To All the Boys I've Loved Before...

Part 1
We are not your mothers!
You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
Yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time Trying to suck a lost sense of self dry
We have become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
Have become much to accustomed to waiting for our empty beds to be weighed down with the body’s of men, heavy with the scent and the hands of other women and we simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally
Simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not.
Play Hester Prynne
Place scarlet letters on our chest
Become adulteresses, cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
Willing to settle for less
Willing to act like a little less then a goddess
Willing to sleep with the enemy
Men to scared to stop acting like boys, thinking we can love away their scars
So we take the lashes of their insecurities they pour on us
And lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls that we lose by the minute.
Part 2
You said you had a photographic memory.
But apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love
The truth cannot be hidden
What’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love.
You should have known that,claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me
And I guess it’s so much better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say but I’m still gonna try to live by itI’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in itI will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in.
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shiny, full of the knowledge
I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove this scarlet letter from my chest
And take the hand of the little girl I used to be and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
And I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

-Mayda Del Valle

welp its happening. i knew it would...he's coming back in fear that he still might now 'have' me. he's popping up unannounced, calling my phone, asking for favors...trying to get back. thats fine. most of me likes it, but there this one part that just isnt buying it...that one part isn't allowing me to accept him back with open arms as if nothing ever happened. I just cant be hurt again, i cant fall into the same trap that i was in before. if he still wants me fine, but it wont do any good if he's not ready to give me the commitment i need in order to be happy with giving him any of my attention. guys are so damn predictable...its kinda funny. oh well, we'll see what happens...

Now Playing: Mr. Brightside-The Killers

PS: I still love em' though lol

I think I fully understand it all now....
Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me I dont want you, but I need you, I love you and I hate you at the very same time See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad Never did this before, thats what the virgin said We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says God talk to me now this is an emergency And he claim he only with me for the pussy, You cut me deep son of a bitch cut me like surgery And I was too proud to admit that it was hurtin me I'd never do that to you at least purposely We breakin up again we makin up again but we dont love no more I guess we fuckin then Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill him and you mixed them emotions with tequilla and you mixed that with a little bad advice on one of them bad nights you have a bad fight and you talkin bout his family his aunts and shit and he sayin muhfucka yo mama's a bitch you know domestic drama and shit All the attitude he'll never hit a girl but he'll shake the shit out of me but im a be the bigger man big pimpin like jigga man oh i figure its Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me I dont want you, but I need you, I love you and I hate you at the very same time See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad Never did this before, thats what the virgin said We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says God talk to me now this is an emergency And my friend says I shouldn't let him worry me I need to focus on the guys we gettin currently But I've been thinking and it got me back to sinking it This relationship, it even got me back to drinking now This Hennessey, is gon be the death of me And I always thought that I havin your child was our destiny But I can't even vibe wit you sexually Cause every time that you try I will question you Say "you fuckin them girls, disrespecting me? You don't see how your lies are affecting me? You don't see how our life was supposed to be? And I never let a nigga get that close to me! And you ain't cracked up to what you was supposed to be! You always gone! You always be where them hoes would be!" And it's the first time I ever spilled my soul to him! He fucked up and he know it G I guess it's bittersweet poetry...Congrats anyway Addyct

Now Playing: "Tell me what you Want" Mase feat. Total

If My Life Were A Soundtrack...
(check out the lyrics to find out why later)
12 Tracks that Ecompass My Life
1. Sideshow : The Stylistics- its sad but so true....life can beat people up sometimes
2. Luxiourious: Gwen Stefani- life isn't all bad, when you've arrived it's good to life the high life
3. All I Have: Amerie-sometimes you're all just isn't enough
4. Aint No Sunshine: Jackson 5- have you ever wanted something so bad?...
5. I'd Rather Be With You: Bootsy Collins- nuff' said, this is the original that Beyonce' remade
6. I Wont Complain: Darryl Coley- i've had some good days and some weary days but i wont complain
7. Someone to Watch Over Me: Ella Fitzgerald- i know HE's out there somewhere
8. If this World Were Mine: Luther Vandross & Cheryl Lynn- and when i find him this is what I'd do...
9. I Taste Just Like Candy: Foxy Brown featuring Kelis- get it?
10. I Told The Storm: Greg O'Quin- sometimes you have to tell your storm that you can't be moved
11. Spoiled: Joss Stone-see lyrics*
12. She Lives in My Lap: Andre 3000- somethings just make you go "hmmmm"

Now Playing: Sugar Honey Ice Tea by Kelis

I really should be writing my article for http://www.natcreole.com *shameless plug* but I'm having writer's block like nobody's business. Life right now is just existing...I'm caught up in the midst of tests, meetings, practices, and daily deadlines. I cannot wait till' Friday has come and I have a three day weekend free from any writing for someone else's publication. Hopefully I'll be kicking back with the ladies in Virginia Beach but we'll see, I'm not really up for breaking too much bread so close before Homecoming. I can't wait till I have reached some of my major goals. Things I have been dreaming about since I was a little girl are just around the corner. I truly do feel that I'm just on the edge of greatness and that there is something extraordinary waiting for me just around the corner. I just can't see it yet. There has to be more to life...I know this isnt it- there has to be more. Something Deeper. Tonight as I was procrastinating I listened to "Someone to Watch Over Me" sang by Ella Fitzgerald and my comrad, *Ayanna*, and I were talking about how Fitzgerald was talking about a man she had yet to meet. I feel like Miss Ella. I know all the things I want in life are out there for me. Waiting on me to be ready to receive them when it's time. That not only goes for that special man but it goes for everything in life. The world is my oyester and I'm just waiting on those pearls!

Now Playing: "In the Midnight Hour" Vanessa Marquez