You know what's soooo weird? I don't want to be in a relationship. Like honestly, I don't for the first time in a minute. I'm comfortable with the life and dating style I currently have [oh yea, that striking barely lasted 24 hours]. At first I just didn't get why I had been giving the best that I got and no one seemed ready. Then I did some self reflection and after deciding that they might not all be fullofshitnogoodniggasthataintnevergonnadorightbyme, I could see that it's simply a bad time in life to be bunned up. The futures so foggy I can barely see where my next footstep will land. I'm not sure what the next 2 or 3 months hold for me, I'm not sure about where I'll be living, where I'll be working, what mood I'll be in, or what haircut I'll have..I don't know anything! It would just be the worst thing for me to bring someone into that blurry equation. i feel like a frog making a big leap off of a lily pad and afraid that i wont land flat on the next. I'm making a big jump in life but I'm not quite sure what I'm jumping into and though a boyfriend might be a source of security it could also sway decisions that don't need to have anyone else's influence but my own. I was so into having a boo, I couldn't even see that this was a bad time for me just as much as it is for them. The dating life is fun, it's nice to have things easy and breezy and can often me a glimpse of sunshine in a cloudy and uncertain reality. I dont know if you can tell but I'm really having post grad anxiety! It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.
On a less sickly note, I am looking forward to when I am ready to take the plunge. Being intimate, not physically but emotionally and spiritually, with someone is an experience like no other. Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to melt into them? It sounds so pyscho...but my friend and I were talking about this yesterday while riding around Baltimore. When you're in love the butterflies are just so sick and never ending- that place where the only thing you're scared of is losing them and that feeling that you all share. When that day and time comes, it will be a beautiful thing. I look forward that experience but until then I'm working on doing me to the fullest and cherishing each and every millisecond of it.
Now Playing: Its Whatever- Aaliyah