So one my coolest guy friends came out to me yesterday.

I've got to admit I never saw it coming in a million gazillion years. It happened all so casually that I didn't even catch it. This is how it happened..
We had been having a usual comedic conversation when I asked him about his love life [which any one of my friends can tell you is so classic of me] and I said, "how are the girls in your life?" He replied "there are no girls, nor do I think there will be in the future." Now I almost didn't catch that last part as I only half way listen to him when he speaks...you have to understand our relationship to get that one...
So of course being the journalist that I am, I inquired further about what the hell that meant. And he just came out and said it ..."Yasmine, I'm gay."

WOAH! It hit me like a load of bricks...completely side swiped me...caught me completely off guard. What was I to say or do?

This all had to be a joke. So for the first hour I insisted that he's playing a really big prank [which would not be unlike him] and that I'm going to kill him for making me believe that this was his big, well not so big...pretty random and matter of factly, "coming out" conversation. When he first began giving me the discretion speech I really was still trying wrap my mind about what he was saying and what this meant for him, for me, for us. I never imagined him to ever be interested in something like Interactive Male.
As selfish as this sounds, part of me was really upset and hurt. Why? I'm still trying to figure it out ...ever since our conversation yesterday his sexual preference has been heavy on my heart. I have a good number of other gay friends. It's never been a big deal but mostly because I knew they were gay from the start. This friend...we've had sooo many long talks, intimate, soul searching...and over a year later I'm just finding out. A part of me is a bit upset because he's yet another super eligible black man that bit the dust. No woman will ever have the fortune of having a great guy like him as a husband or using his impeccable genes (unless they reproduce in some type of weird scientific way) I think I'm upset also because he just couldn't fight the stereotype...a good looking, style savvy, black man can't not be gay! Sometimes I feel like its an epidemic! In a way I'm super let down and that's why I believe I've been feeling a bit heartbroken.
When I think about it, I'm so shocked only because we were so close and it's kind of like an impressionistic painting. Just dots up close but when you step away from the situation you can see the whole picture.
We were always flirting friends and while I never wanted to see him naked, I did sometimes wonder how the act sex would affect the relationship [does that make sense? that I didnt want to have sex but wondered what it would bring?]. In some ways I thought of him as asexual but I guess I never believed him to be homosexual.
Now, while I do have hidden selfish feelings about my friends sexuality, I also am happy and honored that he shared himself with me in this manner. I feel great that he trusted me enough to tell me his feelings and somethings that he's never told a soul. I couldn't imagine going through life living a lie and I'm happy he's finally beginning to loosen his belt. I know that if he had a choice he wouldn't be gay and that's why I couldn't bring myself to let him know how I was truly feeling. I didn't want to turn his self-accepting victory and triumph into all about me and my fear of being a single woman forever plight.
Toward the end of our conversation I asked him, "so what, are you going to be my new gay best friend?" and he replied "I've always been your gay best friend."
I don't think I could have said it better, he's always been my gay best friend. I just never knew he was gay!



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