The first step to recovery

I was saw that a step to getting over heartache is to write a letter to the person and then keep it to yourself.  While I express myself best in written form I don't see the point in writing to a person that will never see how you feel. 

About two weeks ago one of my favorite linesisters called me to catch up. When we got to the topic of men I told her how there was no one that I was really into to and that I was casually entertaining a few people but nothing serious.  Then she brought up that one... the one who I would drop all others for, the one who still had a piece of me for better or worse. The one that I can't seem to harden my heart for.  I couldn't even fake it and act like he never crossed my mind then she asked "Are you like in love with him or something?" Now, an easy and obvious answer would be "yes" but with further consideration I believe that I'm more heartbroken over what didn't happen. While we did/do have amazing chemistry - that kind of love at first conversation but there was no grand love affair to miss. It's more like an itch that was never fully scratched. An unfinished entry is what makes me still intrigued. I believe that love, or the idea of it, unfulfilled is worse than a break-up. At least when you break up with someone there's a reason and an end point. When things just end with no fizzle or fire it leaves you an addict, wondering when and if things are going to pick up. I feel like I'm rambling but maybe someone feels me.

now playing: wish you loved me- tynisha keli

Hazel

1. Put your music player on shuffle. I used my iTunes
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Respond in the comment box with your results!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Lay In My Bed- Mario (I’m not sure how I feel about this- no one has been laying my bed in a minute! It ain’t that easy…)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Round Midnight- Jazmine Sullivan (LOL- this is actually perfect, “round mindnight” I’m always up thinking- I had to start taking sleeping pills because I can’t sleep for thinking so much)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Soon as I Get Home – Bobby Valentino [Babyface Remake] (This is true, I need someone who can love and support me “a stack of major credit cards and with him I don’t have to ask”)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Angel- Leona Lewis (I don’t think this is accurate, I haven’t met my angel yet. No Romeo for this Juliet)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Wifey- Next & SWV ( I hope this is a good sign)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Love Come Down- Evelyn Champagne King (I’m bout sick of all these songs referencing love – though I can’t help the way I feel! LOL)


7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
After The Rain- Mya ( Hopefully this means they know I’ll always be there during the rain and after it too)

8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Taste Your Heartbeat- Uness ( sad but true- please discover and download)


9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma- George Clinton and P-Funk (LOL, pretty muuuuch)

10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Relax 1 – Unknown ( so random, from one of the many mixtapes I download from Aaron Reid or Blind I)


11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mr. Bombastic- Shaggy (too funny- Mr. Luva Luva hmmmm)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Party Pack- The Fewture ft. Graham Knox & Grip Playaz ( they always tell me “you fine but you party all the time”)

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Goodbye- PPP ft. Jamila Raegan (not sure what this means)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
So Over You- Ashanti (Well, if I like them then this may not be true but I would definitely like to believe it! Which would explain why I’m heartless and have no feelings for anyone)


15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Come With Me- Day 26 (They want me to be in the medical field like them LOL)

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Beautiful Girl- Kenny Lattimore (Perfect fit!)


17 What will they play at your funeral?
The Corner- Common ft. Scarface ( Oh no, I hope I don’t die over no BS)

18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Def Poetry Jam- Amanda Diva

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Bedtime- Jeezy ( LOL- enough of the sexual references)

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Walk It Out- DJ Unk

21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Whip Appeal – Babyface (ya, I’m a sucker for it!)

22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
T-Shirt- Beyonce (Hopefully that t-shirt doesn’t belong to another woman’s man LOL)

23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Chronometrophobia- Outkast

24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Rearview (Ridin’) – Bobby Valentino ft. Ludacris (True, I can’t help but lookback and laugh)


25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Unfaithful - Rihanna

26. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
I’ll Never Hate Her- Lonely Limo Mixtape (IDK what this means)


27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I Slept With Someone from Fall Out Boy and All I Got was a Stupid Song Written About Me- Fall Out Boy (terrible!)

28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
What If I Fell In Love With You- Duffy

29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I Can’t Stop Loving You- Kem (sooo trueee)

30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Hazel- Lloyd

Playing House

Is it just me? Or are there a TON of people shacking up these days? I guess Diddy and Kim Porter made it cool somehow but there are more unmarried young couples living together now more than ever. Is it because of the downturned economy? Would partners rather just live together and split expenses? Are people testing the waters before marriage? 

Maybe I'm just old school but I've never seen so many women (and men) just pick up their lives and relocate them to live with someone with no talks of marriage even in sight a lot of the time. Each time I hear of a new case of playing house I instinctively ask, "what does your mother think?". Just as I initially suspected, most aren't thrilled in the least bit.  

Don't get me wrong, I understand how your partner can spend days on end at your place or vice versa and it seems like it's a pretty economical and smart idea. Even during my summer days in New York I shared my living space with a significant other though I soothed my conscience by telling myself it was only for a temporary time until he got his own apartment (which was true) and then that he would only come on the weekend (also true). Since I have seen a tiny bit of what it feels like to live with your love so I can see the perks and the pitfalls. Perks- someone to help with bills, someone to hold at night (I think it ends there). Pitfalls- someone invading your limited closet space, socks, cups, shoes... EVERYWHERE, someone taking the cover. Yea, not as sexy as I imagined it. And from what I've seen of other people's attempts at playing house things can get really sticky from people feeling suffocated, domestic violence, to identity theft. It can get ugly! I think I'll just wait until I'm married to enjoy (and suffer) living with my man!

Now Playing: Rain- Dear Jayne ft. J. Holiday

My Worst Nightmare...

But one of my favorite songs by Etta James.

FRIENDS

You know readers, I've really had a serious case of the blues lately. I just feel like I'm kind of in a valley of my life. I'm really not where I want to be, still haven't had my "big break", and everything around me is uninspiring.  While I have vowed  to have a renewed attitude in the new year it's been tough to keep my spirits up as I still have not heard back from a position with an amazing company that I interviewed with before Christmas. Times are hard, simply put. 

As much as I try and listen and care for my friends I don't always feel like I have the same ear to listen to me. I constantly get phone calls about love lost, drama with friends, family problems- whatever you can think of I've heard. However when it's time for the table to turn I find myself up awake at night calling my mother at work. When I'm ready to actually talk people are busy, have to call me back, having a moment, or just can't handle the weight I feel and therefore aren't a suitable conversation mates. Have you ever really just wanted someone you could talk to? With fists full of friends I still feel like there's no where to turn. 

On The Chat Line

Merry Christmas party people! I can't say that I'm truly in the "Christmas" spirit - we could actually skip all the shenanigans if it were up to me. I'm just not feeling it this year.  Everything just feels depres...ahem, recessed. LOL.  Anyway, that's not really want I wanted to write about.

Is meeting people on the internet still taboo? After much complaining about the male selection I've been coming across in the Atlanta nightlife scene (Luckie, Ten Pin, Pure, Body Tap lol, etc) my friend told me how she randomly finds dates on the internet. From Blackplanet, Black Singles.net, MySpace, and even Craigslist she's gone off descriptions and photos to determine whether she wanted to talk on the phone then eventually meet in a mall foodcourt. 

Is it me or does that seem so retro? Blackplanet was/is definitely one of the forefathers of  the socially addictive phenom, Facebook.  Either way she convinced me that I should start up a page and just "get out there" and explore. Wouldn't exploring entail being home more so I can check my Notes and Page Log?  Moving on, I decided "why not?" I signed up, created a cute and sophisticated screen name "BeholdaLady8" (of course..), added a picture, and then immediately felt the urge to erase  the page and felt a bit of embarassment. "What am I doing on this site anyway?" is what I asked myself.  "I have guys I could talk to. Even if they annoy me to pieces- at least I met them at school or at the mall or something respectable." As of yet, I have still not erased the page so if you are on there too please friend me I only have four! I have gotten other friend requests but a lot of the people on there seem crazier than the guys I'm meeting at Luckie Lounge on Wednesday nights! From crazy screen names like "KngDckSlanga" and "ThugLuv69" to the men over 30 trying to holler. It's a mess! I don't do older older guys- I'm only 22 what do we could we have in common??? I'm not interested! 

I have another friend who received a random friend request on Facebook from an attractive stranger and decided to accept since they knew a few of the same people. To make a long story short Facebook messages turned to Facebook chat and then to telephone conversations, him breaking up with his girlfriend and them establishing rules for their engagement. Now he's her phone's screensaver and she's "got a man".  As happy as she seems to be with her new beau when you ask how they met she just says "it's a long story" and doesn't want to say "on Facebook". Why is that? 

With the uprising of  sites like Match.com and E-Harmony why are people still ashamed of meeting new potential dates online? While almost everyone does it in some way (friending cute strangers on Facebook) or setting up accounts on social networks - no one really seems to be okay with talking about it. I believe that there seems to be a sense of desperation attached to this form of dating which is not necessarily true. The fact is that we can't all be desperate... or are we? If we are, at least we're all in it together! 

While I did bring Blackplanet up from the grave I've been on a campaign to being open to meeting people anywhere. My hotspots are ALWAYS the hoods though! Old National Hwy, the ashy part before you get to my classy hood, is always filled with suped up old school cars and tons of Dodge Chargers (the hoodest car out right now!) and also tons of men that are trying to holler at the CaramelCutie in the silver coupe with the DST tag. I get honks, request to pull over, guys rolling down their windows at stop lights anything! I also do well in the SWATS (Southwest Atlanta for those who don't know) - I don't know what it is. So far my campaign has been going well I've met someone at a holiday party, a night out with friends, a gas station, Old National, and at a store. It's funny I've given my number to a few but I have absolutely NO interest in really talking to anyone. Even though they all have been generally attractive there's nothing in me that really wants to spend time getting to know people. LOL. Funny right?  I guess that's why I haven't found anyone!!!

Let's Chill

...actually, LET'S NOT! Not in your house anyway. What is up with this guys? When did dating consist of constantly coming to your house and watching random dvds as you consistently get denied physical advancement? GET THE HINT STUPID! Forgive me readers, I'm really annoyed right now (as if you couldn't tell) but some men really don't get it. I have always been in the school of thought that if a man can only hang out with you in his house then he's just not that into you or he's just trying to get into you. Now, I'm hanging out with a certain guy who I've known for sometime but have never been available to until now. However, he has it all confused. If you like me, like you say you do then take my word for when I say- you're apartment won't do! (No matter how stunning the view is!) What happened to the simple things- dinner...movies...hookah? Is it really that difficult? I've already been up front- we're not going there. I'm celibate and I have no intentions of discontinuing that until I am with someone who is worth my energy. I can't say all guys have this issue, recently I went on a cool date to Apache Cafe here in Atlanta and listened to live music and enjoyed the open mic. I'm not saying you need to treat me to Ruth Chris and the Atlanta Ballet every evening but show a little initiative (though I do love the finer things). Have some pride- your apartment barely has furniture! I know it's cuddling weather but really you don't even know me like that partner!

Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat...

...right? I for one believe so but hope not. If so, we're all doomed!!! In the span of 3 days I've heard numerous horror stories how of men have betrayed the trust [and satisfied the suspicsion for some] of their significant others with infidelity. One has had two year bicoastal affair for , one cheated with his so called "best friend", and another simply cheated habitually without regard. When I asked one of my friends why he cheated on his girlfriend he replied, "I was just going through things" - what kind of things would make you cheat? One guy I dated admitted to me after 5 months of casually dating that he had a girlfriend...in the middle of trying to get with me. How could you go that long without saying something? Without her saying something? He and I were not serious but we were involved and it made me furious because I pride myself on not coming in between anyone's relationship. When I reacted to his confession he replied, "you act like I'm married." That's a statement I feel a lot of men agree with. That if you're not married then cheating is non existant or it's not a big deal. My definition of cheating is defying anything that goes outside of the parameters of the your established relationship rules. When I sit and think about all the men that have ever cheated - I feel an amazing gape in my cardiovascular cavity. Almost every man has done it- known and unknown. From Presidents like John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton to civil saints like Martin Luther King Jr and modern day dieties like the Honorable Elijah Muhammad. It's truly sickening and disheartening to believe that fidelty cannot be achieved.
I'm at a point in my life where I allow people to be who they are, stay in their lane, and to place themselves where they should be in my life. If you're friend is selfish and never likes to go out but loves to have potlucks and sleepovers- stop inviting that friend to go to the club with you all the time, don't call her unless you feel like picking her up and not getting any gas money for going 30 minutes out of your way. Sure, that's extreme but know who you're dealing with and don't expect people to change just because you find faults with them. Let people be who they are and there will be a lot less stress in your life- I promise. Not to say you have to deal with their character flaws but just accept the fact that they have them. That new found revelation has led me to believe that 98% of the time if a man cheats once he'll cheat again not necessarily because he doesn't love you but because he is simply a cheater.
PS: not to make light of my sentiments but I included a snippet of the ever humorous t.v. show Cheaters

Now Playing: Something You Forgot - Lil Wayne

Some Like it HOT

...I would be one of them. However, my life these days just seem to be just lukewarm. Why is it that the things [and people for that matter] that we are most passionate about seem to be the hardest to attain? It seems like everything happening in my life is just simply....luke. I'm not going to lie and say that there's no love life- there is one but I wouldn't so much call it a 'love' life it's more like a 'ithinkilike' life. I've never been so nonchalant in my life. I mean I guess it's cool to have some mellowness in my often times overly dramatic life but oh my goodness, it's such a bore! I always used to ask myself if I adventure followed me or if I followed adventure and now I see that we're one in the same and one without the other makes for a very bored and unstimulated Yazzi.


now playing: 'valentine'- ryan leslie

And Now Our Work Truly Begins

We did it, America! We finally let go of our apathy, wining, and complaining and stood in the lines that forced change to occur! While I am happy to see something that I never thought I'd witness in my lifetime, a BLACK President, I'm even happier to see democracy truly at work. Now we must live up to all that we stood in those lines for and not let apathy set back in.
I am in awe of what I witnessed tonight. To see people in long lines at the polls, radio stations being taken over by political conversations, facebook statuses with more than just snide comments about their ex's. From enslavement to presidency!!!!!! That's one hell of a trail; a trail that so many people fought, bled, and died to set. I know this is just the FIRST of many changes to come and boy am I ready!
I finally feel a bit of vindication from all those days in 9th grade government class at Landmark Christian School when I was the only moderately liberal voice to be heard. When classmates tried to mute me with their typical southern white conservative views. This is a revenge well worth waiting for.
The sad part is that they're so busy putting up ignorant facebook statuses complaining how they're going to have to work "harder" while the "lazier get even more lazy" - how predictable can you be? When do these people look past themselves to see the biggest picture? Can't they see that today is truly the day that America finally belongs to ALL OF US???? That finally we all can get a bit out of that "white only American pie"? The the white ceiling is finally broken but I guess it wouldn't be natural for every American to feel happy about that, especially when we can sense the end of white dominance in this country.
I can honestly say that growing up, especially in my teen years I had a serious issue with white people mostly because the majority of the ones around me were racist, narrow minded, one step away from the KKK .....people that I was always in defense from in one way or another- being passed up for class secretary, prefect (whatever the heck that is anyway), being slighted in cheerleading, always having to prove myself and most times still feeling like I had failed - not because of my ability but because of theirs- their ability to allow me to flourish and be the leader I was simply because of my skin. I'm sure many would dispute that as the reason but who would expect them not to anyway.
Then I grew up, looked around and saw not everyone was like the people I went to school with and that not even all of them were was terrible as I thought they once were. I realized that it's not always about race and I also realized that as a black woman, I would always have a double consciousness- and that's okay too. It's a tough situation growing up with a father who's a black nationalist, Hebrew Israelite, in the heart of Black America and then being sent to an all white school filled with christian republicans who only saw their version of right and being forced to sit in theology classes where the only thing I could agree upon was the sanctity of Jesus the Christ....
I guess my ending words to this post would be...A CHANGE IS HERE WHETHER YOU'RE READY FOR IT OR NOT.

Revisitation

Well, I've been in Atlanta a little over a week now and so far...so good. I took a little time to myself while transitioning from NYC to ATL by going to Howard's Homecoming and spending quality time with family, friends, and linesisters. Homecoming honestly wasn't all I thought it would be though- I guess I really didn't miss anyone or see anyone that I did miss. I guess since I just graduated the feeling of "coming home" was kind of lackluster. However, it did feel good to be in the warm nurturing nest of HU.
So the unthinkable has occured...I'm going back to school. (Or at least that what I keep convincing myself of) The job market SUCKS and unless I want to be folding t-shirts for the rest of my career or doing something completely outside of my interest (my mom suggested becoming a nurse anesthics) - I'm going to have to if I want to 1. get to LA 2. get the kinda of jobs I want. So I decided to do a post bach program at Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising starting next fall to get me where I want to be and with the connections I need to really flourish. I never thought I would be considering school again but I believe that this career focused program will be the "how to get hired" bootcamp that I so desperately need.
I just started working with an entertaintment and fashion company here doing celebrity bookings- so if you need one for your next party, concert, college homecoming, sorority/fraternity gathering- HOLLA AT ME!!!!!
So, since I'm such a computer nerd and can sometimes spend embarassing amounts of time on the internet- I've seen this atroscity called "juicy campus" - that's is the worst website I've seen in ages. All it is is one big honesty box for different campuses to say whatever and talk about whomever they feel like- all anonymously. It's a breeding ground for haters- and people with nothing better to do with their time then to about greek life, hoes, DL men, and who has STDs. I'm so ashamed that Howard students are really giving this thing life. It's truly an embarassment for all who bear the Howard name. Brothers and sisters, we have GOT to do better. Don't we have more pertinent things to do and focus on?
On to more positive things....1 more day before Barack Obama wins the election! (fingers crossed, hopefully prayers and ballots will be answered!)

An Update for The Stalkers

So, a lot of changes have been going on in my little life. I recently have been on the treck to going back to Atlanta inorder to save up for my voyage to the West Coast.
Here are the updates:
I got a brand new car! (a 2008 Altima Coupe 2.5s in precision gray)
I got a first round interview with a corporate retail management program that would relocate me to San Franscico for 3 months while training and then place me in the location of my choice.
I'm also so uberly obsessed with LinkedIn...are you on that? If not you definitely should be. There are some real industry professionals on there ready to hire!
Among other things there is no love life to speak of and that's fine by me I have some personal goals that I want to achieve while I'm in Atlanta:
I want to get invisiline - don't get me wrong I have great teeth but they're not as perfect as they once were when I first got my braces taken off
Loose a few pounds (25-30lbs to be exact)
Let my hair grow out
Save about $4,000 in my ING savings account
I think this time in ATL could serve me well - don't get me wrong - I still send out about 10 resumes a day in California but I'm happy

...a boyfriend pretty soon wouldn't be bad either.

California...Knows How To Party

So, I'm in my home away from home- Floss Scandlelous, California ....The City of Angels. I love it here! There's beautiful weather, beautiful people, great shopping, and it's everything New York is not! Needless to say, I'm trying to move out here as soon as possible. I landed a great fulltime paid internship at a celebrity fashion magazine in New York but as I stated it is an ...internship and pretty soon that won't cut it anymore. It's definitely a great place for me to learn but at this point I've figured out I don't really want to be a fashion editor. One great thing about the magazine is that they have a west coast beauru. My plan is to be in LA by January 09'. I know NYC seems like the place to be, but it's truly not the place for me and I'm smart enough to know that.

Updates!

I have an early life crisis just about daily but I'm figuring it out. I'm still California dreaming but NYC is calling my name. Things are really picking up opportunity wise. Last week the fabulous Marcia Caster, an editor from ESSENCE edited my resume and really made me look like a superstar on paper, and she didn't even lie! That gave me the boost I needed to go on an application spree. I've applied to I don't know how many jobs and have began to interviewing, meetings, power lunches. I am on a campaign here, I'm leaving no stone left unturned. I'm casting my ballot in a number of cards and waiting for the opportunity that belongs to me. My most phenomenal experience was being in the press office of a world renowned Japanese designer who for professionalism sake I will leave unnamed (though I will give his initials...Y.Y. and he has a brand with Adidas) and killed the interview only for the interviewer to tell me that I would tell me how talented and super cool I was and wonderful my portfolio was that I would probably be bored to pieces in the office and that there was little chance that I would get hired since the staff was so small there. Either way, she gave me contact names to various PR companies, Y-3, and one of my favorite Mags along with hers with encouragement to keep in touch. That felt good, validating. That even in a huuuuge rotten city like New York that I could shine. Out of alllll the girls in size 0 pants with degrees from FIT and Parson's that I, lil' thick girl from Howard University could still knock their socks off with my style and brilliance. Things are getting better but I'm taking it one day at a time. I have meetings and interviews all week, pray for me :)

My Eyes are Attacking Me

I woke up this morning looking like a one eyed monster. It's actually really disgusting. New York is growing on me but I'm still California Dreamin'. I already booked my trip for the last week in August. So I'll be freelancing full time for the .com of the magazine starting immediately after my internship is over. That's such a relief because I now pay my own rent! [mom was not playing about that]. In better news, I finally got the internet back! In bad news, I have no love life to speak of. LOL. Actually, that's not too bad, it's allowing me to focus on life and work, especially since I work like a Hebrew slave. Well, that's it. All I have to write.

First off...
Let me dispell the myth ... I am not Dominican. I moved to New York and people just decided to give me a different cultural background. I'm black- I got some other stuff going on too- but at the end of the day I'm black, I mean Dominicans, Ricans, and Cubans can be black too but I'm not Domincan.
Okay, New York isn't half bad. Still not where I want to settle down at but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll probably be here for a minute while I hustle my way up the industry ladder. New York's not so lonely anymore either- I have a great circle of comrads who have really helped to ground me here in the rotten apple. I just bought those flowers today too! They're pretty. The bookclub is amazing and the nonstop mismosas don't hurt either. Plus, there are soooooo many Howard people in the city, I see them everywhere- at work, at play, on the train, on the street- everywhere. It's awesome. I do need to find a hair salon ASAP though, if you have any suggestions please leave it in my comment box or send me an email preferably in Manhattan but I wouldn't mind going to some parts of Brooklyn. 
I'm liking adulthood though. It hasn't really got full swing (my mom still helps with rent for now) but I'm getting weened into independence. It's great figuring out who I am without constantly being distracted by outside influences. Figuring out and deciding who I am and who I want to be. Im creating habits, rituals, and making a lifestyle for myself. I think it's so important to decide what kind of person you're going to be and being comfortable with that. I'm very content with life. Though it's not all great - it is all good and the future's looking very bright.

i'm lonely in new york-
i miss dc.atl.la
my room is big
....and empty.
all i have is a blow up mattress with $20 400 thread ct. egyptian cotton sheets (peach is the color, i thought it might liven up the place a bit) and a rolling cart with canvas drawers (i added drawer liners so my clothes would smell sweet) and a rack full of fabulousness in the indentation of my right wall known as the closet - area.
tomorrow i buy a few groceries, some flowers to yet again beautify the place, a razor (- to beautify my armpit), oh and a notepad..


but essence is dynamic and amaaaaaaaaaaaazing
its all worth the sacrifice.

Mama Gotta Have a Life Too

So, I'm a week out from the beginning of my new life.  I start work on June 2...10am-6pm. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time:) I'm so excited about the company I'm working with- it's just so many dynamic black women - and people in general- who have been at that very place. I feel like I'm joining another organization. It's a beautiful thing! With my new job, I plan to really get my life to where I want it to be. I opened up an ING savings account [and put $500 in there to start!] and there's more life adjustments to come :) I plan to start painting again, joining my homegirl Charreah's bookclub, find a hair salon in NYC - preferably Harlem since I don't like to have  go to far for a good look and just living and loving life. I'm so exited!

Addendum to my previous post...
I found a song that epitomizes how I feel relationships should be. It's called Sure Thing by this kid out in my dream city, LA, named Miguel. This song has been on repeat all morning- he's really just talking about homieloverfriend theory..his first words are "love you like a brother- treat you like a friend". It's refreshing to know that someone can feel me...I guess I'm just looking for the sure thing he's talking about.

And another update...
I finally found and got my apartment in New York, I'll be risiding in the Morningside Park area just a few blocks south of Harlem on 7th Ave (Adam Clayton Powell)- which I adore, I'm also feeling the Ft. Greene area of Brooklyn too. A friend of my mother's put me in contact with this guy (lol) who ended up taking me and my current roommate to this spot called the Brooklyn Moon which had a dope atmosphere and some great honey bbq wings! Oh, yea he was oh so attractive too:)
Apartment hunting was an experience on it's own. Two apartments were cluttered with older women- one room that was open made me feel like I would be playing the role of sister bear (it was a mother and her two teenaged sons) and the other with a woman slightly younger than my grandmother with a bedroom for $8000 with a twin bed and boy's decor (her son had died and she left all of things where he left them...yikes!). There was one apartment that was suuuuuuper nice on St. Nicholas and w. 116th for only $675 but there was an ex boxer who owned it and would be living there too, which would have been a little too uncomfortable. The place I ended up getting is four bedrooms, two full baths, a WASHER AND DRYER!, new kitchen, and my room is a great size. So, I'm excited and just riding this wave wherever it wants to take me. I start work in two weeks...
Oh yea, and I think I'm going to start painting again- a hobby is just so necessary!

now playin: Sure Thing- miguel

My Perfect Man Theory

Anyone who knows me knows that I am the epitome of a girly girl- from the make-up to the clothes and especially boy talk! My friends accuse me of being of a talk show host asking questions like "so, what's your type"..."when do you want to get married"..."what's you ideal man." In general I would go through my check list [funny, attractive, ambtious, God fearing etc] then when I noticed my friends' minds starting to wonder while I kept listing attributes. I realized at that point that I needed to consolidate my list and this is what I came up with- a homieloverfriend.

Before you judge me, let me explain...
1. I need a homie because I want to be able to hang out with him, have riveting conversations and big laughs
2. Lover- it's not so hard side to understand right?
3. My perfect man is also my best friend because he should always have my best interest at heart and I should be able to trust him with my soul.
So while I'm sure the homieloverfriend theory reminded you of that old R. Kelly song, it actually has nothing to do anything he's talking about. Once I find mine, it will be game[s] over!