'm away...

Now Playing: "Sensitivity" by Ralph Tresvant

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

They way you feel is completely normal.Many woman feel the same way however we all learn to be their for ourselves before we let others be an emotional cruch for us, becasue if we dont we would never learn how to stand on our own emotionally, and that my dear is when start looking a hot mess!

Diana Rising said...

Wow....if this isn't the same thing i'm going through...i keep telling my self i'm over him but there's not way i'm over him so quickly and i just hate the fact that i'm in love with him....oh well only time will tell

Anonymous said...

ay thanks for the insider as far as what women generally want from a man..its good to know..even though i cant say i experienced it YET..im getting a clue to what the do's and don'ts are to falling hard in a relationship.