On The Chat Line

Merry Christmas party people! I can't say that I'm truly in the "Christmas" spirit - we could actually skip all the shenanigans if it were up to me. I'm just not feeling it this year.  Everything just feels depres...ahem, recessed. LOL.  Anyway, that's not really want I wanted to write about.

Is meeting people on the internet still taboo? After much complaining about the male selection I've been coming across in the Atlanta nightlife scene (Luckie, Ten Pin, Pure, Body Tap lol, etc) my friend told me how she randomly finds dates on the internet. From Blackplanet, Black Singles.net, MySpace, and even Craigslist she's gone off descriptions and photos to determine whether she wanted to talk on the phone then eventually meet in a mall foodcourt. 

Is it me or does that seem so retro? Blackplanet was/is definitely one of the forefathers of  the socially addictive phenom, Facebook.  Either way she convinced me that I should start up a page and just "get out there" and explore. Wouldn't exploring entail being home more so I can check my Notes and Page Log?  Moving on, I decided "why not?" I signed up, created a cute and sophisticated screen name "BeholdaLady8" (of course..), added a picture, and then immediately felt the urge to erase  the page and felt a bit of embarassment. "What am I doing on this site anyway?" is what I asked myself.  "I have guys I could talk to. Even if they annoy me to pieces- at least I met them at school or at the mall or something respectable." As of yet, I have still not erased the page so if you are on there too please friend me I only have four! I have gotten other friend requests but a lot of the people on there seem crazier than the guys I'm meeting at Luckie Lounge on Wednesday nights! From crazy screen names like "KngDckSlanga" and "ThugLuv69" to the men over 30 trying to holler. It's a mess! I don't do older older guys- I'm only 22 what do we could we have in common??? I'm not interested! 

I have another friend who received a random friend request on Facebook from an attractive stranger and decided to accept since they knew a few of the same people. To make a long story short Facebook messages turned to Facebook chat and then to telephone conversations, him breaking up with his girlfriend and them establishing rules for their engagement. Now he's her phone's screensaver and she's "got a man".  As happy as she seems to be with her new beau when you ask how they met she just says "it's a long story" and doesn't want to say "on Facebook". Why is that? 

With the uprising of  sites like Match.com and E-Harmony why are people still ashamed of meeting new potential dates online? While almost everyone does it in some way (friending cute strangers on Facebook) or setting up accounts on social networks - no one really seems to be okay with talking about it. I believe that there seems to be a sense of desperation attached to this form of dating which is not necessarily true. The fact is that we can't all be desperate... or are we? If we are, at least we're all in it together! 

While I did bring Blackplanet up from the grave I've been on a campaign to being open to meeting people anywhere. My hotspots are ALWAYS the hoods though! Old National Hwy, the ashy part before you get to my classy hood, is always filled with suped up old school cars and tons of Dodge Chargers (the hoodest car out right now!) and also tons of men that are trying to holler at the CaramelCutie in the silver coupe with the DST tag. I get honks, request to pull over, guys rolling down their windows at stop lights anything! I also do well in the SWATS (Southwest Atlanta for those who don't know) - I don't know what it is. So far my campaign has been going well I've met someone at a holiday party, a night out with friends, a gas station, Old National, and at a store. It's funny I've given my number to a few but I have absolutely NO interest in really talking to anyone. Even though they all have been generally attractive there's nothing in me that really wants to spend time getting to know people. LOL. Funny right?  I guess that's why I haven't found anyone!!!

Let's Chill

...actually, LET'S NOT! Not in your house anyway. What is up with this guys? When did dating consist of constantly coming to your house and watching random dvds as you consistently get denied physical advancement? GET THE HINT STUPID! Forgive me readers, I'm really annoyed right now (as if you couldn't tell) but some men really don't get it. I have always been in the school of thought that if a man can only hang out with you in his house then he's just not that into you or he's just trying to get into you. Now, I'm hanging out with a certain guy who I've known for sometime but have never been available to until now. However, he has it all confused. If you like me, like you say you do then take my word for when I say- you're apartment won't do! (No matter how stunning the view is!) What happened to the simple things- dinner...movies...hookah? Is it really that difficult? I've already been up front- we're not going there. I'm celibate and I have no intentions of discontinuing that until I am with someone who is worth my energy. I can't say all guys have this issue, recently I went on a cool date to Apache Cafe here in Atlanta and listened to live music and enjoyed the open mic. I'm not saying you need to treat me to Ruth Chris and the Atlanta Ballet every evening but show a little initiative (though I do love the finer things). Have some pride- your apartment barely has furniture! I know it's cuddling weather but really you don't even know me like that partner!

Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat...

...right? I for one believe so but hope not. If so, we're all doomed!!! In the span of 3 days I've heard numerous horror stories how of men have betrayed the trust [and satisfied the suspicsion for some] of their significant others with infidelity. One has had two year bicoastal affair for , one cheated with his so called "best friend", and another simply cheated habitually without regard. When I asked one of my friends why he cheated on his girlfriend he replied, "I was just going through things" - what kind of things would make you cheat? One guy I dated admitted to me after 5 months of casually dating that he had a girlfriend...in the middle of trying to get with me. How could you go that long without saying something? Without her saying something? He and I were not serious but we were involved and it made me furious because I pride myself on not coming in between anyone's relationship. When I reacted to his confession he replied, "you act like I'm married." That's a statement I feel a lot of men agree with. That if you're not married then cheating is non existant or it's not a big deal. My definition of cheating is defying anything that goes outside of the parameters of the your established relationship rules. When I sit and think about all the men that have ever cheated - I feel an amazing gape in my cardiovascular cavity. Almost every man has done it- known and unknown. From Presidents like John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton to civil saints like Martin Luther King Jr and modern day dieties like the Honorable Elijah Muhammad. It's truly sickening and disheartening to believe that fidelty cannot be achieved.
I'm at a point in my life where I allow people to be who they are, stay in their lane, and to place themselves where they should be in my life. If you're friend is selfish and never likes to go out but loves to have potlucks and sleepovers- stop inviting that friend to go to the club with you all the time, don't call her unless you feel like picking her up and not getting any gas money for going 30 minutes out of your way. Sure, that's extreme but know who you're dealing with and don't expect people to change just because you find faults with them. Let people be who they are and there will be a lot less stress in your life- I promise. Not to say you have to deal with their character flaws but just accept the fact that they have them. That new found revelation has led me to believe that 98% of the time if a man cheats once he'll cheat again not necessarily because he doesn't love you but because he is simply a cheater.
PS: not to make light of my sentiments but I included a snippet of the ever humorous t.v. show Cheaters

Now Playing: Something You Forgot - Lil Wayne

Some Like it HOT

...I would be one of them. However, my life these days just seem to be just lukewarm. Why is it that the things [and people for that matter] that we are most passionate about seem to be the hardest to attain? It seems like everything happening in my life is just simply....luke. I'm not going to lie and say that there's no love life- there is one but I wouldn't so much call it a 'love' life it's more like a 'ithinkilike' life. I've never been so nonchalant in my life. I mean I guess it's cool to have some mellowness in my often times overly dramatic life but oh my goodness, it's such a bore! I always used to ask myself if I adventure followed me or if I followed adventure and now I see that we're one in the same and one without the other makes for a very bored and unstimulated Yazzi.


now playing: 'valentine'- ryan leslie

And Now Our Work Truly Begins

We did it, America! We finally let go of our apathy, wining, and complaining and stood in the lines that forced change to occur! While I am happy to see something that I never thought I'd witness in my lifetime, a BLACK President, I'm even happier to see democracy truly at work. Now we must live up to all that we stood in those lines for and not let apathy set back in.
I am in awe of what I witnessed tonight. To see people in long lines at the polls, radio stations being taken over by political conversations, facebook statuses with more than just snide comments about their ex's. From enslavement to presidency!!!!!! That's one hell of a trail; a trail that so many people fought, bled, and died to set. I know this is just the FIRST of many changes to come and boy am I ready!
I finally feel a bit of vindication from all those days in 9th grade government class at Landmark Christian School when I was the only moderately liberal voice to be heard. When classmates tried to mute me with their typical southern white conservative views. This is a revenge well worth waiting for.
The sad part is that they're so busy putting up ignorant facebook statuses complaining how they're going to have to work "harder" while the "lazier get even more lazy" - how predictable can you be? When do these people look past themselves to see the biggest picture? Can't they see that today is truly the day that America finally belongs to ALL OF US???? That finally we all can get a bit out of that "white only American pie"? The the white ceiling is finally broken but I guess it wouldn't be natural for every American to feel happy about that, especially when we can sense the end of white dominance in this country.
I can honestly say that growing up, especially in my teen years I had a serious issue with white people mostly because the majority of the ones around me were racist, narrow minded, one step away from the KKK .....people that I was always in defense from in one way or another- being passed up for class secretary, prefect (whatever the heck that is anyway), being slighted in cheerleading, always having to prove myself and most times still feeling like I had failed - not because of my ability but because of theirs- their ability to allow me to flourish and be the leader I was simply because of my skin. I'm sure many would dispute that as the reason but who would expect them not to anyway.
Then I grew up, looked around and saw not everyone was like the people I went to school with and that not even all of them were was terrible as I thought they once were. I realized that it's not always about race and I also realized that as a black woman, I would always have a double consciousness- and that's okay too. It's a tough situation growing up with a father who's a black nationalist, Hebrew Israelite, in the heart of Black America and then being sent to an all white school filled with christian republicans who only saw their version of right and being forced to sit in theology classes where the only thing I could agree upon was the sanctity of Jesus the Christ....
I guess my ending words to this post would be...A CHANGE IS HERE WHETHER YOU'RE READY FOR IT OR NOT.

Revisitation

Well, I've been in Atlanta a little over a week now and so far...so good. I took a little time to myself while transitioning from NYC to ATL by going to Howard's Homecoming and spending quality time with family, friends, and linesisters. Homecoming honestly wasn't all I thought it would be though- I guess I really didn't miss anyone or see anyone that I did miss. I guess since I just graduated the feeling of "coming home" was kind of lackluster. However, it did feel good to be in the warm nurturing nest of HU.
So the unthinkable has occured...I'm going back to school. (Or at least that what I keep convincing myself of) The job market SUCKS and unless I want to be folding t-shirts for the rest of my career or doing something completely outside of my interest (my mom suggested becoming a nurse anesthics) - I'm going to have to if I want to 1. get to LA 2. get the kinda of jobs I want. So I decided to do a post bach program at Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising starting next fall to get me where I want to be and with the connections I need to really flourish. I never thought I would be considering school again but I believe that this career focused program will be the "how to get hired" bootcamp that I so desperately need.
I just started working with an entertaintment and fashion company here doing celebrity bookings- so if you need one for your next party, concert, college homecoming, sorority/fraternity gathering- HOLLA AT ME!!!!!
So, since I'm such a computer nerd and can sometimes spend embarassing amounts of time on the internet- I've seen this atroscity called "juicy campus" - that's is the worst website I've seen in ages. All it is is one big honesty box for different campuses to say whatever and talk about whomever they feel like- all anonymously. It's a breeding ground for haters- and people with nothing better to do with their time then to about greek life, hoes, DL men, and who has STDs. I'm so ashamed that Howard students are really giving this thing life. It's truly an embarassment for all who bear the Howard name. Brothers and sisters, we have GOT to do better. Don't we have more pertinent things to do and focus on?
On to more positive things....1 more day before Barack Obama wins the election! (fingers crossed, hopefully prayers and ballots will be answered!)

An Update for The Stalkers

So, a lot of changes have been going on in my little life. I recently have been on the treck to going back to Atlanta inorder to save up for my voyage to the West Coast.
Here are the updates:
I got a brand new car! (a 2008 Altima Coupe 2.5s in precision gray)
I got a first round interview with a corporate retail management program that would relocate me to San Franscico for 3 months while training and then place me in the location of my choice.
I'm also so uberly obsessed with LinkedIn...are you on that? If not you definitely should be. There are some real industry professionals on there ready to hire!
Among other things there is no love life to speak of and that's fine by me I have some personal goals that I want to achieve while I'm in Atlanta:
I want to get invisiline - don't get me wrong I have great teeth but they're not as perfect as they once were when I first got my braces taken off
Loose a few pounds (25-30lbs to be exact)
Let my hair grow out
Save about $4,000 in my ING savings account
I think this time in ATL could serve me well - don't get me wrong - I still send out about 10 resumes a day in California but I'm happy

...a boyfriend pretty soon wouldn't be bad either.

California...Knows How To Party

So, I'm in my home away from home- Floss Scandlelous, California ....The City of Angels. I love it here! There's beautiful weather, beautiful people, great shopping, and it's everything New York is not! Needless to say, I'm trying to move out here as soon as possible. I landed a great fulltime paid internship at a celebrity fashion magazine in New York but as I stated it is an ...internship and pretty soon that won't cut it anymore. It's definitely a great place for me to learn but at this point I've figured out I don't really want to be a fashion editor. One great thing about the magazine is that they have a west coast beauru. My plan is to be in LA by January 09'. I know NYC seems like the place to be, but it's truly not the place for me and I'm smart enough to know that.

Updates!

I have an early life crisis just about daily but I'm figuring it out. I'm still California dreaming but NYC is calling my name. Things are really picking up opportunity wise. Last week the fabulous Marcia Caster, an editor from ESSENCE edited my resume and really made me look like a superstar on paper, and she didn't even lie! That gave me the boost I needed to go on an application spree. I've applied to I don't know how many jobs and have began to interviewing, meetings, power lunches. I am on a campaign here, I'm leaving no stone left unturned. I'm casting my ballot in a number of cards and waiting for the opportunity that belongs to me. My most phenomenal experience was being in the press office of a world renowned Japanese designer who for professionalism sake I will leave unnamed (though I will give his initials...Y.Y. and he has a brand with Adidas) and killed the interview only for the interviewer to tell me that I would tell me how talented and super cool I was and wonderful my portfolio was that I would probably be bored to pieces in the office and that there was little chance that I would get hired since the staff was so small there. Either way, she gave me contact names to various PR companies, Y-3, and one of my favorite Mags along with hers with encouragement to keep in touch. That felt good, validating. That even in a huuuuge rotten city like New York that I could shine. Out of alllll the girls in size 0 pants with degrees from FIT and Parson's that I, lil' thick girl from Howard University could still knock their socks off with my style and brilliance. Things are getting better but I'm taking it one day at a time. I have meetings and interviews all week, pray for me :)

My Eyes are Attacking Me

I woke up this morning looking like a one eyed monster. It's actually really disgusting. New York is growing on me but I'm still California Dreamin'. I already booked my trip for the last week in August. So I'll be freelancing full time for the .com of the magazine starting immediately after my internship is over. That's such a relief because I now pay my own rent! [mom was not playing about that]. In better news, I finally got the internet back! In bad news, I have no love life to speak of. LOL. Actually, that's not too bad, it's allowing me to focus on life and work, especially since I work like a Hebrew slave. Well, that's it. All I have to write.

First off...
Let me dispell the myth ... I am not Dominican. I moved to New York and people just decided to give me a different cultural background. I'm black- I got some other stuff going on too- but at the end of the day I'm black, I mean Dominicans, Ricans, and Cubans can be black too but I'm not Domincan.
Okay, New York isn't half bad. Still not where I want to settle down at but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll probably be here for a minute while I hustle my way up the industry ladder. New York's not so lonely anymore either- I have a great circle of comrads who have really helped to ground me here in the rotten apple. I just bought those flowers today too! They're pretty. The bookclub is amazing and the nonstop mismosas don't hurt either. Plus, there are soooooo many Howard people in the city, I see them everywhere- at work, at play, on the train, on the street- everywhere. It's awesome. I do need to find a hair salon ASAP though, if you have any suggestions please leave it in my comment box or send me an email preferably in Manhattan but I wouldn't mind going to some parts of Brooklyn. 
I'm liking adulthood though. It hasn't really got full swing (my mom still helps with rent for now) but I'm getting weened into independence. It's great figuring out who I am without constantly being distracted by outside influences. Figuring out and deciding who I am and who I want to be. Im creating habits, rituals, and making a lifestyle for myself. I think it's so important to decide what kind of person you're going to be and being comfortable with that. I'm very content with life. Though it's not all great - it is all good and the future's looking very bright.

i'm lonely in new york-
i miss dc.atl.la
my room is big
....and empty.
all i have is a blow up mattress with $20 400 thread ct. egyptian cotton sheets (peach is the color, i thought it might liven up the place a bit) and a rolling cart with canvas drawers (i added drawer liners so my clothes would smell sweet) and a rack full of fabulousness in the indentation of my right wall known as the closet - area.
tomorrow i buy a few groceries, some flowers to yet again beautify the place, a razor (- to beautify my armpit), oh and a notepad..


but essence is dynamic and amaaaaaaaaaaaazing
its all worth the sacrifice.

Mama Gotta Have a Life Too

So, I'm a week out from the beginning of my new life.  I start work on June 2...10am-6pm. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time:) I'm so excited about the company I'm working with- it's just so many dynamic black women - and people in general- who have been at that very place. I feel like I'm joining another organization. It's a beautiful thing! With my new job, I plan to really get my life to where I want it to be. I opened up an ING savings account [and put $500 in there to start!] and there's more life adjustments to come :) I plan to start painting again, joining my homegirl Charreah's bookclub, find a hair salon in NYC - preferably Harlem since I don't like to have  go to far for a good look and just living and loving life. I'm so exited!

Addendum to my previous post...
I found a song that epitomizes how I feel relationships should be. It's called Sure Thing by this kid out in my dream city, LA, named Miguel. This song has been on repeat all morning- he's really just talking about homieloverfriend theory..his first words are "love you like a brother- treat you like a friend". It's refreshing to know that someone can feel me...I guess I'm just looking for the sure thing he's talking about.

And another update...
I finally found and got my apartment in New York, I'll be risiding in the Morningside Park area just a few blocks south of Harlem on 7th Ave (Adam Clayton Powell)- which I adore, I'm also feeling the Ft. Greene area of Brooklyn too. A friend of my mother's put me in contact with this guy (lol) who ended up taking me and my current roommate to this spot called the Brooklyn Moon which had a dope atmosphere and some great honey bbq wings! Oh, yea he was oh so attractive too:)
Apartment hunting was an experience on it's own. Two apartments were cluttered with older women- one room that was open made me feel like I would be playing the role of sister bear (it was a mother and her two teenaged sons) and the other with a woman slightly younger than my grandmother with a bedroom for $8000 with a twin bed and boy's decor (her son had died and she left all of things where he left them...yikes!). There was one apartment that was suuuuuuper nice on St. Nicholas and w. 116th for only $675 but there was an ex boxer who owned it and would be living there too, which would have been a little too uncomfortable. The place I ended up getting is four bedrooms, two full baths, a WASHER AND DRYER!, new kitchen, and my room is a great size. So, I'm excited and just riding this wave wherever it wants to take me. I start work in two weeks...
Oh yea, and I think I'm going to start painting again- a hobby is just so necessary!

now playin: Sure Thing- miguel

My Perfect Man Theory

Anyone who knows me knows that I am the epitome of a girly girl- from the make-up to the clothes and especially boy talk! My friends accuse me of being of a talk show host asking questions like "so, what's your type"..."when do you want to get married"..."what's you ideal man." In general I would go through my check list [funny, attractive, ambtious, God fearing etc] then when I noticed my friends' minds starting to wonder while I kept listing attributes. I realized at that point that I needed to consolidate my list and this is what I came up with- a homieloverfriend.

Before you judge me, let me explain...
1. I need a homie because I want to be able to hang out with him, have riveting conversations and big laughs
2. Lover- it's not so hard side to understand right?
3. My perfect man is also my best friend because he should always have my best interest at heart and I should be able to trust him with my soul.
So while I'm sure the homieloverfriend theory reminded you of that old R. Kelly song, it actually has nothing to do anything he's talking about. Once I find mine, it will be game[s] over!

Last Day of Undergrad

So I'm officially complete with my academic pursuits at Howard University! I'm not sure whether I should get up and shout for joy because it's over or weep for days because....it's over. These four years have zoomed by so quickly and life is coming like a ton of bricks! I graduate May 10, I start work at the magazine on June 2. It's crazy, I love Howard so much, it's the best (and one of the only major) decisions I've made in my life. I'm so excited about being a Howard Alumna...I'm going to be one of those people in the grocery store with my HU Sweatshirt, my DST cap...just PROUD.
My only regret is that I didn't cherish every milisecond of my time here. My family is too proud, they don't even know what to do with themselves. There's a big hoopla being planned for my graduation weekend. Truthfully it's more for my mother than it is for me, but that's okay. She deserves it, she single handedly paid my tuition. I have no loans, no debt, so I'm walking across that stage a free woman! That's also very exiting. Life is beautiful.

I know some of my friends were interested in knowing so I'm going to tell you- New York IS an option! At least for the summer. I got the paid internship with every homegirl's favorite magazine, so I will definitely be in the NYC. To tell the truth New York scares me to death! It's just so big and busy- I have so much more of a California persona but I'm going to give NYC a try and I sure hell wasn't about to turn down an amazing opportunity to work with the number 1 black womens publication in the world. We'll see if I'm still California Dreamin' after August 9th.

My Favourite Things At the Moment

I didn't quite feel like blogging all the way, but I'm going through some serious emotion about only having 2 weeks left in my undergraduate career. I can't believe its over for Howard. I love it so much and all the lessons it has taught me.

Today had to be one of the most random days everrrrrr.....
1. I get mysteriously taken off of the schedule of my job of three weeks
2. I'm proposed to by a random man at the G2 bus stop while waiting to go home after feeling 'fired'
3. I send an email to the regional sales manager and am hired again.

4. Receive an email from an admirer who saw my picture on Lenzism and said the following

I just saw a picture of you on Lenzism.com and you are a
beautiful girl. Your eyes make you look like a bright, smart, and
respectful woman. I know you know this but let me just say 'a person's
eyes are a window to their soul.' Grace me with your beautiful
presence and let me know you a little bit better and like Columbus let
us sail on a journey of each other's minds and see what it leads to.
In each other's eyes that is where we find ourselves as the eyes never
lie.

5. Am honest with myself and decide I really didn't feel like working a retail job anyway [no matter how smashing the products] and quit the job.

They couldn't write days like this if they wanted to!

PS: 6. There's a knock at the door, it's my rapper exboyfriend who I haven't heard from in almost 6 months stopping by because he was 'in the neighborhood' and saw my light on and plans to call me tomorrow. Who invited him back? OMG. Lord, days like this....

now playing: poison- bell biv devoe

Feelin' Froggy?

You know what's soooo weird? I don't want to be in a relationship. Like honestly, I don't for the first time in a minute. I'm comfortable with the life and dating style I currently have [oh yea, that striking barely lasted 24 hours]. At first I just didn't get why I had been giving the best that I got and no one seemed ready. Then I did some self reflection and after deciding that they might not all be fullofshitnogoodniggasthataintnevergonnadorightbyme, I could see that it's simply a bad time in life to be bunned up. The futures so foggy I can barely see where my next footstep will land. I'm not sure what the next 2 or 3 months hold for me, I'm not sure about where I'll be living, where I'll be working, what mood I'll be in, or what haircut I'll have..I don't know anything! It would just be the worst thing for me to bring someone into that blurry equation. i feel like a frog making a big leap off of a lily pad and afraid that i wont land flat on the next. I'm making a big jump in life but I'm not quite sure what I'm jumping into and though a boyfriend might be a source of security it could also sway decisions that don't need to have anyone else's influence but my own. I was so into having a boo, I couldn't even see that this was a bad time for me just as much as it is for them. The dating life is fun, it's nice to have things easy and breezy and can often me a glimpse of sunshine in a cloudy and uncertain reality. I dont know if you can tell but I'm really having post grad anxiety! It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

On a less sickly note, I am looking forward to when I am ready to take the plunge. Being intimate, not physically but emotionally and spiritually, with someone is an experience like no other. Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to melt into them? It sounds so pyscho...but my friend and I were talking about this yesterday while riding around Baltimore. When you're in love the butterflies are just so sick and never ending- that place where the only thing you're scared of is losing them and that feeling that you all share. When that day and time comes, it will be a beautiful thing. I look forward that experience but until then I'm working on doing me to the fullest and cherishing each and every millisecond of it.

Now Playing: Its Whatever- Aaliyah

Updates!

Hey world, I know i've been a little MIA on the blog scene but life has really been happening! So I'm a regular bloggerist on Lenzism so please check me out and show some love. I talk about fashion, spot hot @$$ mess, and feature tons of products. We're really trying to do big things over at Lenzism so support! I also just got a job as a key holder at Lush Cosmetics - yesterday was my first day and so far so good! I'm excited about the possibilities with the company, since its worldwide and has a branch in just about any city you ever wanted to live in or visit there are lots of options. I'm thinking this is my perfect way to move to LA or NYC. Its a fun and enjoyable bread and butter job that still allows me the time and flexibility to pursue my ambitions without moving too far away from my field. I mean the bills have to be paid, being a starving artist is not what's good in the hood. Please believe mama will be getting money... being a paper chaser is in my DNA and having about 3-4 hustles is not foreign to me. So, here it is...grind time. It begins now...I didn't get the job at Lush because I'm currently in need of money but the opportunity came and I took it, knowing that I didn't want to have to scramble to find one when I was finally cut the teets of my parents. Plus all my friends have jobs so if there's no one else to bs with what's the fun of free time? 

In other news one of bests just got an interview at Giant. Cool right? It reminds me of how I need to return to my hard pursuit of journalism. While I'm sooo open to do fashion pr or production or styling, I've always wanted to get into magazines. I've applied to a really crucial internship for the summer at on publication and I think I'm a great candidate but we'll see. I'll be applying to more soon  but if its fulltime it has to be paid. I don't see how people can do that...fulltime unpaid internships? WHHHHAAAAT?! How do you eat like that? There are so many uncertainties in my life right now...Ugh.

I do know one thing for sure...I'm going to be somebody!

Congrats on Getting Signed on to BadBoy

This song is my motivation when things don't seem to go my way...Enjoy!

I Love When It Rains Outside

                                               

Okay...now that that bit is done.So the beat doesn't stop and neither does time.

Nope. Not for anyone- not even me. 

So, I've been breaking my strike; there's no real way I can. Tonight I went to this concert/recital here on campus called Love Story [if you go to HU, I'm sure you heard about it]...either way, I really did not what it was or why it was $12 but I went anyway because I wanted to support my friends. It's always so interesting when you see someone that you were once involved with and you all see each other again. What's even more interesting is when you are in a romantic environment but neither is with anyone or care to be. Unless it was with each other. 

Have you ever just wanted to break the silence and say, "hey, I'm still here and I still care" but pride mixed with fear stopped you.  That's a big move...to be vulnerable, to be real.  I feel like I've already been the bigger person by calling him and leaving a message, "hey its yasmine, I'm just calling to clear somethings up." and that was over a week ago. I wont go up and speak to him if he's speaking to everyone around me but me.  I tell myself that things will work themselves out...hopefully the way I want them to. 

Although I feel like it will- I still see the want in his eyes.

On a lighter note, please check out my new blog column, Haute Sh!t, on the ever humorous Lenzism.

Now Playing: You Made a Fool of Me, India Arie.

Just Like The Writers

...I'm going on strike. I don't know whether or not it's something I'm doing wrong but I definitely keep attracting all the wrong guys. So, I'm going on strike. I'm just going to let the love quest take a backseat to everything else. Easier said than done, I know but I think it's necessary. I need to do some self-reflection before I end up slicing one of these knuckleheads. Doesn't matter what age they seem to be, I've had 21, 22, 24, 26...they all bullshit- they just have different styles of bullshitting me. One tried to play the sincere honesty guy who just wasn't ready, one tried to get me caught up in his black consciousness scheme, the latest whole thing was that "he was a grown man" ..."we're both adults"..."I won't look at you any different if you give it up on the first night"...You may not, but I will! They make me want to scream. So instead of waking my roommates up, who seemingly never have anything to do in the morning,  I'll just said fuck it and leave it alone. 

Now Playing: Celibacy Blues- Jill Scott

...Though, I'm not sure whether or not this strike will include dates or not, sometimes that free dinner is what gets you through the night. On second thought, I think they will- that's how the grown man showed his ass.

Taking the Sugar and THE LEMON

Today was my first day on the beginning of a big internship with the EVP of a major television network and while it's not directly fashion related it will help me get to where I want to go if I grind hard enough. It's 12:38 AM and it feels more like 4am- I've been up since 7 something this morning. In just 8 hours I've learned so much and met so many people. It makes me happy to have put myself out there and up for scrutiny for the sake of tapping into a connection.  

As great and challenging as my internship has been I'm (once again) dissapointed with how people [ergo men, or a particular man] decided to act. He saw me in our school's Punchout (the cool fast food cafeteria geared to upperclassmen) and did not say one single word. Then for whatever reason I saw him at happy hour. He generally isn't one to be on the happy hour/ bar/lounge scene - he's more of a house party guy so I never thought he would be there even though all his friends were but of all nights this was the night he was dragged out of the house. He basically said he had been distant because he felt bombarded with questions regarding us and how he basically didn't want to constantly be associated with me or be known because me or whatever..."It's all just too high profile for me, honestly." There goes that damn word again, "honestly". Whatever.  I'm done. 

It's so crazy how on a day where I learn the most and am faced with my future, I have some of the hardest personal  realities. I'm out of it. Tired. I have a headache...

Now Playing: Whole Town Laughing At Me - Jagged Edge

I AM BEGINNING TO SEE THE LIGHT...

My friend always used to call me naive and gullible. The truth is I really am. People [guys] are always innocent until proven guilty with me but I'm truly beginning to think that it should be the other way around.
Here's the breakdown:
I've heard of Summer Love and Spring Flings - but I've never in my life heard of a Winter Break Romance. I feel so bamboozled and it didn't even happen to me. Basically my friends and I are at the party and this guy starts coming on to my friend. He's being uber aggressive and she is attracted too so they exchange digits and he takes it from there. Everyday he's calling her, trying to see her, they go out on numerous dates, hugged up in the club...it was a whirlwind romance. He met her momma, her dog, and she was beginning to get used to all of this attention. Initially she had her suspicions and even asked him about his current relationships, he admitted to "talking" to some girl from another state who was away for the break but he reassured her that it wasn't anything deep enough to stop him from exploring things with her.
So they continued...
This particular friend is extremely jaded and lets almost nothing really get to her but in the span of two weeks [before Christmas and after New Year's] he had begun to break down her barriers. She was almost open - when things fell apart.
Right when she started to care he pulled the rug right from under her, saying how he "didn't mean for things to escalate" and how his "heart" is really with the chick from out of state and how they've been through so much over the past "two years" and asked if they could still "be cool". WTF?! How convienient for it to be the day before her return. I was hurt.
I know it didn't happen to me, but it's happened before and happens all too often. Sure, "at least he was honest" but let me be frank...Honesty is a b-i-t-c-h! It's like he went out of his way to play her? What's the purpose of pursuing someone so adamatly just to renig a few weeks later? I feel horrible because I was really encouraging of him. I thought he was a sincere dude [yea, he's honest but I'm not so sure about how good his intentions were] and I wanted her to let him in and let her guard down a bit. Bad advice on my part, huh? I'm so freakin' gullible. You'd think that out of all of the misadventures I've had in love that I would be at least a bit jaded. Nope, not at all...to my demise. I'm like the bird that keeps running into the glass just because it seems see through. Hitting my head and falling back everytime. I trust too easily and don't make people earn it.
I never wanted to be one of those angry [black] women who always proclaimed, "_iggas ain't s-h-i-t!" but I'm honestly beginning to feel that way. There always seems some trick around the corner of bliss.

Now Playing: He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Whinehouse

Seek Those Seeking You

Am I the only person without a true New Year's Resolution? I'm not going on a super new diet that garuntees that I'll lose 50 pounds in two weeks, I'm going to continue my Sprite addiction, and I will still eat beef every now and then even though it takes a month to digest. Yes, 2008 will be a GR8 year but it there won't be any changes due to unatural causes.

So Caleb, my youngest brother, is going through a few growing pains. He's 13 and in the 8th grade at the largest and one of the most prestigious private schools in the southeast. He's struggling to find his place in it all. Don't get me wrong, my baby bro isn't a "lame", he plays football and baseball, has an array of friends but Big Sissy always knows when K-Bird is faking the funk. One of his friends from Pre-K came over and prior to his arrival Caleb goes, "have you ever had a friend who you've known since Pre-K [though I was never in Pre-K] and you don't see each other that often and when you get older they're a little lame but you still have fun with them so you're still friends?" Honest question, huh? Well, I replied, "You know, the tides change alot when you're growing up. People who are cool in elementary may be lame in middle school or they may not be and people who are the ish in middle school may fall off it high school or they may not. All that to say that you can't base your friendships on people's popularity and if you're friend is honest, true, and fun then you stay their friend even when it's not popular." My mother thought that this was needed advice as she sensed Caleb's reservations. "He wants to be friends with this kid Ryan" she said, "and yes, Ryan's a nice kid but Caleb wants to be his friend because he's the star football player, his dad is a trainer for alot of professional football players, and he's really popular. What I try to instill in Caleb is that you can't choose your friends like that and you should seek those who seek you, Ryan's not the one calling wanting to come over."

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit crestfallen when I heard this. No one wants their sibling to be a "reacher"- needless to say, Caleb's getting my special lecture on "how to have true friends and make it look effortless." Tonight was my last real night in the A-town and I went to the Poetry Slam at The Apache Cafe. As I heard all of the spoken word artists rhyme verbal revelations, I had an epiphany of my own. I too should seek those seeking me instead of constantly reaching for something that may or may not be there. While I may have the popularity [whatever that means] thing on lock, I don't always seek men who seek me. One of my friends/lovedoctors made a comment, "Yaz, you like guys that are hard to get". I'm not sure what that's all about but it is a bit true. Why don't I give the time to guys who are just as excited about me as I am about them? I too am guilty of "reaching". It's a mess, ain't it? It's true though and I'm not ashamed of it because everyone's guilty. We all are like little Caleb trying to find his way. Okay, so after talking it out with myself, the computer monitor, and my dog, Sole, I guess my resolution is to seek those and that which seeks me (only if passes my 10 point inspection of course!)

Happy New Year Everyone!

Now Playing: All For You- Little Brother