(note it's MY blog so if you don't like what you're reading please press the 'x' that the top right of your screen)
Dear Friends,
I love you all very much but what you are doing is f*cked up! This sleeping around with both men and women is wrong. What you're doing is lying, deceiving, manipulating and most of all putting a lot of people in danger because half of you, I know for a fact, are NOT using protection. Why do you think you're immune to AIDS? You're not! Even if you don't ever want to come out and say "you're gay" because you don't want to "put a label on yourself" aka you don't want to suffer the burdens of a gay black man in America - please just be honest with the people you're sleeping with. We, as women, your friends, sisters, and lovers deserve better. Stop using us as cover ups, lying to use when we confront you with the word on the street, sneaking around behind our backs with your "homies". This whole DL thing has got to stop.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how it could be hard to come out. I know many of your families don't agree with homosexual behavior and while society embraces it on t.v. no one seems to want to confront it in real life. Many of you want the freedom to lead "normal" heterosexual lives when you get ready to settle down and think you're "just living your life now" but what woman truly deserves a man that will never be in love with her? Why knowingly do that to a person? I also understand some of you truly don't know what/who you want. Some of you, my friends, are just so freaky that you'll have sex with just about anything. But let me ask you this one thing, is it worth dying for? So many of you are in this underground network of men who "mess around" with other men mostly unprotected but don't call yourselves gay and you still have girlfriends and female lovers.
While discussing my frustrations with an openly gay friend, he told me "it's really not about you". Part of that is very true, it's not about me- it's about all of us. Who you choose to sleep with is your business, it honestly is. However when you partake in risky behavior whether that be homo or heterosexual you put everyone you're in sexual contact with at risk. And that's why it's about US. Let's be honest, everyone on Howard's campus has practically slept with the same people whether we know it or not. So if Bob and Anne are dating but Bob and his homeboy Bill are having sex but don't want to see it as homosexual and therefore aren't using protection Bob and Bill are EXTRA foul. Not only is Bob cheating on Anne which causes emotional woes but he's also having unprotected sex with Bill and puts her at risk. Bill is f*cked up too - because he's most likely friends with Anne, been knowing her since Pre-O (Howard people know what that is). It's just all so sinister.
We have to change our behavior people! Not just the brothers on the downlow but the black culture as a whole. Many of the men are somewhat forced to be secretive because a lot of families ex-communicate homosexuals, it's not looked upon favorably in black business affairs, and though the black church is quick to have a gay man as a choir director that same gay man gets sideways glances when he's in the pew. We have got to be more accepting of people's lifestyle choices. No sin is greater than another.
Men who are sleeping with other men and women and not being honest with your partners-STOP! Just stop, if you're not sure which sex you like better just pause for the cause until you can figure it out. If you're not MAN enough to tell your woman that you like sleeping with men then just stop involving yourselves with women. I guess I just want all the lying and deceivng to stop. pointblankperiod. Some of you are so gay and everyone can see it but you- you're so afraid to be yourself that you don't realize that the people around you already know and love you for who you TRULY are. You don't have to lie to kick it! (getting words like she tripped up with "he" it's a damn shame!) I guess I have ranted and raved long enough. I pray we can make this situation better for all parties involved,
Signed,
A loving daughter, sister, friend, lover.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Panties On A Pedestal
Do women put their panties (for lack of a more graphic word) on a pedestal? Or do men get the panties so freely that they no longer see it as a big deal? At this point in my life I've chosen to be celibate and when I was discussing this with one of my male friends - he warned me that I may be celibate for a while since most guys at our age (22-24) aren't looking to settle down. He is in the school of thought that since we are out of school and no one is there to keep tabs on your bed log that you should just f*ck as you feel. While, I see his point of view however I believe you're a hoe not because of what you do but you're a hoe because of how you feel. For me, giving myself easily makes me feel less about myself and the older I get the less I'm into casual relations. Of course he thinks the opposite, he says by the time we're 25 and/or married our body count will be so high and no one is going to be keeping their chastity in check that girls might as well do what they feel without regard. He's against women holding their panties hostage in exchange for fine dining, expensive dates, and commitments that most men our age aren't ready to make. I feel him 100% - I don't think people should put a price on their panties but I also don't think it should be shared so freely. I'm really curious to know how others way in on this issue... Is is necessary/right/wrong for a woman to put her panties on a pedestal?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Build-A-Man Workshop
This idea to "Build-A-Man" came from one of my craziest linesisters and I decided to share my post with you all!
OK, here goes:
1. (Step one: Choose a bear): I want one with a nice honey/caramel complexion....i want mine to have the nicest grain of hair- that's how I like em' hairy and silky!!!!!
2. (Step 2: Pick out a heart): My bear would have a huge heart of gold and it'd be tatted with my name (first and middle -Yasmine Harema- just in case there are some other Yasmines out there!) So he'd be mine all mine :)
3. (Step 3: Stuff you bear) Even though my past few bears have been on the slimmer side- I like a lil' bit of man meat! I want him to be like size M/L with a bit of a man pouch. Not quite a "gut" but I don't need a six pack! (Marly knows how I like em'!) My man needs to be about 5'8''-6ft no taller! I don't like climbing trees - unless his name is _______ then it's all good.
4. (Step 3.5: Make a wish/ seal the bear): I'd wish for a man who is open, loving, committed, and independent.
5. (Step 5: Bath the bear): My man HAS to be fresh! I want the tatts, fresh line up whether he has curls or a fade. Throw in a lot of facial hair- I like the beard, mustache - all that grown man- just don't let the beard get long and stuff- I don't need the muslim/philly type thing goin on. Also, he would wear "drop your panties" cologne at all times!
6. (Step 6: Cloth you Bear): I don't need anymore fashion kings but he's definitely got to have "swag" (for lack of a better word) and his own style! I love em' with the fitteds, flannel shirts, and crisp denims (no nut crunchers and no thug jeans either) - He's also gotta' have the cardigans and button downs on deck when its time to get a bit more spiffy! I also love a man who owns a tux - he pretty much needs to have attire for all occasions.
7. (Step:7 Accessories) Oh and accessories are a must! I want my to own a series of watches from cool to collectibles. I also need the shades on deck- aviators are my favorite! He's GOT TO BE riding clean. I know we're young (I like em 27 and below!) so he doesn't necessarily have to have his BMW or Benz yet- I love a guy in a charger! lol. hood I know- but it's such a masculine car. My boo also makes money! While he's still on his grind to the top - he doesn't know how "broke feels" - he's a hustler in every sense of the word! My man is probably in the music or entertainment industry, he's creative and has an eye for what pops! He's doesn't spend friviously and he knows all about quality vs. quantity. He's educated, ambitious, and knows what he wants out of his life! He has a good relationship with his family and has a set of sound friends that encourage him to stay positive. I would love it if my man would volunteer with kids in his spare time - think football or baseball coach!
8. (Step 8: Name your Bear): For whatever reason I have an affinity for Brandons and "B" names in general (Brandon, Bilal, Bryson, etc)! So that'd probably be his name but I love a nice strong arbic name! Hasani, Khalid, Nasir! Love it. It sounds so good with Yasmine (Listen to it- Yasmine and Khalid- sounds and looks great together!)
9. (Step 9: Check out): Me and my man drive off in the sunset in his tinted windows with the chrome rims Charger - meet my fam, go to dinner, and maybe some industry party!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Damn that T.O.N.Y.
I was wondering what she was doing on that toilet!!! Her hair looks bomb though! Makes me want some weaves lol
Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others
John T. Molloy (the author of “Dress for Success”)
This book is based on over 3,000 interviews conducted by Molloy and his researchers. They interviewed couples coming out of marriage license bureaus, and then a control group. The results reflect the statistical tendencies of marriage. Many of the lessons are common sense, but what sets this book apart is its specificity and the statistical backup for its assertions.
Editor’s note: One interesting fact is that this book got positive but mixed reviews on Amazon. It seems that the statistical truths that women who are A) over 35, and B) overweight are much less likely to marry were not well-received by those women who fell into those categories.
The Six Basic Guidelines For Women To Get Married
Insist on it.
If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on.
Love yourself first.
Commit yourself to the idea of getting married
Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance
Time is running out—use time wisely in your search for the marrying man
To maximize your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind:
Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment
For 80% of high school graduates, 23
For 80% of college graduates, 26
For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33
For men who go to graduate school, 30-36
After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically. After 43, it drops even more
A 40+ man who has been married before is more likely to remarry than an equivalent bachelor is to marry
Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years (hence the high-commitment periods)
Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene
E.g. They realize that they’ve become the sleazy old guys who hang out at the bars and hit on younger girls
Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)
Misc. negative traits and warning signs
Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain
Men whose parents divorced when they were young
Men who live with their parents
Other key facts
Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs
Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry
60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.
Those men who didn’t have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren’t ready to marry.
The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married.
Avoid stringers, men who string along women but never commit. To filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to it, no matter what excuses he gives.
Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social skills.
a. 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn’t make a very good husband.
First impressions are important
1. Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character
a. Newly engaged men said that what attracted them to their fiancées was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their future wives were.
i. While 68% gave a physical description of their fiancée, only 20% said that what attracted them was how gorgeous and sexy their fiancée was. Over 60% described their personalities, even if the women in question were very beautiful.
b. Therefore, be positive!
2. All wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not for their physical appearance)
3. Dressing appropriately sends the message, “I am wife material.” Men marry women they perceive as “situational virgins” who move easily in their world.
a. Editor’s note: In other words, don’t dress like a ho. Men see a sexy outfit as an invitation to have sex.
b. Most men decide within 10 minutes of meeting a woman if she’s appropriate for marriage, or just for a casual affair.
c. Over 80% of men said or bragged that their fiancée was the kind of woman they were proud to introduce to friends and family
d. Over 70% of men said that they knew that their future bride was a “nice girl” the minute they met
e. Only 7 out of 2,000 men interviewed said that their fiancée was dressed in a very sexy outfit when they met.
4. If you want to marry a man who is more attractive than you, go for a very good-looking man because he will actually place less emphasis on looks. Women see their own looks as a gift of nature equal to or superior to brains and talent. In contrast, 67% of very good-looking men think of their looks as a minor asset, and say they would rather be smart, rich, or talented. Do the following:
a. Approach him. Very attractive men don’t make passes at women because they don’t have to.
b. Let him put you on a pedestal. Don’t treat him any differently than you would another man, just because he’s good-looking.
c. Let him see your talents and accomplishments. Very good-looking men often marry women who have qualities they lack—education, professional accomplishment, social standing, and ambition.
d. Make demands on him. Advise him to go back to school or get a better job.
5. Making a good impression on his family is almost as important as making a good impression on him.
a. 5% said that it was their family that had convinced them that the woman was something special
b. 30% said that their family’s positive opinion had influenced them
What kind of women get married?
1. Women with a large number of female friends are more likely to marry than women with a large number of male friends
a. Men don’t go out of their way to introduce their female friends to other men
2. If you reach 30 and want to get married, you have to make finding a husband a primary goal. Once your friends start getting married, they are less likely to have an active social life with you. Don’t be the last one off the bus!
3. Women who get married, even those with high-powered careers, make getting married a priority that they work at.
4. The larger the number of single men and women you work with, the better your chances of marrying
a. If you work in an industry with few eligible men (e.g. the fashion industry, where most male colleagues are gay), or have other disadvantages, you’ll have to work harder outside of work to overcome them. It’s unfair, but suck it up.
5. Women with unrealistic expectations often remain single
a. Much of the time, these expectations are imposed by others, who think that the men she brings home aren’t “good enough for her.”
b. Give men a second chance—20% of brides to be said that they didn’t like their husband when they first met him.
6. Self-confident men are attracted to accomplished, self-assured, and talented women
7. Women who waste their time with stringers or men who don’t care for them hurt their chances of marrying
a. Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.
b. Don’t date married or gay men.
8. Women who live with their parents are less likely to marry
9. Being slender attracts more men, therefore increasing your chances to marry
10. Women who put effort into looking their best are more likely to marry than those who don’t
11. However, men find women who are active and don’t spend all of their time primping more attractive
12. Women who make an effort to seek out the company of single men are more likely to marry
a. Women who marry date more frequently than those who don’t, even it’s Mr. Wrong.
b. Women who marry are three times as likely to participate in masculine activities in which they had no real interest.
c. Women who marry are twice as likely to have made lifestyle sacrifices (changing jobs or moving) to meet eligible men.
13. Women who have active social lives are more likely to marry
a. Go out on Friday and Saturday, when other single people go out
The stages in a relationship
1: Living up to expectations
Men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.
2: Getting to know you. The following types of women are more like to get asked out on additional dates
a. Women who date more extensively
b. Women who have male friends or brothers (and thus have a better understanding of men)
c. Women who worry less about impressing their dates and more about having fun
d. Women who don’t have sex on the first date
e. Women who object when they don’t approve of the man’s plans
f. Women who are friendly and positive
g. Women who are a good audience and show interest and/or a concern for his welfare
Sidebar: Why men don’t call
As men see it, they don’t need a reason not to call. They do need a reason to call.
The woman gets too serious too soon
The woman is not as positive as they had thought.
90% of men find catty remarks a turnoff
3: Needs and lifestyles
This stage is about separating attraction from compatibility.
If your lifestyles aren’t compatible, end the relationship as quickly and painlessly as possible
4: Steady dating (range: 3 weeks to 3 months)
Men don’t typically think of themselves as dating until after 4-6 dates
Women typically think of themselves as dating after 2-3 dates, hence the problem
The primary reason men drop women during the first month or two is that the women come on too strong, too soon.
50% of men have broken up with a woman because she got serious prematurely
Never speak of marriage, children, or your future together for the first 6 dates.
5: Romancing the woman
Men are always trying to please the women they like. Just relax and enjoy your stay on the pedestal (because it’s likely to be brief).
6: Getting comfortable (3 months+). This is the stage where the couple stop feeling they have to be on their best behavior and start being themselves.
The fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer.
But, don’t be a doormat. If you don’t complain, or, even worse, try to do everything for him, it will make him think you are just there for his convenience.
Women who withhold doing household chores usually get more respect from men
The women who insist on being treated well are 2x as likely to end up marrying their man. No one marries a servant.
Insist on being monogamous
7: Committed couplehood (range: 6 months to 1 year; 73% said that within 9 months, their partner had become the center of their lives).
Successful couples:
Are monogamous
Put their partners interests above their friends and family
If his family member makes a negative comment about you, he should defend you. 79% of marrying men said that they came to their financees’ defense.
Hang out together without any particular plans. When just being together, you are a successful couple.
8: Premarital couplehood.
Committed couples are:
Openly affectionate, and make sacrifices for each other
Become confidants. More than 90% of couples who get married are.
But remember that men are sensitive to criticisms of their family, and men don’t share their feelings easily
9: The proposal stage
Most men propose after going out with a woman for 18 months.
If at the end of 22 months, a man has not proposed, the chances that he will start to diminish.
For 3.5 years, the chances diminish gradually. After that, it plunges. After 7 years, your chances are virtually zero.
Speaking of Marriage
1. Men who discuss marriage are more likely to propose
2. If you want to discuss marriage, you’re going to have to bring the subject up, because many men never will
3. 73% of marrying women said that they put pressure on their man to propose
4. If a woman is convinced that marriage is essential to her happiness, she is more likely to marry.
a. If a man is convinced that being married is essential to a woman’s happiness, he is more likely to propose
5. When a man who has been dating a woman for months says he hasn’t thought of marriage, he’s probably just being honest. Men don’t think about these things.
a. 1/3 of husbands who had said no at first had forgotten that they did so
b. 2/3 remembered, but most thought it wasn’t a big deal.
c. When told that saying this upset their wives, the men generally responded, “What did she want me to do, lie to her?”
d. More than 90% of men who said they weren’t ready didn’t think the answer was a rejection, just a fact.
e. The best response is, “Maybe it’s time for you to think about it.”
f. Statistically, this is actually one of the most encouraging answers a woman can receive; many of these men proposed within 4 months.
6. Men don’t get subtle hints—a woman has to discuss marriage directly and, to make sure he gets the point, ask follow-up questions.
7. When a man says he isn’t ready, it usually doesn’t mean he will never marry.
Often, it’s because they don’t have enough money.
8. Men rarely respond positively when challenged.
a. Over 50% of men say that when presented with a choice, “Marry me or get lost,” they chose to get lost.
b. Over 50% of men say that when a woman walks out, they let her go.
c. Instead, come back to the subject later. Send the message, “I love you, but I need marriage.” Don’t let them off the hook.
i. “How could you do this to me? You hurt me.”
ii. “The reason I’m so hurt is that I love you.”
Marrying after 40
1. The best places to meet eligible men are clubs and groups based on common interests. Join organization that have single men as members.
a. 21% of engaged women over 40 said that they had met their fiancée at an athletic club
b. Sports clubs that focus on activities that attract singles (trips, bicycling) are best
c. Next best are tennis, and golf.
d. Third come professional or social organizations that are overwhelmingly male, like engineering associations or collectors of sports memorabilia.
e. Fourth come organizations that have a singles scene, or sponsor events that give singles a chance to socialize with other club members.
f. Dances, picnics, and charity golf or tennis tournaments are also a good place to meet men.
2. Have an active social life
a. Women who go out twice a week, even just to dine with other women or do volunteer work, are 3x as likely to marry than those who don’t go out.
b. Going out three times a week boosts your chances even further.
c. However, going out more than 5 nights a week decreases your chances.
3. Though men often date women who are much younger, they usually marry someone close to their own age.
4. The most common reason men over 40 were attracted to their fiancées was that they took good care of themselves. So stay in shape!
5. When asked what attracted them to their fiancées, younger men cite virtue, talent, or accomplishments. 62% of men over forty cited “niceness” (congeniality, agreeableness, a relaxed, low-maintenance attitude, and acts of kindness).
6. Older men may be in a hurry to get married; delay them, don’t dump them, if you aren’t ready yet.
7. Men who attend religious services are more likely to marry.
Divorced men, widowers, and single fathers
1. Young widowers without children are the most marriageable men on earth
2. Single fathers with young children have little or no energy for a social life
3. Most widowers are not ready for a relationship until 2 years after their wife passed away
4. Men whose wives died of lingering or painful illnesses are less likely to remarry.
5. The more amicable a man’s divorce, the more likely he is to remarry
6. The younger a man is, the more likely he is to remarry
This book is based on over 3,000 interviews conducted by Molloy and his researchers. They interviewed couples coming out of marriage license bureaus, and then a control group. The results reflect the statistical tendencies of marriage. Many of the lessons are common sense, but what sets this book apart is its specificity and the statistical backup for its assertions.
Editor’s note: One interesting fact is that this book got positive but mixed reviews on Amazon. It seems that the statistical truths that women who are A) over 35, and B) overweight are much less likely to marry were not well-received by those women who fell into those categories.
The Six Basic Guidelines For Women To Get Married
Insist on it.
If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on.
Love yourself first.
Commit yourself to the idea of getting married
Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance
Time is running out—use time wisely in your search for the marrying man
To maximize your chances of marrying, only date the marrying kind:
Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment
For 80% of high school graduates, 23
For 80% of college graduates, 26
For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33
For men who go to graduate school, 30-36
After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically. After 43, it drops even more
A 40+ man who has been married before is more likely to remarry than an equivalent bachelor is to marry
Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years (hence the high-commitment periods)
Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene
E.g. They realize that they’ve become the sleazy old guys who hang out at the bars and hit on younger girls
Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)
Misc. negative traits and warning signs
Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain
Men whose parents divorced when they were young
Men who live with their parents
Other key facts
Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs
Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry
60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.
Those men who didn’t have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren’t ready to marry.
The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married.
Avoid stringers, men who string along women but never commit. To filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to it, no matter what excuses he gives.
Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social skills.
a. 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn’t make a very good husband.
First impressions are important
1. Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character
a. Newly engaged men said that what attracted them to their fiancées was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their future wives were.
i. While 68% gave a physical description of their fiancée, only 20% said that what attracted them was how gorgeous and sexy their fiancée was. Over 60% described their personalities, even if the women in question were very beautiful.
b. Therefore, be positive!
2. All wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not for their physical appearance)
3. Dressing appropriately sends the message, “I am wife material.” Men marry women they perceive as “situational virgins” who move easily in their world.
a. Editor’s note: In other words, don’t dress like a ho. Men see a sexy outfit as an invitation to have sex.
b. Most men decide within 10 minutes of meeting a woman if she’s appropriate for marriage, or just for a casual affair.
c. Over 80% of men said or bragged that their fiancée was the kind of woman they were proud to introduce to friends and family
d. Over 70% of men said that they knew that their future bride was a “nice girl” the minute they met
e. Only 7 out of 2,000 men interviewed said that their fiancée was dressed in a very sexy outfit when they met.
4. If you want to marry a man who is more attractive than you, go for a very good-looking man because he will actually place less emphasis on looks. Women see their own looks as a gift of nature equal to or superior to brains and talent. In contrast, 67% of very good-looking men think of their looks as a minor asset, and say they would rather be smart, rich, or talented. Do the following:
a. Approach him. Very attractive men don’t make passes at women because they don’t have to.
b. Let him put you on a pedestal. Don’t treat him any differently than you would another man, just because he’s good-looking.
c. Let him see your talents and accomplishments. Very good-looking men often marry women who have qualities they lack—education, professional accomplishment, social standing, and ambition.
d. Make demands on him. Advise him to go back to school or get a better job.
5. Making a good impression on his family is almost as important as making a good impression on him.
a. 5% said that it was their family that had convinced them that the woman was something special
b. 30% said that their family’s positive opinion had influenced them
What kind of women get married?
1. Women with a large number of female friends are more likely to marry than women with a large number of male friends
a. Men don’t go out of their way to introduce their female friends to other men
2. If you reach 30 and want to get married, you have to make finding a husband a primary goal. Once your friends start getting married, they are less likely to have an active social life with you. Don’t be the last one off the bus!
3. Women who get married, even those with high-powered careers, make getting married a priority that they work at.
4. The larger the number of single men and women you work with, the better your chances of marrying
a. If you work in an industry with few eligible men (e.g. the fashion industry, where most male colleagues are gay), or have other disadvantages, you’ll have to work harder outside of work to overcome them. It’s unfair, but suck it up.
5. Women with unrealistic expectations often remain single
a. Much of the time, these expectations are imposed by others, who think that the men she brings home aren’t “good enough for her.”
b. Give men a second chance—20% of brides to be said that they didn’t like their husband when they first met him.
6. Self-confident men are attracted to accomplished, self-assured, and talented women
7. Women who waste their time with stringers or men who don’t care for them hurt their chances of marrying
a. Women who marry refer to the men who broke up with them as losers. Women who don’t marry often make men who don’t reciprocate their feelings the center of their universe and still speak well of them.
b. Don’t date married or gay men.
8. Women who live with their parents are less likely to marry
9. Being slender attracts more men, therefore increasing your chances to marry
10. Women who put effort into looking their best are more likely to marry than those who don’t
11. However, men find women who are active and don’t spend all of their time primping more attractive
12. Women who make an effort to seek out the company of single men are more likely to marry
a. Women who marry date more frequently than those who don’t, even it’s Mr. Wrong.
b. Women who marry are three times as likely to participate in masculine activities in which they had no real interest.
c. Women who marry are twice as likely to have made lifestyle sacrifices (changing jobs or moving) to meet eligible men.
13. Women who have active social lives are more likely to marry
a. Go out on Friday and Saturday, when other single people go out
The stages in a relationship
1: Living up to expectations
Men believe that they can size up a woman in 5 minutes. They’re usually wrong. If a man doesn’t call, it’s because he realizes that he made a mistake.
2: Getting to know you. The following types of women are more like to get asked out on additional dates
a. Women who date more extensively
b. Women who have male friends or brothers (and thus have a better understanding of men)
c. Women who worry less about impressing their dates and more about having fun
d. Women who don’t have sex on the first date
e. Women who object when they don’t approve of the man’s plans
f. Women who are friendly and positive
g. Women who are a good audience and show interest and/or a concern for his welfare
Sidebar: Why men don’t call
As men see it, they don’t need a reason not to call. They do need a reason to call.
The woman gets too serious too soon
The woman is not as positive as they had thought.
90% of men find catty remarks a turnoff
3: Needs and lifestyles
This stage is about separating attraction from compatibility.
If your lifestyles aren’t compatible, end the relationship as quickly and painlessly as possible
4: Steady dating (range: 3 weeks to 3 months)
Men don’t typically think of themselves as dating until after 4-6 dates
Women typically think of themselves as dating after 2-3 dates, hence the problem
The primary reason men drop women during the first month or two is that the women come on too strong, too soon.
50% of men have broken up with a woman because she got serious prematurely
Never speak of marriage, children, or your future together for the first 6 dates.
5: Romancing the woman
Men are always trying to please the women they like. Just relax and enjoy your stay on the pedestal (because it’s likely to be brief).
6: Getting comfortable (3 months+). This is the stage where the couple stop feeling they have to be on their best behavior and start being themselves.
The fact that your man doesn’t bring you roses, but instead plops on your couch to watch TV and takes you for granted is actually a natural stage and the hallmark of almost all serious relationships—not a deal-killer.
But, don’t be a doormat. If you don’t complain, or, even worse, try to do everything for him, it will make him think you are just there for his convenience.
Women who withhold doing household chores usually get more respect from men
The women who insist on being treated well are 2x as likely to end up marrying their man. No one marries a servant.
Insist on being monogamous
7: Committed couplehood (range: 6 months to 1 year; 73% said that within 9 months, their partner had become the center of their lives).
Successful couples:
Are monogamous
Put their partners interests above their friends and family
If his family member makes a negative comment about you, he should defend you. 79% of marrying men said that they came to their financees’ defense.
Hang out together without any particular plans. When just being together, you are a successful couple.
8: Premarital couplehood.
Committed couples are:
Openly affectionate, and make sacrifices for each other
Become confidants. More than 90% of couples who get married are.
But remember that men are sensitive to criticisms of their family, and men don’t share their feelings easily
9: The proposal stage
Most men propose after going out with a woman for 18 months.
If at the end of 22 months, a man has not proposed, the chances that he will start to diminish.
For 3.5 years, the chances diminish gradually. After that, it plunges. After 7 years, your chances are virtually zero.
Speaking of Marriage
1. Men who discuss marriage are more likely to propose
2. If you want to discuss marriage, you’re going to have to bring the subject up, because many men never will
3. 73% of marrying women said that they put pressure on their man to propose
4. If a woman is convinced that marriage is essential to her happiness, she is more likely to marry.
a. If a man is convinced that being married is essential to a woman’s happiness, he is more likely to propose
5. When a man who has been dating a woman for months says he hasn’t thought of marriage, he’s probably just being honest. Men don’t think about these things.
a. 1/3 of husbands who had said no at first had forgotten that they did so
b. 2/3 remembered, but most thought it wasn’t a big deal.
c. When told that saying this upset their wives, the men generally responded, “What did she want me to do, lie to her?”
d. More than 90% of men who said they weren’t ready didn’t think the answer was a rejection, just a fact.
e. The best response is, “Maybe it’s time for you to think about it.”
f. Statistically, this is actually one of the most encouraging answers a woman can receive; many of these men proposed within 4 months.
6. Men don’t get subtle hints—a woman has to discuss marriage directly and, to make sure he gets the point, ask follow-up questions.
7. When a man says he isn’t ready, it usually doesn’t mean he will never marry.
Often, it’s because they don’t have enough money.
8. Men rarely respond positively when challenged.
a. Over 50% of men say that when presented with a choice, “Marry me or get lost,” they chose to get lost.
b. Over 50% of men say that when a woman walks out, they let her go.
c. Instead, come back to the subject later. Send the message, “I love you, but I need marriage.” Don’t let them off the hook.
i. “How could you do this to me? You hurt me.”
ii. “The reason I’m so hurt is that I love you.”
Marrying after 40
1. The best places to meet eligible men are clubs and groups based on common interests. Join organization that have single men as members.
a. 21% of engaged women over 40 said that they had met their fiancée at an athletic club
b. Sports clubs that focus on activities that attract singles (trips, bicycling) are best
c. Next best are tennis, and golf.
d. Third come professional or social organizations that are overwhelmingly male, like engineering associations or collectors of sports memorabilia.
e. Fourth come organizations that have a singles scene, or sponsor events that give singles a chance to socialize with other club members.
f. Dances, picnics, and charity golf or tennis tournaments are also a good place to meet men.
2. Have an active social life
a. Women who go out twice a week, even just to dine with other women or do volunteer work, are 3x as likely to marry than those who don’t go out.
b. Going out three times a week boosts your chances even further.
c. However, going out more than 5 nights a week decreases your chances.
3. Though men often date women who are much younger, they usually marry someone close to their own age.
4. The most common reason men over 40 were attracted to their fiancées was that they took good care of themselves. So stay in shape!
5. When asked what attracted them to their fiancées, younger men cite virtue, talent, or accomplishments. 62% of men over forty cited “niceness” (congeniality, agreeableness, a relaxed, low-maintenance attitude, and acts of kindness).
6. Older men may be in a hurry to get married; delay them, don’t dump them, if you aren’t ready yet.
7. Men who attend religious services are more likely to marry.
Divorced men, widowers, and single fathers
1. Young widowers without children are the most marriageable men on earth
2. Single fathers with young children have little or no energy for a social life
3. Most widowers are not ready for a relationship until 2 years after their wife passed away
4. Men whose wives died of lingering or painful illnesses are less likely to remarry.
5. The more amicable a man’s divorce, the more likely he is to remarry
6. The younger a man is, the more likely he is to remarry
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
RecessionDepression
OMG- the economy truly sucks! It's really bad here in Atlanta, almost no one is hiring and the people who are are in some kind of specialized field that you see on tv school commercials like medical billing. Silly me for going to a four year institution! Either way, I'm in the process of being admitted into FIDM LA - shits too hard without being in school- I don't even have healthcare right now! I also got an opportunity to work with a stylist out there and am moving in May. YAY! Finally a silver lining to my rain clouds! Now all I have to do is find some kind of a piece of a job to save some money so that I can move to Los Angeles in May. If you or anyone you know is hiring in the Atlanta area let me know- I'll forward you my resume!!!!!
.....just a random thought- I hate when guys just "pop" back up, right when you've learned to live without them.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Illusionary Communication
I hate men. Actually, I don't - but I hate the way they communicate [or lack thereof]. You haven't heard from a guy in a while and where does your mind go? First it's maybe he's busy, occupied, then you think he's dating other people, then you feel like he must be avoiding you and from that point on you, most likely with the help of a few bitter but caring girlfriends, concoct a grand storyline on how everything transpired and why he is out to destroy your life and break your heart. Three days later, after 5 shots of Patron, a four hour phone conversation, an erased number, and a heartwrenching Facebook de-friending - he calls like nothing ever happened. After you've done and talked all that shit! What do you have to say for yourselves?
By the way, my dear readers, in no way is this blog a direct reflection of my current love life. I am inspired by many situations shared between me and the people and stories I come across.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The first step to recovery
I was saw that a step to getting over heartache is to write a letter to the person and then keep it to yourself. While I express myself best in written form I don't see the point in writing to a person that will never see how you feel.
About two weeks ago one of my favorite linesisters called me to catch up. When we got to the topic of men I told her how there was no one that I was really into to and that I was casually entertaining a few people but nothing serious. Then she brought up that one... the one who I would drop all others for, the one who still had a piece of me for better or worse. The one that I can't seem to harden my heart for. I couldn't even fake it and act like he never crossed my mind then she asked "Are you like in love with him or something?" Now, an easy and obvious answer would be "yes" but with further consideration I believe that I'm more heartbroken over what didn't happen. While we did/do have amazing chemistry - that kind of love at first conversation but there was no grand love affair to miss. It's more like an itch that was never fully scratched. An unfinished entry is what makes me still intrigued. I believe that love, or the idea of it, unfulfilled is worse than a break-up. At least when you break up with someone there's a reason and an end point. When things just end with no fizzle or fire it leaves you an addict, wondering when and if things are going to pick up. I feel like I'm rambling but maybe someone feels me.
now playing: wish you loved me- tynisha keli
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Hazel
1. Put your music player on shuffle. I used my iTunes
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Respond in the comment box with your results!
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Lay In My Bed- Mario (I’m not sure how I feel about this- no one has been laying my bed in a minute! It ain’t that easy…)
2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Round Midnight- Jazmine Sullivan (LOL- this is actually perfect, “round mindnight” I’m always up thinking- I had to start taking sleeping pills because I can’t sleep for thinking so much)
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Soon as I Get Home – Bobby Valentino [Babyface Remake] (This is true, I need someone who can love and support me “a stack of major credit cards and with him I don’t have to ask”)
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Angel- Leona Lewis (I don’t think this is accurate, I haven’t met my angel yet. No Romeo for this Juliet)
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Wifey- Next & SWV ( I hope this is a good sign)
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Love Come Down- Evelyn Champagne King (I’m bout sick of all these songs referencing love – though I can’t help the way I feel! LOL)
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
After The Rain- Mya ( Hopefully this means they know I’ll always be there during the rain and after it too)
8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Taste Your Heartbeat- Uness ( sad but true- please discover and download)
9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma- George Clinton and P-Funk (LOL, pretty muuuuch)
10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Relax 1 – Unknown ( so random, from one of the many mixtapes I download from Aaron Reid or Blind I)
11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mr. Bombastic- Shaggy (too funny- Mr. Luva Luva hmmmm)
12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Party Pack- The Fewture ft. Graham Knox & Grip Playaz ( they always tell me “you fine but you party all the time”)
13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Goodbye- PPP ft. Jamila Raegan (not sure what this means)
14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
So Over You- Ashanti (Well, if I like them then this may not be true but I would definitely like to believe it! Which would explain why I’m heartless and have no feelings for anyone)
15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Come With Me- Day 26 (They want me to be in the medical field like them LOL)
16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Beautiful Girl- Kenny Lattimore (Perfect fit!)
17 What will they play at your funeral?
The Corner- Common ft. Scarface ( Oh no, I hope I don’t die over no BS)
18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Def Poetry Jam- Amanda Diva
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Bedtime- Jeezy ( LOL- enough of the sexual references)
20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Walk It Out- DJ Unk
21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Whip Appeal – Babyface (ya, I’m a sucker for it!)
22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
T-Shirt- Beyonce (Hopefully that t-shirt doesn’t belong to another woman’s man LOL)
23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Chronometrophobia- Outkast
24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Rearview (Ridin’) – Bobby Valentino ft. Ludacris (True, I can’t help but lookback and laugh)
25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Unfaithful - Rihanna
26. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
I’ll Never Hate Her- Lonely Limo Mixtape (IDK what this means)
27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I Slept With Someone from Fall Out Boy and All I Got was a Stupid Song Written About Me- Fall Out Boy (terrible!)
28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
What If I Fell In Love With You- Duffy
29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I Can’t Stop Loving You- Kem (sooo trueee)
30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Hazel- Lloyd
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Respond in the comment box with your results!
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Lay In My Bed- Mario (I’m not sure how I feel about this- no one has been laying my bed in a minute! It ain’t that easy…)
2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Round Midnight- Jazmine Sullivan (LOL- this is actually perfect, “round mindnight” I’m always up thinking- I had to start taking sleeping pills because I can’t sleep for thinking so much)
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Soon as I Get Home – Bobby Valentino [Babyface Remake] (This is true, I need someone who can love and support me “a stack of major credit cards and with him I don’t have to ask”)
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Angel- Leona Lewis (I don’t think this is accurate, I haven’t met my angel yet. No Romeo for this Juliet)
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Wifey- Next & SWV ( I hope this is a good sign)
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Love Come Down- Evelyn Champagne King (I’m bout sick of all these songs referencing love – though I can’t help the way I feel! LOL)
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
After The Rain- Mya ( Hopefully this means they know I’ll always be there during the rain and after it too)
8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Taste Your Heartbeat- Uness ( sad but true- please discover and download)
9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma- George Clinton and P-Funk (LOL, pretty muuuuch)
10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Relax 1 – Unknown ( so random, from one of the many mixtapes I download from Aaron Reid or Blind I)
11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mr. Bombastic- Shaggy (too funny- Mr. Luva Luva hmmmm)
12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Party Pack- The Fewture ft. Graham Knox & Grip Playaz ( they always tell me “you fine but you party all the time”)
13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Goodbye- PPP ft. Jamila Raegan (not sure what this means)
14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
So Over You- Ashanti (Well, if I like them then this may not be true but I would definitely like to believe it! Which would explain why I’m heartless and have no feelings for anyone)
15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Come With Me- Day 26 (They want me to be in the medical field like them LOL)
16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Beautiful Girl- Kenny Lattimore (Perfect fit!)
17 What will they play at your funeral?
The Corner- Common ft. Scarface ( Oh no, I hope I don’t die over no BS)
18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Def Poetry Jam- Amanda Diva
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Bedtime- Jeezy ( LOL- enough of the sexual references)
20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Walk It Out- DJ Unk
21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Whip Appeal – Babyface (ya, I’m a sucker for it!)
22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
T-Shirt- Beyonce (Hopefully that t-shirt doesn’t belong to another woman’s man LOL)
23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Chronometrophobia- Outkast
24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Rearview (Ridin’) – Bobby Valentino ft. Ludacris (True, I can’t help but lookback and laugh)
25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Unfaithful - Rihanna
26. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
I’ll Never Hate Her- Lonely Limo Mixtape (IDK what this means)
27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I Slept With Someone from Fall Out Boy and All I Got was a Stupid Song Written About Me- Fall Out Boy (terrible!)
28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
What If I Fell In Love With You- Duffy
29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
I Can’t Stop Loving You- Kem (sooo trueee)
30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Hazel- Lloyd
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Playing House
Is it just me? Or are there a TON of people shacking up these days? I guess Diddy and Kim Porter made it cool somehow but there are more unmarried young couples living together now more than ever. Is it because of the downturned economy? Would partners rather just live together and split expenses? Are people testing the waters before marriage?
Maybe I'm just old school but I've never seen so many women (and men) just pick up their lives and relocate them to live with someone with no talks of marriage even in sight a lot of the time. Each time I hear of a new case of playing house I instinctively ask, "what does your mother think?". Just as I initially suspected, most aren't thrilled in the least bit.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how your partner can spend days on end at your place or vice versa and it seems like it's a pretty economical and smart idea. Even during my summer days in New York I shared my living space with a significant other though I soothed my conscience by telling myself it was only for a temporary time until he got his own apartment (which was true) and then that he would only come on the weekend (also true). Since I have seen a tiny bit of what it feels like to live with your love so I can see the perks and the pitfalls. Perks- someone to help with bills, someone to hold at night (I think it ends there). Pitfalls- someone invading your limited closet space, socks, cups, shoes... EVERYWHERE, someone taking the cover. Yea, not as sexy as I imagined it. And from what I've seen of other people's attempts at playing house things can get really sticky from people feeling suffocated, domestic violence, to identity theft. It can get ugly! I think I'll just wait until I'm married to enjoy (and suffer) living with my man!
Now Playing: Rain- Dear Jayne ft. J. Holiday
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
FRIENDS
You know readers, I've really had a serious case of the blues lately. I just feel like I'm kind of in a valley of my life. I'm really not where I want to be, still haven't had my "big break", and everything around me is uninspiring. While I have vowed to have a renewed attitude in the new year it's been tough to keep my spirits up as I still have not heard back from a position with an amazing company that I interviewed with before Christmas. Times are hard, simply put.
As much as I try and listen and care for my friends I don't always feel like I have the same ear to listen to me. I constantly get phone calls about love lost, drama with friends, family problems- whatever you can think of I've heard. However when it's time for the table to turn I find myself up awake at night calling my mother at work. When I'm ready to actually talk people are busy, have to call me back, having a moment, or just can't handle the weight I feel and therefore aren't a suitable conversation mates. Have you ever really just wanted someone you could talk to? With fists full of friends I still feel like there's no where to turn.
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