Damn that T.O.N.Y.

I was wondering what she was doing on that toilet!!! Her hair looks bomb though! Makes me want some weaves lol

The first step to recovery

I was saw that a step to getting over heartache is to write a letter to the person and then keep it to yourself.  While I express myself best in written form I don't see the point in writing to a person that will never see how you feel. 

About two weeks ago one of my favorite linesisters called me to catch up. When we got to the topic of men I told her how there was no one that I was really into to and that I was casually entertaining a few people but nothing serious.  Then she brought up that one... the one who I would drop all others for, the one who still had a piece of me for better or worse. The one that I can't seem to harden my heart for.  I couldn't even fake it and act like he never crossed my mind then she asked "Are you like in love with him or something?" Now, an easy and obvious answer would be "yes" but with further consideration I believe that I'm more heartbroken over what didn't happen. While we did/do have amazing chemistry - that kind of love at first conversation but there was no grand love affair to miss. It's more like an itch that was never fully scratched. An unfinished entry is what makes me still intrigued. I believe that love, or the idea of it, unfulfilled is worse than a break-up. At least when you break up with someone there's a reason and an end point. When things just end with no fizzle or fire it leaves you an addict, wondering when and if things are going to pick up. I feel like I'm rambling but maybe someone feels me.

now playing: wish you loved me- tynisha keli

Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat...

...right? I for one believe so but hope not. If so, we're all doomed!!! In the span of 3 days I've heard numerous horror stories how of men have betrayed the trust [and satisfied the suspicsion for some] of their significant others with infidelity. One has had two year bicoastal affair for , one cheated with his so called "best friend", and another simply cheated habitually without regard. When I asked one of my friends why he cheated on his girlfriend he replied, "I was just going through things" - what kind of things would make you cheat? One guy I dated admitted to me after 5 months of casually dating that he had a girlfriend...in the middle of trying to get with me. How could you go that long without saying something? Without her saying something? He and I were not serious but we were involved and it made me furious because I pride myself on not coming in between anyone's relationship. When I reacted to his confession he replied, "you act like I'm married." That's a statement I feel a lot of men agree with. That if you're not married then cheating is non existant or it's not a big deal. My definition of cheating is defying anything that goes outside of the parameters of the your established relationship rules. When I sit and think about all the men that have ever cheated - I feel an amazing gape in my cardiovascular cavity. Almost every man has done it- known and unknown. From Presidents like John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton to civil saints like Martin Luther King Jr and modern day dieties like the Honorable Elijah Muhammad. It's truly sickening and disheartening to believe that fidelty cannot be achieved.
I'm at a point in my life where I allow people to be who they are, stay in their lane, and to place themselves where they should be in my life. If you're friend is selfish and never likes to go out but loves to have potlucks and sleepovers- stop inviting that friend to go to the club with you all the time, don't call her unless you feel like picking her up and not getting any gas money for going 30 minutes out of your way. Sure, that's extreme but know who you're dealing with and don't expect people to change just because you find faults with them. Let people be who they are and there will be a lot less stress in your life- I promise. Not to say you have to deal with their character flaws but just accept the fact that they have them. That new found revelation has led me to believe that 98% of the time if a man cheats once he'll cheat again not necessarily because he doesn't love you but because he is simply a cheater.
PS: not to make light of my sentiments but I included a snippet of the ever humorous t.v. show Cheaters

Now Playing: Something You Forgot - Lil Wayne

Taking the Sugar and THE LEMON

Today was my first day on the beginning of a big internship with the EVP of a major television network and while it's not directly fashion related it will help me get to where I want to go if I grind hard enough. It's 12:38 AM and it feels more like 4am- I've been up since 7 something this morning. In just 8 hours I've learned so much and met so many people. It makes me happy to have put myself out there and up for scrutiny for the sake of tapping into a connection.  

As great and challenging as my internship has been I'm (once again) dissapointed with how people [ergo men, or a particular man] decided to act. He saw me in our school's Punchout (the cool fast food cafeteria geared to upperclassmen) and did not say one single word. Then for whatever reason I saw him at happy hour. He generally isn't one to be on the happy hour/ bar/lounge scene - he's more of a house party guy so I never thought he would be there even though all his friends were but of all nights this was the night he was dragged out of the house. He basically said he had been distant because he felt bombarded with questions regarding us and how he basically didn't want to constantly be associated with me or be known because me or whatever..."It's all just too high profile for me, honestly." There goes that damn word again, "honestly". Whatever.  I'm done. 

It's so crazy how on a day where I learn the most and am faced with my future, I have some of the hardest personal  realities. I'm out of it. Tired. I have a headache...

Now Playing: Whole Town Laughing At Me - Jagged Edge

I AM BEGINNING TO SEE THE LIGHT...

My friend always used to call me naive and gullible. The truth is I really am. People [guys] are always innocent until proven guilty with me but I'm truly beginning to think that it should be the other way around.
Here's the breakdown:
I've heard of Summer Love and Spring Flings - but I've never in my life heard of a Winter Break Romance. I feel so bamboozled and it didn't even happen to me. Basically my friends and I are at the party and this guy starts coming on to my friend. He's being uber aggressive and she is attracted too so they exchange digits and he takes it from there. Everyday he's calling her, trying to see her, they go out on numerous dates, hugged up in the club...it was a whirlwind romance. He met her momma, her dog, and she was beginning to get used to all of this attention. Initially she had her suspicions and even asked him about his current relationships, he admitted to "talking" to some girl from another state who was away for the break but he reassured her that it wasn't anything deep enough to stop him from exploring things with her.
So they continued...
This particular friend is extremely jaded and lets almost nothing really get to her but in the span of two weeks [before Christmas and after New Year's] he had begun to break down her barriers. She was almost open - when things fell apart.
Right when she started to care he pulled the rug right from under her, saying how he "didn't mean for things to escalate" and how his "heart" is really with the chick from out of state and how they've been through so much over the past "two years" and asked if they could still "be cool". WTF?! How convienient for it to be the day before her return. I was hurt.
I know it didn't happen to me, but it's happened before and happens all too often. Sure, "at least he was honest" but let me be frank...Honesty is a b-i-t-c-h! It's like he went out of his way to play her? What's the purpose of pursuing someone so adamatly just to renig a few weeks later? I feel horrible because I was really encouraging of him. I thought he was a sincere dude [yea, he's honest but I'm not so sure about how good his intentions were] and I wanted her to let him in and let her guard down a bit. Bad advice on my part, huh? I'm so freakin' gullible. You'd think that out of all of the misadventures I've had in love that I would be at least a bit jaded. Nope, not at all...to my demise. I'm like the bird that keeps running into the glass just because it seems see through. Hitting my head and falling back everytime. I trust too easily and don't make people earn it.
I never wanted to be one of those angry [black] women who always proclaimed, "_iggas ain't s-h-i-t!" but I'm honestly beginning to feel that way. There always seems some trick around the corner of bliss.

Now Playing: He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Whinehouse

A Sentimental Mood

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with my new found appreciation for Smooth Jazz and listening to the rain but I have been in a very sentimental mood. So, to tie it in with the blog I decided to go back a little and revisit my top 8 favorite posts (in no particular order- get your clickers ready!). 

8. "Coming Out"  I love this post so much because it really was a postmark in my life and showed me so much about myself, being honest with myself and my feelings yet having to put 'me' aside and accept a friend. Now while this guy actually "defriended" me about 2 months ago over some nonsense, (i just chuck up to him going through alot and not knowing how and where to channel his emotions) he still taught me so much and I love him dearly.

7. "Motherhood, Marriage, and The Racial Divide"  This takes me back to my more journalistic approach. I felt this post had some hardcore principles of journalism action going on plus some very bold statements made that I still feel like have some credence. 

6. "Ujima" I love telling stories (true ones) and this one tops mosts. It was a crazy night where I bonded with some ladies who I still know and always share this night with. Just read ...

5. "The Reason Why I Hustle" This posts marks a landmark in my rise. Interviewing Chris Robinson was still one of my favorite moments to date. I was so happy to share it with my favorite magazine diva, Charreah too! Thanks for the invite :)

4. "The Industry"  I love the industry, it brings the most colorful characters out and gives fuel to some of my funniest moments. This post was a mix of storytelling and introspective spoken thoughts. 

3."Over It" I know I'm always talking about relationships and how people can't ever seem to get it together, well get together for that matter but I feel as though this posts goes into more of the real reason why as opposed to just venting. 

2. "It Can't Always be R-A-I-N-B-O-W-S" You can't win them all...you just can't and I'm living proof. Ce la vie. 

1. "Vulnerability" As much as I hate to revisit my bloody posts of the far past, there's something about the first time your fingertip hits the keypad to expose your thoughts, feelings, and ideas to the public. I used to be an emotional writer and while I feel as though my posts still carry a sense of passion I used to let my feelings bleed on the page. Not always a good look but I'm growing..

Hope you read, enjoy, comment and maybe learn something new about me or even you. 

Here's one more just for comedy's sake "My Theories of Late on Why Fighting In The Club Increases Your Star Power"

Now Playing: In a Sentimenal Mood - John Coltrane (of couse...)

Crash & Burn

...that's what I think of the welfare of all relationships formulated on Howard's campus have amounted to. Sure, there's the occasional one or two steady relationships that were born in Locke and bread with lunchdates in Blackburn but really people aren't trying to settle down. I remember coming up through the years and noticing as upperclassmen became seniors, they began to couple up- that is certainly not the case with the class 2008/2008.5. Last night my friends and I could barely come up with 1 couple in a serious relationship in our class. We managed to list about 3 pairs but they were all people who were relatively low key. There is no one on the Howard "scene" who's commited to just one person. There are a few that juggle a few different relationships and then some who will deny till' they die that they even are involved with anyone. I really don't understand this mentality, maybe I'm strange fruit or cut from different cloth but I just don't get how people go on with all of these fruitless relationships. I wonder which ones of us will be the one to say, "oh yes, me and ________ met at Howard and ended up getting married." I'm not salty, I promise, I just am curious to know where has the sincerity gone?

In other news, since I have no love life of which to speak - I have thrown myself into my career (or building one for myself anyway). Please check out my new Myspace page... http://www.myspace.com/yasmineharema

Now Playing: anything J*Davey

So one my coolest guy friends came out to me yesterday.

I've got to admit I never saw it coming in a million gazillion years. It happened all so casually that I didn't even catch it. This is how it happened..
We had been having a usual comedic conversation when I asked him about his love life [which any one of my friends can tell you is so classic of me] and I said, "how are the girls in your life?" He replied "there are no girls, nor do I think there will be in the future." Now I almost didn't catch that last part as I only half way listen to him when he speaks...you have to understand our relationship to get that one...
So of course being the journalist that I am, I inquired further about what the hell that meant. And he just came out and said it ..."Yasmine, I'm gay."

WOAH! It hit me like a load of bricks...completely side swiped me...caught me completely off guard. What was I to say or do?

This all had to be a joke. So for the first hour I insisted that he's playing a really big prank [which would not be unlike him] and that I'm going to kill him for making me believe that this was his big, well not so big...pretty random and matter of factly, "coming out" conversation. When he first began giving me the discretion speech I really was still trying wrap my mind about what he was saying and what this meant for him, for me, for us. I never imagined him to ever be interested in something like Interactive Male.
As selfish as this sounds, part of me was really upset and hurt. Why? I'm still trying to figure it out ...ever since our conversation yesterday his sexual preference has been heavy on my heart. I have a good number of other gay friends. It's never been a big deal but mostly because I knew they were gay from the start. This friend...we've had sooo many long talks, intimate, soul searching...and over a year later I'm just finding out. A part of me is a bit upset because he's yet another super eligible black man that bit the dust. No woman will ever have the fortune of having a great guy like him as a husband or using his impeccable genes (unless they reproduce in some type of weird scientific way) I think I'm upset also because he just couldn't fight the stereotype...a good looking, style savvy, black man can't not be gay! Sometimes I feel like its an epidemic! In a way I'm super let down and that's why I believe I've been feeling a bit heartbroken.
When I think about it, I'm so shocked only because we were so close and it's kind of like an impressionistic painting. Just dots up close but when you step away from the situation you can see the whole picture.
We were always flirting friends and while I never wanted to see him naked, I did sometimes wonder how the act sex would affect the relationship [does that make sense? that I didnt want to have sex but wondered what it would bring?]. In some ways I thought of him as asexual but I guess I never believed him to be homosexual.
Now, while I do have hidden selfish feelings about my friends sexuality, I also am happy and honored that he shared himself with me in this manner. I feel great that he trusted me enough to tell me his feelings and somethings that he's never told a soul. I couldn't imagine going through life living a lie and I'm happy he's finally beginning to loosen his belt. I know that if he had a choice he wouldn't be gay and that's why I couldn't bring myself to let him know how I was truly feeling. I didn't want to turn his self-accepting victory and triumph into all about me and my fear of being a single woman forever plight.
Toward the end of our conversation I asked him, "so what, are you going to be my new gay best friend?" and he replied "I've always been your gay best friend."
I don't think I could have said it better, he's always been my gay best friend. I just never knew he was gay!



Now Playing: My Funny Valentine - Chaka Khan

The Trouble with Being Crazy In Love

When we love do we ever evaluate whether we're loving just a little too hard? The massacre at Virginia Tech all stemed from love gone awry. We all need to be much more careful when evaluating those we engage in relationships with, how we treat people, and how we prevent tragedies like this from occuring. While no one is to blame except for Cho Seung-Hui, the killer and ex-boyfriend. "[]Seung-Hui said Monday's massacre on the Virginia Tech campus could have been avoided and said 'you forced me into a corner...You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today,' Cho said in one of the videos that aired Wednesday night on NBC. 'But you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off.'"
At what point do we check our own sanity or the sanity of others? When love is strong enough to kill then it's no longer love.
After watching the video of Seung-Hui I really believe his soul was tormented by shame and embarassment and he felt like he had to do what he did. While I'm not making excuses for him - I always did feel sympathy for those constantly picked on and never accepted.We really have to be careful on how we treat people. You never know what might be going on inside. That person you toss off to the side just may be waiting on your careless action to go and kill themselves or better yet 33 other people and then themselves. What happened at Virginia Tech was tragic but how can we each do our part in helping to prevent people from feeling so low that they go and kill innocent people?

Guess it Can't All Be R a i n b o w s and Heartbeats

So...I didn't get the internship with Teen Vogue. I suppose that would have been one too many perfect things going on in my life. I won't even lie..I was super hurt (or as hurt as a up and coming fashion journalist could be) ...I mean anyone who knows me knows that NO ONE...and I do mean ...NO ONE loves Teen Vogue as much as I do.
You know what I blame this on? The Hills! If people weren't glued to their television set every week feeding into the facade that MTV is selling then there wouldn't have been as many applicants and I would have gotten the position. Damn you LC! You didn't even go to France ...(yes, I'm still mad about that one!) There just aren't enough jobs to go around - well, jobs in Teen Vogue's fashion department anyway :( I think the fact that I actually got so close to getting it makes it even worse. Going to the closet, sitting in the office, seeing the other iterns do what I so longed to do (you know...fold, wrap, hang, steam etc). Oh God...the heartache. I'm seriously sad ya'll. I know it sounds petty but it just seemed like destiny since I had sent resumes and cover letters to soooo many other places and only the one place I truly wanted to work called me back - TEEN muthafukin' VOGUE! Yes, life does go on and I will continue to be a "Beast" (as Z. Morrow would call me) but for tonight I let a tear roll down my cheek for what could have been with my beloved Teen Vogue. People say that is it speaks volumes that I even got an interview but honestly that still hasn't landed me anywhere...I just pray they make room for me in 1.5 years!

In going out I'll leave with the wretched rejection email...

Hi Yasmine-Thanks for taking the initiative to apply to be an intern. It was great to meet you and your resume looked great as well but we had so many candidates apply and very few spots to fill. Unfortunately I can't offer you an internship at this time.
Good luck with your future endeavors,
JWD
TeenVOGUE

PS: anyone have any ideas on where I can get a bangin dress for Bison Ball- preferably in RED?


Now Playing: Peachtree Blues - Janelle Monae